


spinning in circles 'round your warm blood

by mahsuri



Category: NU'EST
Genre: Alternate Universe - Historical, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Angst, Blood and Violence, Chapter 13 - Explicit Sexual Content, Eventual Smut, Human!Jonghyun, Human/Vampire Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Panic Attacks, Suicidal Thoughts, Vampire!Minhyun
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:09:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 71,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23100742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mahsuri/pseuds/mahsuri
Summary: His life is what other people would call dull or boring, but Jonghyun likes the way he lives. He finds comfort in routine and stability. And it's not like there aren't any days that are noteworthy. For example, today is a special day that is likely to be immortalised his entire life.Today is his birthday.And it's also the day he meets a special someone.
Relationships: Hwang Minhyun/Kim Jonghyun | JR
Comments: 68
Kudos: 208





	1. underneath my skin

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from "Warm Blood" by Carly Rae Jepsen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ACT 1: THE LOOK IN YOUR EYES
> 
> cw: blood, violence, panic attacks

The wind tonight is particularly chilly, almost as if the sweltering heat during the daytime never existed. Kim Jonghyun is an average twenty-something year old — he grew up in a small family in a rural town outside of Gangneung, went to university after passing his entrance exams, enlisted for his required twenty-one months of service in the military during his second year, dropped out of university when he came back because he realised that business management wasn’t for him, moved to Seoul to start anew and then worked odd jobs to pay his rent before finding his current job that he decided to pursue for the long run. And currently, he’s closing up the restaurant after being berated by his boss for coming in five minutes late to his shift despite it being the first time he has ever done so in the year he has worked at the establishment.

_“Yah! Kim Jonghyun, do you even care about this job?” his boss yells at him in front of his coworkers in the break room. His face, an uncomfortable deep set of red, a finger pointing right at Jonghyun._

_“Yes, boss. I do care.” Jonghyun lowers his head in shame. “I apologise.”_

_“You’re lucky that my heart is kind enough to forgive you!”_

Jonghyun chuckles at the memory. He makes sure the front entrance is locked before going to the back door which leads to the alley that the staff use.

_“Jonghyun-ah, I’m sorry I had to yell at you like that,” his boss explains after he pulled Jonghyun aside later during the day. “You’re my best employee, okay? But the others will say that I’m playing favourites if I go easy on you. Please understand, Jonghyun-ah.”_

_"I understand, boss." Jonghyun pauses. “Though, it was kinda overkill, Aaron-hyung.”_

_Aaron laughs. “Yeah, I know. Minki and I were watching a drama last night and I really wanted to try recreating it.”_

His life is what other people would call dull or boring, but Jonghyun likes the way he lives. He finds comfort in routine and stability. And it’s not like there aren’t any days that are noteworthy. For example, today is a special day that is likely to be immortalised his entire life.

Today is his birthday.

And it’s also the day he meets a special someone.

It is right when Jonghyun takes out the key from the doorknob does he hear a crash behind him. A man, probably drunk, gets up from the ground where he had fallen and stands up to start walking in his direction, wobbling on his feet as he does it. It’s not Jonghyun’s first foray with drunks, especially not this late at night.

“Sir?” Jonghyun calls to him. “Are you okay?” Tilting his head, cautiously walking towards the figure that is trying his best to stand straight.

And then the man speaks, his voice sounding brittle like he had grated his throat against sandpaper. “C-Can you help me? Please-” the man grabs Jonghyun by the shoulders and shakes him. “Please. I- I need your help. I’m hungry. I’m so hungry.” The man is begging for food and yet is dressed in a stylish — albeit, rumpled — suit, looks well groomed, and smells an awful lot like the expensive cologne Jonghyun could only dream of purchasing when he walks past them at the department stores in shopping malls.

“Sir, I can help you but -” Jonghyun tries to lift the man’s hand off of him. “Let go.” He struggles. _Why is he so strong?_ He’s a drunk man and old, maybe around fifty years old, and yet Jonghyun can’t fight him off. “Let go. Let go of me!”

The man’s grip on him tightens and Jonghyun swears that the blood circulation in his arms is being cut off. It’s painful. It hurts. Jonghyun groans in pain and tries to kick the man too but he won’t budge; his feet are planted to the ground. He pins Jonghyun to the wall and now there’s nowhere to escape. And then the man does something even more strange; he leans into Jonghyun and _sniffs_ him.

“You smell… really good,” the man says, his nose traveling from the base of Jonghyun’s neck to his jaw and then to his face.

_This is how I’m going to die,_ Jonghyun thinks.

He keeps trying to free his arms but he can’t. The man in front of him has his hands pinned above his head.

“LET ME GO!” Jonghyun screams, only to be met with a stronger grip on his hand, fingers digging deep into his skin. 

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!” The man yells back and then covers Jonghyun’s mouth when he sees that Jonghyun is about to scream again. “Fuck! You’re so loud. Everything is so loud! Why won’t everything just quiet the fuck down -” He starts talking to himself more than anyone, mumbling under his breath, incoherent words and sentences that Jonghyun can’t really make out.

Jonghyun stares at him, too tired to move now. He looks at this man’s face properly for the first time since this entire encounter and… the man looks strange. He looks like a normal person except that there’s a glint in his eyes that’s alarmingly animalistic in nature; his eyes seem to actually glow in the darkness, light, almost golden in colour.

“Now, you be quiet,” says the man. “I-I’m just hungry, okay?” And then he sniffs Jonghyun’s neck again, harder this time, and starts to groan and moan as if he’s aroused by the scent.

Jonghyun can feel the tears that start to prick his eyes. He’s really about to die, right at this instant. This man will kill him in cold blood, Jonghyun knows this now.

The man pulls away and looks at Jonghyun in the eye. “I- I’m sorry for this, okay? You just smell really good. I can’t help myself.” _This is sick. He’s fucking sick._

And then something happens that Jonghyun can’t quite process. The man opens his mouth wide — like a snake that unhinges its jaw — to reveal teeth; sharp long canines that are not human at all, something that can only be described as _fangs_ and then he digs himself into Jonghyun’s neck. Jonghyun is convulsing. He can feel the blood draining from his veins. He’s growing so weak that he can’t even scream out for help. His body feels limp and he doesn’t have the energy to open his eyes. But just as sudden as the sensation starts, it ends. The man was pulled off of Jonghyun and he faintly hears pleas for mercy before a loud crack and the sound of something heavy dropping to the ground.

Jonghyun follows suit, his body slips down the wall and he can barely sit. He hears footsteps approach him but he can’t open his eyes.

“God, this is a mess,” a voice that’s definitely not the same as the man who attacked him says. The man crouches beside him and checks Jonghyun's pulse. “Ah, shit.” Jonghyun hears some more rustling before he feels a wrist that is unmistakably dripping with something wet being shoved into his mouth. “Here, drink this.” Jonghyun feels the hot liquid on his tongue and he almost spits it out if the man hadn’t grabbed his head at the first sign of gagging. “Drink. It’ll make you feel better,” the voice says gently. He doesn’t know why, but the voice soothes him and Jonghyun soon finds himself drinking the liquid. The hand that grabbed his head loosens its grip and instead, pats him slowly, encouraging him to drink more.

Jonghyun feels the life reentering his body like a soul that was ripped out is being forcibly put back in. Where it was limp, he can now feel himself regaining his strength.

Jonghyun opens his eyes and sees golden eyes stare back at him. He wants to scream at the sight of them but then the man puts a finger on his lips.

“Shh…” He says, cradling Jonghyun’s head.

He stares at the man. To put it simply, the man is the most beautiful person Jonghyun has ever seen; he’s tall — a few inches taller than himself, his lips are full, dark locks that fall onto his forehead and frame his eyes, and his eyes. His eyes. The man’s eyes are the same golden as the man who attacked him but they’re different. These eyes look back at him without the cruel intentions of the other — Jonghyun can tell that he doesn’t intend to hurt him seeing as how he healed Jonghyun, these eyes are laced with concern but detached and Jonghyun finds himself being more terrified of this man than the one before. Because while this man doesn’t seem to want to hurt him, Jonghyun finds himself knowing deep down that he’s capable of inflicting so much more pain. This man’s eyes are the most terrifying set of eyes he has ever seen.

“W-who,” Jonghyun stutters. “Who are you?”

The man smiles at him, void of warmth. “That doesn’t matter. And it’s better if you don’t know who I am.” He loosens his grip on Jonghyun, letting him go. “It’s better if you forget that this all happened, too.”

How could Jonghyun ever forget something like this? He was attacked and almost died. But this man — _this man_ — miraculously saved him. And he still can’t even process how it all happened but he knows that this was the order of the events. “I don’t think that’s possible,” Jonghyun whispers.

“It’s okay. I’ll make you forget,” the man says. “Look at me.” Jonghyun does. “I’ll make you forget, hm?” The man gently lifts Jonghyun’s head up so their eyes are leveled with each other. “I’ll take away all the bad memories and the pain you feel, okay?”

Jonghyun finds himself gripping the man’s hand. He’s scared. “How will you do that?” He’s scared of forgetting.

“Even if I told you, you wouldn’t believe me.”

“Can you tell me your name? I want to know who you are. You saved my life. I don’t want to forget that.”

The man sighs. “It’s dangerous for you to know who I am. And it’s dangerous if you remember all of this.”

“Why?”

“Because I could easily hurt you like how that guy earlier did. In fact, I could even do worse.” The man confirms what Jonghyun had already suspected and he feels a shiver run down his spine. When he looks over that man’s shoulder he sees a body, laying on the ground, unmoving. But the body doesn’t look right. It doesn’t have a head, at least, not attached to the body.

The head is also on the ground of the alley, but two feet away, a trail of blood signalling how it got there. 

Jonghyun opens his mouth to scream but it’s instantly covered by the hands of the man in front of him. He shakes and he struggles but the man’s grip on him is tight, but not tight enough that he can’t breathe.

“Now,” the man in front of him starts. Jonghyun looks at him in the eye and sees that his gaze has gone cold. An icy gaze that pierces through Jonghyun’s skin like knives and makes him scared for his life. “I won’t be doing that to you-”

“You killed him!” Jonghyun’s mouth manages to escape from his grip. “You killed that man!”

“No. No. You’re wrong-”

“He’s dead! He’s fucking dead.” Jonghyun is hysterical as he stares at the lifeless body on the ground. “You killed the guy-”

Hands grip his jaw hard and forces Jonghyun to look at the man. “Listen. I hate it when I’m interrupted. It’s really rude, especially when I know that you’re way younger than me. You should really respect your elders when they’re talking.” Jonghyun stares at him. The man continues to speak, his tone of voice annoyed. “And no, I didn’t kill a man, I killed a monster — it’s hard to spot the difference but it’s there, I can assure you.”

Jonghyun can’t breathe anymore. He’s heaving; he’s trying his best to keep oxygen in the lungs that he’s sure the cold man in front of him had pierced through when he first came to help him.

“See, this is why I don’t like doing charity work sometimes. Humans are really not fastidious when it comes to what constitutes a man and what doesn’t. It’s always the same speech about how I ‘killed a man.’” The man in front of him sighs. “Now, I won’t kill you. Don’t worry. You’re more likely to die from a car crash than by me.”

“How do I know I can trust you?”

“You don’t.” He pauses. “That’s all part of the beauty life, isn’t it?” He says sarcastically.

“I’m scared.”

“You’d be stupid if you weren’t.”

Jonghyun doesn’t know why that comment makes him suddenly feel a little brave. He feels the urge to challenge him. “Your name. I want to know your name.”

“Didn’t I _just_ say to not be stupid?” The man runs his hand through his hair. “God, why am I even having this conversation when I can just do it already.” The man holds either side of his face and Jonghyun feels himself start to heat up at the contact. “Look at me.” 

Jonghyun refuses. 

“I said, look at me!”

Slowly, he lifts his eyes to meet the man’s gaze.

“Why are you being so difficult? You’re hurt and this will haunt you for life. Do you want to remember all of this?”

“Yes,” Jonghyun whispers, tears starting to stream down his face. His hands somehow made their way to the man’s that were holding him. He grips them tightly, nails digging deep into porcelain skin. “I want to remember. Let me remember.”

“You’re making a terrible mistake.” There is a warning clear in his voice.

“Humans always make mistakes, don’t we?”

This makes the man pause. He stares at Jonghyun for several beats and then laughs a laughter that has no kindness in it. “God, you’re so stupid.” The man lets him go and stands up, turning around to walk away. “Fine. If that’s what you want. Go do what stupid little humans do.”

“Your name.”

“What?” he asks, not bothering to look over his shoulder.

“I want to know your name,” Jonghyun calls out to him, but his voice comes out as barely a squeak.

The man was already about to turn the corner before he suddenly appeared right before Jonghyun’s eyes like he was standing there the whole time. The gaze this man has is cold and calculated. Every fibre of Jonghyun’s body is telling him to run and get out of there as soon as possible but his feet stay planted on the ground. Jonghyun lifts his head and stares at the man directly in the eye.

“You’re interesting for a human.” He tilts his head, eyes searching Jonghyun’s face as if the answer might be there. “It’s intriguing. Or at the very least, entertaining and kind of stupid.” 

“You’ve been calling me ‘human’ for a while now. Are you really not one?”

He places a hand on Jonghyun’s neck where he was bitten and Jonghyun flinches in pain. The man leans in, his lips brush against Jonghyun’s ear. “I’ll let you in on a secret, okay?” Jonghyun nods his head slowly, not sure what to expect. “The monsters you read about as a child in all those fairy tale books are real. The wolves, the witches-” he pauses, “the vampires.” 

He pulls back but not before planting a chaste kiss on Jonghyun’s cheek. “Your wounds will heal soon. You should stay safe, _Sweet One_.”

And just like that, he vanishes into thin air. Leaving the scene just as suddenly as he came.

The only thing that marks his presence is the burning sensation on Jonghyun’s skin.

  
  


***

It has been three days since the whole encounter — _three entire days_ — and Jonghyun has still not left his studio apartment. He called in sick on the first day but then decided to just take a sick leave for the rest of the week. And now he is dreading going back to work tomorrow. Jonghyun isn’t normally like this, he isn’t normally terrified out of his mind for his life that was miraculously spared by a man who implied himself to have been a _vampire_ . On the first day, he hoped it was a dream, that none of it was real. But as soon as he walked into the bathroom and saw the healing bite mark on his neck that was inflicted upon by something that was definitely _not_ human, he realised that he can’t pinch himself and wake up from this nightmare. Jonghyun remembers how he ran to his bed, where his phone was to check any new news articles about any animal attack, severed bodies, blood trails, anything! But there was nothing. Nothing at all. The only proof that it was real was the gashing wound on his neck. Jonghyun must have lost a lot of blood that night with how deep the bite was. It has been three days since and the wound has almost completely healed and can now only be seen by the two small scratch marks on the base of his neck, just like the man who saved him had promised.

_Man._ Can Jonghyun even call him that? 

He looked like a man, but just barely. He reminded Jonghyun of a cross between something particularly ethereal and terrifyingly cruel. His beauty could mask every ounce of the darkness and danger that Jonghyun knows is present in his body. It was scary; how Jonghyun was so soothed by him and drawn to him like a spell, all while each one of his fundamental instincts were telling him to run and save himself.

He kissed him. 

Jonghyun remembers that, too. Slowly, he lifts a hand to touch where the man’s lips had pressed onto his skin, lightly and gently all the while burning something in Jonghyun as he did it. He blushes at the memory before he quickly catches himself.

_This is stupid_ , he thinks.

His phone buzzes and he grabs it from the nighstand to see a familiar called ID.

_Aaron-hyung is calling…_

“Yes, boss?” Jonghyun says as soon as he picks up the call.

“Ah. Jonghyun. I hope you’re feeling better now. It was so shocking when you said you had to take a sick leave, it wasn’t because of me was it?”

To be perfectly honest, Jonghyun has totally forgotten about the events earlier during that day. Because, you know, he was attacked. It takes Jonghyun a while to even recall what Aaron is referring to before he quickly reassures his boss. “No, _hyung!_ Don’t worry, I just caught a cold.” He lightly coughs to drive home the lie. “But I’m feeling much better now, so thank you for asking.”

“That’s good. That’s good,” Aaron replies and Jonghyun can almost imagine him nodding on the other line. “Anyway, the reason why I called you is to remind you that you have to come in tomorrow. And we desperately need an extra pair of hands too, so you absolutely cannot and should not be sick. Some guy came strutting in two days ago saying that he wanted to book the whole restaurant tomorrow for dinner? I think he’s throwing a party or something and I was about to refuse because of all the regulars we have but then he paid everything in advance, _in cash_ too, so what was I supposed to do? Say no?”

Jonghyun smiles at his _hyung’s_ antics. “Who is this bigshot guy, anyway? Is he famous?”

“No, idea. Left a business card though. But it’s kinda useless since it has nothing but his name on it.” Aaron laughs. “Pretty pretentious if you ask me.”

_What an asshole,_ Jonghyun thinks. _That guy has to think he’s hot shit or something._

“Yeah, I’ll come in tomorrow, _hyung._ Don’t worry.” 

“Thank god! I know you work for me and everything so you have to come in anyway since you’re not sick anymore but thank god!”

Jonghyun ends the call and lays on his bed again. He’s going back tomorrow — to his job, to his normal life, to the life that he was so content with despite it being dull — but Jonghyun still feels a fear. He’s afraid of going out at night, he’s afraid of encountering the same kind of monster that attacked him, he’s afraid of encountering the man who saved him and most of all, Jonghyun is terrified of the fact that he’s been secretly hoping to see said man again. Logic hasn’t been working anymore for Jonghyun ever since he met the man whose name is still a mystery. 

Those cold, golden eyes on the man were terrifying just as much as they were enticing.

It’s strange but Jonghyun can’t quite grasp it. He thinks he’s probably gone crazy.

He closes his eyes and forces himself to go to sleep.

  
  


The restaurant isn’t going to open for another three hours but Jonghyun is already on the train, on his way to work like any good prep cook would be. He idly checks his phone again, like he normally does to read the news, and stumbles on a headline that alarms him.

**WOMAN'S BODY FOUND DRAINED OF BLOOD AFTER VICIOUS MURDER**

Jonghyun instinctively touches his neck to feel the wound that has completely covered up. Part of him is still hoping that it was all just a dream. He stares at the title and a shiver runs down his spine. What would the article entail? Maybe it had zero correlation with what he went through.

He clicks on the article and waits for it to load, only to see that the page is unavailable. Was the article title he saw real? Or was he looking for things that would remind him of that night? The fear from that night suddenly starts seeping through Jonghyun’s body like acute snake venom. He can feel his breaths shallowing. 

_Fuck._

_Fuck. Fuck._

He needs to distract himself from his panic and closes his eyes. His mind wanders back to that night and his whole body shudders. Jonghyun recalls the terror he felt in his bones during the attack and then the wave of relief when his saviour came. He thinks back to his fear when meeting the man eye-to-eye and then the confusing entrancement when the man gently pressed his lips against Jonghyun’s skin. He clutches his chest and tries hard to focus on his breathing, his grip on the handle tightens, knuckles white, until his breaths start to level again. Jonghyun honestly feels like he’s about to pass out. He wants to call in sick again and he actually might get sick with how nauseous he feels but he can’t do that to Aaron again. He has his responsibilities too.

_You can do this, Jonghyun,_ he collects himself.

He steps into the restaurant and is greeted by Aaron with a smile. “Thank god you’re here now!” his _hyung_ says before he quickly assures him to the staff room. “Now go get changed so you can help in the kitchen.”

“Aye-aye, captain.”

By the time dinner service rolls around, Jonghyun can say that he’s absolutely stressed. It’s not like the restaurant isn’t successful or anything but they have hardly ever gotten this many orders at a time. Jonghyun tries his best to help in the kitchen but he honestly feels like his feet are going to give in at this point. _Aaron-hyung should never agree to full houses again_ , Jonghyun thinks. Especially when they turn out to be understaffed tonight anyway. Two people called in sick. Two people. Maybe that’s why Aaron was begging him to come in last night.

“Jonghyun,” he hears Aaron call him from the front.

Jonghyun sighs and bids his apologies to the chef before he heads to the window. “Yes, _hyung?_ ”

“I’m just reminding you that you need to lock up tonight.”

Jonghyun freezes. “What? But it’s a Friday.” He tries to come up with any excuse he can to not end up in the same alleyway as he was in earlier in the week. He hates this. He hates how the fear creeps up on him and attacks him just like that monster did. It’s irrational but he’s angry that Aaron would punish him like this when he hasn’t done a damn thing. Does Aaron know that he’s afraid? Is he holding a grudge? But Jonghyun knows that that’s wrong. He needs to remain calm, he needs to show that he’s okay.

“Yes but Seokmin is sick today so you have to do it.” Aaron says like it should have been obvious.

“Okay.” Jonghyun doesn’t want to cause trouble. He looks through the window to look at the guests they have tonight. He’s always enjoyed seeing people come and enjoy the meals he and his coworkers have prepared. They look like they’re in their own little world, filled with happiness, and it fills Jonghyun with a sense of pride.

Until he spots him.

Sitting at a table near the middle, the man who saved him is there, enjoying his meal and laughing rather loudly with his companions. Jonghyun has never seen warmth on the man’s face until right at this moment. He watches as the man jokes around with the woman next to him and it must have been a funny joke because she laughs at him as well. 

“Yah! You’re such an idiot!” he hears the woman say as she lightly slaps the man’s shoulder.

_That can’t be the same man_ , Jonghyun thinks.

But the man must’ve felt the eyes on him because he looks up and their gazes lock. And in an instant, Jonghyun quickly looks away. The man’s eyes are dark brown. He looks like any other normal person — his eyes, his warm demeanour and the small polite smile of recognition he gave Jonghyun when their eyes met.

_That’s definitely not the same man_ , Jonghyun is convinced.

At least, Jonghyun tries to convince himself because their faces were strikingly similar. But no, they were also different. Jonghyun is sure of this. He thinks he’s sure of this. Maybe he’s just trying to find anything that would relate to the night earlier in the week? Like the news article that didn’t exist when he was on the train on his way to work. Maybe he saw a beautiful man and tried to convince himself that that was the man from that night. A very beautiful and eerily familiar looking man.

Jonghyun jumps when he sees the very man leaning on the back wall beside him. “What are you doing back here?”

“Hm,” the man hums. Even in the darkness Jonghyun can see that this man is ridiculously handsome, especially up close. “Just making sure my Sweet One doesn't get mauled tonight.” _Sweet One._ The nickname registers and Jonghyun feels the fear approaching him.

“Do you want me to get attacked or something?”

“No? Why would I?” The man pushes himself off the wall and stands beside Jonghyun. “You just seemed kind of scared when your boss asked you to lock the doors tonight.”

“And you thought your being here would make me less scared?”

“Trust me, if I wanted to attack you, I would have done so a while ago.” The man sighs. “I don’t intend to hurt you anyway. I’ll even be your bodyguard for tonight.” He says this way too nonchalantly for Jonghyun to comprehend. 

Jonghyun grips the strap of his sling bag tighter. “The people you were with… who were they?”

“Hm? Oh, they’re my coworkers,” the man explains.

Jonghyun gulps. “Are they…? You know…? Vam-” He chooses his words carefully. “Like you?”

The man shakes his head. “No. I just said they’re my coworkers. They work at the library with me. Weren’t you listening?”

“You work at a library?” Jonghyun asks, mouth agape. _How anticlimactic._

“Yes, I just said so.” 

Jonghyun wants to ask more questions about this man’s seemingly normal dayjob but he finds another one tumbling out — one that he was trying to keep at bay, one that he instantly regrets as it leaves his lips.

“How come I’m not… like you? Y-you… you made me drink your blood and it healed me but I’m not… and I-I just don’t understand.”

“You have to die with my blood in your system for you to become one. So don’t worry, you’re perfectly normal,” the man says simply.

“How could you hear it?”

“Hear what?”

“That Aaron- _hyung_ told me to lock up. And w-why are your eyes brown now? They were golden that night, I remember.”

“Ah. The perks of being a blood-sucking creature of the night; I have really good hearing and my eyes change colour.”

Jonghyun can tell that the man is joking but fear instantly plants himself to the ground. Every atom in his body is telling him that this is dangerous — this man is dangerous but he finds the words leaving his mouth anyway.

“That man… who attacked me that night. He did it for my blood, right?” the man slowly nods. “Do you… kill people for blood, too?”

“No, I don’t.” For some reason, Jonghyun believes it. He finds himself putting faith in this stranger, a stranger he knows is dangerous — he knows isn’t human.

“Okay,” Jonghyun whispers and walks, leading the way back home.

They walk without uttering a single word, the man electing to walk an arm’s length away from Jonghyun who can’t help but notice the swiftness in the other man’s movements, almost as if his feet are not touching the ground. Jonghyun has half a mind to check if he’s actually hovering. It’s hot tonight, the summer heat during the day had borrowed itself to the night. It isn’t a long way home but Jonghyun finds himself sweating. It’s definitely because of the heat.

When they reach the apartment building, the man just stares at him quizzically, as if Jonghyun is a question he can’t seem to find the answer to. “Then,” he says after a while. “I‘ll go now.”

“Wait.” The man stops in his tracks. "Your name." Jonghyun can hear him sigh in frustration before he whips around with an annoyed look on his face.

“What did I say about -”

“Hwang Minhyun. That’s your name.” The expression on the man’s face softens. “You gave it to my boss.” _A useless business card,_ Jonghyun doesn’t say.

Minhyun stares at him before he barks out a laugh. “It took you long enough, Jonghyun.” He walks towards Jonghyun again who can feel his heart constricting as he watches the man’s every step. “But I did say I don’t like it when people interrupt me,” Minhyun says when he stops right in front of him. He reaches out a hand and pushes Jonghyun’s hair from his face, tucking the strands behind his ear, before cupping his cheek. Despite the summer heat, Minhyun’s hand is cold to the touch.

Jonghyun lets out a breath. “Do you really promise not to hurt me?” he asks, voice small.

“I said I don’t intend to hurt you. But sometimes, things don’t happen the way we intend them to, Jonghyun _-ah._ ” The familiarity sends shivers down Jonghyun’s spine.

Minhyun smiles at him, an inexplicable sadness clear on his face. “I have to go now.” He takes his hand off Jonghyun. “Don’t- don’t invite strangers into your home, it’s dangerous,” he says before he finally walks away, disappearing into the night.

Jonghyun almost misses the way Minhyun’s eyes had a glint of yellow before he left.

Almost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just.. really love vampires. and may have went a LITTLE crazy on this one.
> 
> thank you to my beta readers.  
> you can find me on twitter [@polarismp4](https://twitter.com/polarismp4)
> 
> comments and feedback are always appreciated :')


	2. my hands and heart were tied

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I should have just made him forget.” He’s getting more and more angry with himself as he continues. “That wasn’t supposed to happen. I never do something like that. I never do that. I was being irresponsible and now he knows.”
> 
> “But that was his choice wasn’t it?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it should be noted that the goryeo dynasty was different from the joseon dynasty. before the mongols invaded, goryeo claimed themselves to be an empire and therefore, their system of government was different. instead of the king (wang) there is an emperor (hwangje). below are some words used during the dynasty:
> 
> glossary:  
>  _hwangtaeja_ \- grand prince (crown prince)  
>  _jeonha_ \- how crown princes during goryeo times were styled as  
>  _nu-i_ \- the archaic version of noona

Minhyun plops himself onto the couch as soon as he enters the room. The couch has never been that comfortable, even when he first started going here two years ago. Minhyun has always thought that due to the traffic of people who often come here, it’s turned a little sagged. It smells a bit funny too and Minhyun has been sensitive to smells ever since he was a child. God, he would hope that the couch would be changed every time he drops by, only to be let down. Disappointed. But today, he doesn’t really mind it that much which is a big deal considering that’s the first thing he always complains about when he comes here; he always says that the couch should be replaced. And this doesn’t go unnoticed by his therapist too.

“You’re early today,” Dongho says, tone just as chipper as usual, as he sets down two cups of tea on the table between them. Taking out the clipboard and pen from under his arm, he sits down on the chair opposite to Minhyun. “Did anything good happen recently? You seem to be in a good mood.”

Minhyun _is_ in a good mood today but he didn’t think it was that obvious on his face. “Well, I met someone.” He can’t help the small smile that betrays himself on his lips when he says this. _Damn it._

“You met someone?” the therapist raises an eyebrow.

“Yes, I did!” It comes out a little more enthusiastic than he would have liked. He pulls his best poker face before continuing. “But it’s dangerous if I try to get closer to him. I should probably avoid him actually,” he says absentmindedly, staring at nothing in particular. His eyes dart at the random things around the room that he has seen more times than he cares to count at this point. “He’s interesting though and that makes me want to try even though I know it’s wrong.”

“I’m glad you consider his safety but I can’t believe you don’t care about my safety at all since we meet biweekly. I’m human too, Minhyun,” Dongho jokes. “I don’t think you getting to know him is wrong though. It’s only wrong if you make it wrong. What about him has got you so interested anyway?”

“He’s curious,” Minhyun begins. “And kind of stupid, actually. Maybe even a little naive?” He adds as an afterthought. “He’s afraid of me but he also keeps asking me questions about myself.” Minhyun never likes looking directly at Dongho’s face when he comes here. He feels way too read, too exposed, too _bare_. So instead he focuses on the cup in front of him, focusing his whole gaze there, as if waiting for it to do something interesting like setting itself on fire.

“It sounds like you think he’s annoying.” Dongho laughs at his own little quip but quickly falters when he sees the sombre look on Minhyun’s face. “Why is he afraid of you?” And then after a pause, he asks, “Wait, how did you two meet anyway?”

Minhyun takes in the question and wonders how he should go about telling the story. He shouldn’t lie — even _he_ knows that — but it’s not a story he is particularly keen on telling. And in the end, he decides to settle on the simple truth. “A newborn attacked him,” he says finally.

Dongho tries his best to mask his surprise but Minhyun catches it, even though it was only there for a fraction of a second. “And you helped him?” He writes in his notebook.

“Well, I had to. It was messy.” Minhyun runs a hand through his hair. “You know how I don’t like messes.”

Dongho stares at him, prompting him to continue his story.

“That night, I was just roaming around when I heard someone screaming nearby so obviously, I went to see what was happening. And then I smelt it. The blood. It was fresh and it smelled sweet. Newborns are so messy when they eat, you know? So the blood was just everywhere. It was so… so sweet, the aroma of it. I had to force myself to calm down especially when I saw the state of that guy. You see, he was hysterical which is normal if you’re mauled by something you don’t quite understand. I wanted to compel him to forget. I really did, I swear. But then he started begging me to not do it. He said he wanted to remember, even if it was a mistake. And then I called him stupid.” Minhyun laughs. “I wanted to see him again though, so I did. And I couldn’t help but feel guilty about it again in the end.” His voice, initially distressed, turns sad and unsure by the time he finishes. He hates this. He hates _feeling_ like this.

A pause. “Guilty about what?”

Expression dark, Minhyun answers. “That he knows. That he remembers everything. I should have just made him forget.” He’s getting more and more angry with himself as he continues. “That wasn’t supposed to happen. I never do something like that. I _never_ do that. I was being irresponsible and now he knows.” He let himself be carried by the moment and then let a victim of an attack remember it. He wasn’t acting like how he normally would have. He thinks back to Jonghyun’s fear when he looked him in the eye for the first time. He was shaking and was even about to scream if Minhyun wasn’t fast enough to shush him. He remembers Jonghyun’s desperation, how he dug his nails into the skin of Minhyun’s hands when he was begging him to let him remember.

“But that was his choice, wasn’t it?”

“I just don’t understand why someone would want to remember all that. The pain,” Minhyun says after a while, head in his hands. “He’s going to regret it and it’s going to hurt. But then, you know what he said to me?” Minhyun doesn’t wait for Dongho to answer. “He said humans make mistakes.”

Dongho nods. “Well, he’s right.”

Minhyun lifts his head to meet the therapist’s eyes. “But Doctor, I’ve made so many mistakes too. Too much to count and what does that make me? After a certain point, am I not just a monster?”

“A monster wouldn’t recognise his own mistakes.”

  
***  
  


Minhyun goes to work like he normally does during the day. It’s not a job he actually needs to have but he was bored that day he saw the job opening and he likes being surrounded by books. It makes him feel calm. The smell of the paper, old and new, vaguely reminds him of his childhood. Being thrust into his study as a child really made him appreciate reading and learning. And he always had company, too. He smiles fondly at the memory of sitting at his desk with only a lantern illuminating the texts in front of him as he carefully reads the words, trying to decipher whatever meaning they had. He could never understand them.

Minhyun closes the book he was skimming through and sighs as he puts it away on its designated shelf before pushing the cart through the aisle.

He doesn’t mind working with humans. He’s used to their smell and has learned to control his cravings at this point. At work, he’s just a normal twenty-four year old who spends his days drinking tea instead of coffee and having small talk with some of the older staff _noonas._ He doesn’t mind their mundane conversations of everyday life, he actually relishes in eavesdropping. The way they get so excited over nothing makes Minhyun wish he could tell stories of his own sometimes, but he can’t really recall any recent stories that would be deemed as normal.

Minhyun enjoys the library too, for its tall windows that let all the sunlight into the building. He’s grateful that the library doesn’t over-depend on dingy fluorescent lighting because while he can see, he much prefers the natural warmth of the sun. And he’s also just grateful that he has the privilege of having a _daylight ring_ — it’s ugly by modern standards, the jade ring is pretty gaudy to the untrained eye but it allows him to roam about during the day without setting himself on fire. _That was the least that bitch of a witch could do for me,_ Minhyun thinks. 

He thinks this will probably be a normal day — as normal as it can be for someone like him — until he sees, through the gaps of books on the shelf he was organising, a familiar face entering the section with someone yanking at his arm. He listens.

“Jonghyun _-ah_ , come on! What are we even doing here? You don’t even like to read.”

“Shh. That’s not true,” Minhyun hears him hiss, “I like reading manga.”

A laugh almost escapes his lips.

“You _hate_ leaving your apartment and need I remind you that I would be the one who has to drag you out.” Jonghyun’s friend huffs at him. “So, today I get a call and you say you want to go somewhere and I was like _fucking finally_ but you wanted to go to the library? The fucking _library?_ Jonghyun, what gives?”

Jonghyun looks around the room, “I just need to check something out, Minki.”

“Ugh. Whatever, I’m gonna go look around and see if they have anything interesting. Call me when you’re done doing whatever this is you’re doing.” And then he leaves Jonghyun, making his way to the second floor, dragging his feet while he does so as if trying to show Jonghyun how much he hates being there right at this moment.

Jonghyun stays back and continues to walk around the room, craning his neck as if hoping he could spot Minhyun over the shelves.

Minhyun doesn’t want to care — he shouldn’t care — but he also can't take this anymore. He sighs and wipes his hands on his jeans before making his way to the man in question. Jonghyun visibly freezes when he sees Minhyun walking over. He stares at Minhyun, eyes wide like a deer in the headlights.

_No, that’s wrong,_ Minhyun thinks. He stares at Minhyun like he knows that he’s the helpless deer to Minhyun’s potential predator.

“Hi! Can I help you with anything?” Minhyun asks with his friendliest tone of voice like he was speaking to any other normal guest at the library. He has to act normal. He has to act like he doesn’t particularly care. Because that’s what he decided on as the right thing to do. “You seemed to be a bit lost. Are you looking for something? A specific book?” He smiles.

“Oh.” Jonghyun, clearly shocked by the man’s sudden appearance, pauses and lowers his head, a show of nervousness. He starts fiddling with the hem of his shirt before he answers. “I- no, I wasn’t really looking for a book. I was looking for someone.”

The implication of his words makes Minhyun’s breath hitch ever so slightly but he quickly composes himself. “And did you find them?” 

“Yes. I found _him._ ” Jonghyun smiles at himself before lifting his head to gaze at Minhyun and smiling even brighter than before.

Minhyun crosses his arms and sighs. “Jonghyun- _ah_ , what are you doing here? How did you even find me?” He mentally curses himself for the familiarity he let slip through his lips. He’s way too comfortable when talking to this man. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Minhyun was hoping for a sense of finality when he left Jonghyun a week ago at the base of his building. He was hoping that Jonghyun would get the idea and wouldn’t try to get close. But he should’ve known. He said so himself, Jonghyun is curious.

“Well, one of your coworkers was very friendly with my boss. She really liked small talk,” Jonghyun explains. “But even though I knew it already, I still really wanted to make sure and see it for myself.”

“About?” _Me being a vampire?_

“You being a librarian.”

Minhyun can’t help the laughter that escapes. “You’re really weird, do you know that?”

“I’m not the vampire librarian.”

Minhyun’s expression turns dark at the casual way Jonghyun throws those words around. “Come with me,” he says curtly, grabbing Jonghyun’s hand and leading him to the back of the library. Minhyun doesn’t miss the way Jonghyun lets himself get dragged through the shelves, like he doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with someone like Minhyun bringing him to a dark and secluded area in the building. He doesn’t seem to mind at all. And it makes Minhyun angry.

“What are we doing here?” Jonghyun says after Minhyun lets go of his hand. Minhyun doesn’t miss the way Jonghyun stares at his empty hand either. Minhyun’s own hand is left with a burning sensation at their contact and yet, is also feeling lonely at the loss of it.

No one ever comes to the stacks. It’s dark and dingy and it honestly smells awful back here. No matter how much flowery scents Minhyun sprays, he just can’t seem to get rid of the stench. Minhyun has seen his fair share of disgusting occurrences at the stacks, namely by younger couples and he really hates going there himself because of it but they need some semblance of privacy for this conversation — this much needed conversation.

“Why are you so fine with being around me? Aren’t you scared at all?” Minhyun doesn’t understand where this bravery came from. The man in front of him was shaking when they met eyes for the first time, fear was clearly etched on his face. He was about to scream, he was afraid of the monster in front of him. He was afraid of a monster like Minhyun

“You said you wouldn’t hurt me,” Jonghyun simply says and shrugs.

Minhyun can feel his temper rising. “I said I wouldn’t, that didn’t mean I couldn’t.” 

“Then you just have to not hurt me. If you know you don’t want to then you just shouldn’t. We’re all capable of hurting others, aren’t we? I’m capable of hurting you too. Maybe not by a lot but I can. It’s just a matter of if we do or if we don’t. If you don’t want to, then don’t. If you don’t have a reason to hurt me then I don’t have a reason to be scared of you.” Jonghyun doesn’t break his gaze when he says this, looking at Minhyun directly in the eye as if trying to make him believe his every word.

Minhyun stares at the man beside him, confused. “Are you quoting something? Where did you get that from?” he asks, eyes searching Jonghyun’s face for any answers he might get.

Jonghyun looks away shyly, as if suddenly feeling embarrassed by his musings. A feeling that wasn’t there before. “It’s my own thoughts.”

  
  


_“It is my own,” she answers simply after the crown prince had asked her where her philosophy came from._

_“Nu-i, father has still refused to see me. I’m worried about him.” The crown prince complains as he always does when he visits his sister’s chambers. “Please grace me with more of your words of wisdom.”_

_“Hwangtaeja-nim, the emperor is very sick. He’s not ignoring you on purpose. He’s not ignoring this country on purpose either.” His sister remains calm, sipping on her tea. The crown prince wishes he had his sister’s patience. He wishes he has his sister’s_ _trust, too._

_“But there must be a way to cure him, we just have to find it. The gods of the sky would not have sent down an ailment if there was no cure for it!” he says with conviction._

_His sister chuckles. “The gods are not in the sky, Jeonha. Emperors looked to the people for worship. Great rulers look to the people for guidance. If the people do not like us and believe that we are nothing, they will throw us out and shame us. If you don’t hurt the people, then they will not hurt you. That’s what true gods do, Hwangtaeja-nim.”_

_He laughs. Though there are many great philosophers, he always finds that his sister’s words of advice have the most meaning behind them. At least meaning that he can understand. He and his sister have always been rather close growing up, he would even say that his sister is his best friend, his favourite person in this world._

_“You are the smartest person I know, nu-i.”_

_She smiles. “I have to be. I have to make up for your lack of intellect, Jeonha.”_

  
  


Minhyun feels his eyes prick at the words Jonghyun just uttered. Something heavy is filling his chest, something that he can’t quite explain. It’s suffocating and strange how after over a thousand years of breathing, he suddenly feels himself being short of breath. All because of a human man with too much curiosity and a gleaming look in his eyes as he says so with surety. He closes his eyes and opens them again, slowly, taking in every movement, every sound, every feeling around him. He lets the overwhelming sensation take over himself for a few moments. He lets out a breath.

“There’s something else that I’ve been wondering about actually.” Jonghyun says after a while.

“Which is?” Minhyun asks, trying his best to keep his voice leveled.

“How can you walk in the sun? You said you were ‘a creature of the night’ very dramatically, too.” Jonghyun pouts, eyebrows furrowed. _It’s cute_ , Minhyun notes.

Minhyun lifts his hand and shows his jade ring. “My ring protects me from the sunlight,” he explains. “It’s called a daylight ring. I’ll burn to a crisp without it.”

Jonghyun makes a sound of acknowledgment and nods, as if this all makes perfect sense to him.

“Well, this has been fun. But unfortunately, I have to attend to some more important matters,” says Minhyun nonchalantly.

“You’re leaving?” Jonghyun asks, the disappointment in his voice is not something easy to miss. Minhyun has been alive for far too long that he’d be foolish if he couldn’t detect it.

“Yes, I have to go, Sweet One. I have work, remember?” He smiles before turning around, walking away from the human man who he has grown a little fond of lately.

But he doesn’t get far before he feels a pair of hands gripping his. “Wait.” He turns and sees Jonghyun staring at him dead in the eyes, no fear that he can detect. It’s filled with another emotion that Minhyun is able to discern as longing. “I’ll be able to see you again, right? We can see each other again, right? I’m not afraid of you, I promise.” Jonghyun whispers and for some reason, Minhyun can feel his steadiness crumbling at Jonghyun’s words, at Jonghyun’s gaze. He can’t bring himself to lie when it comes to Jonghyun.

“Of course we can.” He smiles at him. 

And it’s only when he finally walks away and finds himself staring at the bathroom mirror does Minhyun realise that it was genuine and that he, too, had eyes filled with longing.

_This is dangerous_ , he thinks.

_Minhyun stares blankly at the cup in front of him. He wonders if his face gives away his emotions this time. “I’m scared of being close to him. What if I go back to how I was?”_

_“How you ‘were’?” Dongho asks him, eyebrow raised, stopping the scribbling on his paper._

_“You know about my past — my history with addiction,” Minhyun says quietly._

_“I also know that you’ve been sober for more than sixty years now too.” Dongho sighs. “Listen Minhyun, I know that this is hard and that you feel this guilt but you can’t keep punishing yourself for things that you can’t change anymore. You’ve worked hard for the better half the past century, you deserve happiness too.”_

_Minhyun doesn’t know why but he finds himself laughing even though he knows there’s nothing funny about the situation. “Trust me, Dongho. When you’re as old as I am; when you’ve seen the things that I’ve seen and when you have done the things that I’ve done, you wouldn’t be saying that.”_

_“Minhyun -” Dongho starts but Minhyun cuts him off, voice slightly raised._

_“You wouldn’t even be thinking that at all.”_

  
  


As soon as he’s back home, Minhyun is desperate for relief. 

He swiftly moves to the kitchen where he knows what awaits for him there. He opens the fridge and grabs one of the many blood bags on the shelves and makes his way to his living room, not bothering to turn on the lights. He takes a sip of the blood and relishes in the way it tastes on his tongue. It’s cold but it’s sweet. But he knows it’s not as sweet as the whiff he got from Jonghyun from that night. He’s been hungry — he’s been so hungry the entire day and he was practically salivating when Jonghyun grabbed his hand earlier. The blood in his hands doesn’t taste that great but it’s better than an animal blood diet that Minhyun had tried before he puked it out in disgust. Minhyun hasn’t had a fresh kill in more than sixty years and has been living off the blood bags he steals from the hospital and blood banks for the better half of a century. Sure, it’s akin to him eating leftovers from the fridge for more than half a century but Minhyun can’t allow himself to lose control.

The old him — the younger him — was a monster. Simple as that. He can’t allow himself to turn into that again.

The look that Jonghyun gave him, that longing in his eyes — the longing that was mirrored in his own eyes — Minhyun tries to think back hard to figure out what kind of longing it was. Was it the same longing for his blood he felt the night they met? That feeling of intense desire as soon as he smelt the blood on the streets after what felt like he had been eviscerated for a century. The kind of longing that made his eyes turn yellow in pure animalistic hunger. Or was it the longing for the man himself? The man who looked at him without fear, with conviction, who lived his life being sure of what he wanted — a look of trust that Minhyun wonders if he even deserves.

Minhyun sucks on the bag harder, squeezing it so hard that it crumples and tries his best to calm his desires. He knows it’s disgusting. He knows that _he’s_ disgusting. But Minhyun can’t shake that look in Jonghyun’s eyes — the look of certainty and hope that fills him with a kind of hunger that he can’t quite explain yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! so i was really overwhelmed by the responses i got for the first chapter. this is a very self indulgent fic so i didnt expect people to be that into it hhhhh but i am grateful for the kind comments so thank you <3
> 
> fun fact: blood banks were first established in the usa in 1937! but the korean red cross (krc) blood services only started in 1957, after the ceasefire of the korean war in 1953
> 
> my fics are archived at [@polarismp4](https://twitter.com/polarismp4).  
> if i made any mistakes with the way goryeo worked then please inform me! i tried to look through as many sources as i could but i'm still susceptible to mistakes
> 
> thanks for reading!


	3. a cavern of secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “How are you fine with this?” Minhyun asks him, voice quiet. He stares at him again and Jonghyun can see the tinge of fear in this man’s eyes.
> 
> Fear.
> 
> A vampire who feels fear. Jonghyun isn’t sure if he’s ever read that in those fairytales.

It scares Jonghyun.

_“Do you… kill people for blood, too?”_

_“No, I don’t.”_

It scares Jonghyun how easy it was to trust Minhyun’s words.

Everything in his body is telling him that this is wrong, that this is dangerous but Jonghyun still manages to trust that someone like Minhyun won’t hurt him. No, that’s not right. He trusts that _Minhyun_ won’t hurt him — at least, not on purpose. Because he believes in the words Minhyun has told him thus far. And it scares him how easy it is for him to believe. Ever since Minhyun held him gently, and told him to drink in his soothing voice as he healed Jonghyun from the brink of death, Jonghyun started believing him. Maybe it’s gratitude that Jonghyun feels but for some reason, the weight on his chest feels heavier than that.

_Sweet One._

Minhyun must be old but his physical appearance tells Jonghyun that he should be around the same age as him. Jonghyun has to ask him about that the next time they meet.

The next time they meet.

_“I’ll be able to see you again, right? We can see each other again, right? I’m not afraid of you, I promise.”_

_“Of course we can.” He smiles at Jonghyun._

To say that Jonghyun hasn’t weighed the pros and cons of being close to a vampire wouldn’t be true. He’s thought about it long and hard, ever since his very first encounter with the man who saved him. And Jonghyun decided that he can trust Minhyun. He hasn’t done anything to hurt Jonghyun thus far and doesn’t even seem to plan to. Minhyun must think he’s stoic and aloof, but his eyes tell the people around him so much more than he would probably like. That day at the library, Minhyun had looked at him so intensely that Jonghyun felt his face start to slowly heat up. There was nothing in his eyes except for warmth. He even laughed at Jonghyun’s jokes without any coldness from their first meeting that Jonghyun could detect. He seemed to enjoy the company too, with the way he was comfortable with calling him familiarly. And Jonghyun is starting to feel a semblance of comfort, too. The only time Jonghyun has ever been actually afraid of Minhyun was the night they met, but even then the fear of Minhyun himself was quickly dispelled. And that was what scared Jonghyun the most.

Minhyun said they could meet again but he hasn’t come to Jonghyun’s workplace ever since the night he walked him home. And Jonghyun hasn’t really made that much of an effort either because, well, he just hates going out in general. But it’s been around two weeks since the last time they spoke and now curiosity is starting to get the better of him.

Which is why — against his better judgement — Jonghyun is standing outside of the library near closing time, hoping he could catch a glimpse of the man. He watches as some of the staff start to leave the building, bidding their farewells to each other after another day at work.

Except for the one person he’s been waiting for.

Jonghyun sighs. “Where is he?” he mutters under his breath.

“Why are you here?” says a voice behind him.

He turns around to see Minhyun standing in front of him, expression blank. He stands there still, barely moving, and Jonghyun isn’t even sure if the person before his eyes is a mirage or not, until Minhyun tilts his head, confused at the stretching silence.

“What are you doing here?” he asks again.

“I was waiting for you,” Jonhyun replies simply. _Why else would I be here?_

“I meant why.” 

“You said that it was okay for us to see each other again.” Jonghyun can’t help the smile that reaches his lips. He can’t help but feel a little happier after seeing Minhyun again. It’s strange — they don’t even know each other that well but Jonghyun feels comfortable too. But the illusion is instantly shattered when the man replies coldly.

“I,” Minhyun starts, “I don’t think we should see each other anymore.” He ends off quieter than when he began, as if unsure of his own words. But whether or not he believes them, Jonghyun wouldn’t be able to tell from the icy look on the man’s face. He’s trying to be detached but Jonghyun looks at his eyes for the answers. And his eyes are gazing back at his own with the same warmth they had the last time Jonghyun visited him at the library.

“You don’t mean that.”

“You -”

“You don’t mean that at all, Minhyun _-ah._ ”

He stays silent, eyes wide at Jonghyun’s sudden outburst. “Who said you could talk to me like that?”

“You were acting all chummy to me the last time we met. I’m returning the favour.”

“I’m older than you.”

“Oh yeah? By how much?”

Jonghyun watches, amused, as Minhyun opens and closes his mouth, unsure of how to respond to the question. If Jonghyun’s eyes are working fine, he would also say that the tips of Minhyun’s ears are slowly turning red. Even in the darkness, Jonghyun can see what the man in front of him is like when he’s embarrassed.

Minhyun doesn’t answer the question though, because he decides to ask one instead.

“How are you fine with this?” Minhyun asks him, voice quiet. He stares at him again and Jonghyun can see the tinge of fear in this man’s eyes.

Fear.

A vampire who feels fear. Jonghyun isn’t sure if he’s ever read _that_ in those fairytales.

“You told me yourself, I’m more likely to die from a car crash than by you.”

“I was being dramatic.”

“Oh, I could tell,” Jonghyun laughs. “Isn’t that a common stereotype?”

Minhyun frowns at his joke. And then he asks in a voice quieter than before, in barely a whisper, “How are you okay with _me?_ ”

“You won’t hurt me.” Jonghyun sighs. “Anyway, we’ve been through this haven’t we? Can we please get dinner or something? I’m hungry.” As if on queue, his stomach rumbles — quite loudly, too — and that finally gets a smile out of Minhyun.

“Okay,” he says. “But you’re paying.”

They settle on a small place that sells _jjajangmyeon_ nearby, per Jonghyun’s suggestion. As they walk towards their destination, their shoulders would bump every so often. For some reason, Minhyun’s proximity suddenly makes him feel a little shy. Every time their arms would brush, Jonghyun feels his skin burning at the touch. He wonders if Minhyun feels the way he feels, too. Actually, he wonders if Minhyun can _hear_ the thundering of his heartbeat in the cage of his chest. If Minhyun _can_ hear it, he doesn’t let it show on his face and instead has that blank expression he always does throughout their walk. Jonghyun must have gone insane because he finds that endearing too.

The place is small but it isn’t packed. Not many people are here tonight and the owner smiles at them warmly when he sees Jonghyun lift the clear flaps up to enter. The summer heat is still present but the hum of cicadas one would normally hear during the day is instead replaced by the low hum of the radio next to the cashier. Only when they sit down, finish ordering and receive their food, does a realisation suddenly hit Jonghyun.

“Wait a minute.” Minhyun raises his head. “How can you eat normal food?” Jonghyun recalls Minhyun eating with his coworkers at the restaurant.

“Oh,” he says before pausing for a few beats as if pondering on how to answer the question in the most normal way possible. And then he finally replies, “If I get a healthy amount of my normal diet, my body functions like normal. Plus, I would rather die than not be able to eat any _jjajangmyeon_ anymore. It’s not nutritious but it tastes good. Kind of like candy? It does nothing for my body but it leaves a good taste for a bit.”

Jonghyun takes in the words. “A healthy amount of your ‘normal diet’?” His fingers quoting in the air.

“Yes.” After another pause. “Human blood.” He stares at Jonghyun again, expression turned cold, challenging Jonghyun with his words.

Jonghyun takes up the challenge. “But you don’t kill people, right?”

“I already told you, I don’t.”

“Okay,” he says before slurping the noodles in front of him. He decides that he’ll just ask about it another time. 

Another time.

Jonghyun feels himself blushing at the thought and gets embarrassed that he’s suddenly getting shy about it. He tries to enjoy the food but Minhyun continues to stare at him, his eyes softer than before, the food in front of him untouched. It makes Jonghyun nervous. “Why are you staring at me like that?”

Minhyun smiles. “You eat really messy.” He leans into the table and reaches his hand towards Jonghyun’s face. Minhyun’s thumb gently swipes at his mouth and Jonghyun can feel his whole body start to erupt in flames. Surely Minhyun must be able to hear the pulsating beat of his heart. He must be able to, because when his face is only inches away from Jonghyun’s, he smirks. He leans back and shows Jonghyun his thumb — there’s a dark brown smudge on it from the sauce of the _jjajangmyeon._ “See?” Minhyun says. And then he does something that makes Jonghyun’s skin feel like it’s melting off of his flesh. With wide eyes, he watches as Minhyun takes his thumb into his mouth, slowly sucking the sauce off his finger, not breaking eye contact the whole time he does it. “It’s sweet.” He says after a while and then he cheerily picks up his chopsticks to eat his own bowl of noodles like nothing happened.

Jonghyun’s throat feels so dry, a juxtaposition to the wet tongue that peeps out of Minhyun’s mouth to lick his lips before eating.

“You -” He clears his throat. “Do you always do that?”

Minhyun stops right before he manages to put the noodles in his mouth. “Do what?” He asks innocently, noodles still hanging from his chopsticks, a glint in his eyes.

“Stop playing dumb. What you did just now, when you -” Jonghyun pauses, unsure of how to form the words in the least embarrassing manner. “When you wiped my mouth.” Is what he settles on.

“Would you rather I do it directly? Without my thumb?”

What Minhyun implies with his words makes Jonghyun’s face heat up. It reminds him of Minhyun’s sudden kiss on the night they met, cold lips that burned his entire being. It reminds him of Minhyun’s gentle hand pushing the hair from Jonghyun’s face to tuck behind his ear, gazing at him warmly as his hand cradles his cheek, fingers smooth against his skin. It reminds him of Minhyun’s soft voice that told him that it’s okay for them to meet again.

“Minhyun- _ah._ ” Jonghyun sets his utensils aside.

The man in front of him rolls his eyes at the choice of words, but he’s not mad, if anything he’s amused going by how he chuckles. “What?” he asks.

“You shouldn’t do that,” the tone of his voice serious.

Minhyun lifts an eyebrow. “Why? Do you hate it?”

“No, I don’t.” He lifts his eyes to meet Minhyun’s gaze. “But I don’t know what you’re intending when you say and do things like that.” It puts him at a loss — the times he can’t read the man in front of him. “I’m confused.”

“Confused? What -” before he abruptly stops. He pauses and Jonghyun watches as Minhyun’s face contorts to something like panic. It sends shivers down his spine, the same kind of chill he got the night he was attacked. Expression dark, Minhyun turns around towards the radio near the cashier at the other side of the establishment that seemingly no one is listening to. “Excuse me, sir,” he calls to the owner. “Can you turn that up?”

The owner turns the volume knob on the radio and at first Jonghyun can’t decipher the static sound coming from the old radio. Minhyun’s frown only deepens but Jonghyun doesn’t know why. And then he hears it, the muffled sound of the reporter’s voice that finally reaches Jonghyun’s ear.

_“- the police have arrived and have blocked anyone from entering the crime scene. Earlier reports state that the victim is a young woman — Song Yeeun, aged twenty-seven years old — who worked as a waitress at the club where the murder took place. The woman was found in a pool of blood in the alleyway outside of the establishment in Gangnam-gu with strange wounds on her neck similar to (quote) an animal bite (unquote). The suspect is still unknown as of now.”_

Jonghyun feels it again — that fear from the night he was attacked. It slowly creeps up on him like it always does and like a snake, it coils itself around him and leaves him paralysed with the poison it digs into Jonghyun’s flesh. The fear is acute and he’s scared. No, actually he’s terrified. His mind keeps going back to the terror at the thought of dying on the ground stacked with garbage as a monster rips into his skin. It must have been that woman’s last thoughts too; dying far too young, dying because of someone else’s infliction.

It’s lonely.

It’s cold.

It’s sad.

He clenches his fist and tries to focus on something else, but his mind keeps jumping wildly in different directions, towards different versions of the night of his attack. In one version, the attacker manages to kill him. In another, the attacker leaves him on the ground, barely alive and Minhyun never comes to help him. In the worst version, his attacker _is_ Minhyun. But rationally, he knows that that’s wrong. The panic in his chest swells bigger and bigger like a bubble that’s ready to burst. Like the day on the train, he feels his fear come up from the base of his stomach and is ready to vomit it all out. He feels nauseous, he knows he’s about to pass out too. He can’t keep thinking about this. He needs to stop. He needs to focus.

And then he feels a hand gripping his own fist gently. He turns and sees that Minhyun has moved to the seat beside him. “Hey,” he says softly. “Look at me, okay? And breathe slowly.” With shallow breaths, he watches Minhyun breathe in, wait a few moments and then breathe out, and he tries his best to follow. He can breathe again but only just. He doesn’t stop mimicking the man beside him until his breaths finally even out. Jonghyun feels tears start prick his eyes and before he can do anything about it, Minhyun is already wiping them with his thumb. “Are you okay?” he asks after a while, hand gently resting on Jonghyun’s cheek.

Jonghyun doesn’t say anything but he shakes his head as an answer.

Minhyun takes away his hand and Jonghyun instantly misses it’s touch. “We have to go. I need to take you somewhere, okay?”

“Okay,” Jonghyun replies quietly.

He doesn’t remember how but he ends up in Minhyun’s car and they’re driving along the road towards a part of town that Jonghyun has never been to. Almost like the cologne he could never buy, even the car that Jonghyun is sitting in right now makes him feel a little small. It starts to rain as they are about to drive off and the pedestrian walks are suddenly filled with faceless people under grey umbrellas, a stark difference to Minhyun’s bright red Lexus that is safely and surely protected from the outside world. He watches silently as Minhyun drives through the streets, eyes focused on the road in front of him. The patter of the summer rain against the glass doesn’t calm him like it normally would — Jonghyun has always felt a little lost in Seoul but the rain feels the same as it did in his hometown. He would normally relish in sleeping during the rain; it has acted as white noise for him to drown his thoughts and allowed for him to be transported back into his childhood home but instead, Jonghyun feels anxiety start to pool in his stomach again.

“You okay?” Minhyun asks him, looking ahead.

And Jonghyun finds himself telling the truth again. “No.”

He feels a hand reach for his own and Minhyun carefully laces their fingers together. “We’ll get there soon, Sweet One.”

_‘There’_ turns out to be a high rise condominium that Jonghyun _knows_ he will never be able to afford no matter how hard he works. When they enter the building, the doorman seems to recognise Minhyun and greets him with a smile that he returns. Small talk about how their days went is briefly exchanged before Minhyun marches forward. They walk across the main floor towards the elevator and once inside, it’s only then does Jonghyun realise that Minhyun has not let go of his hand since before. For one thing, it’s weird that he wouldn’t notice such close contact — he’s always been hyper aware of Minhyun’s physical closeness. It would always make him feel _slightly_ nervous. But maybe, just maybe, it’s because Minhyuns’s hand in his makes him feel grounded in reality. He isn’t about to float away into the nothingness of the abyss in his thoughts anytime soon. There is something — someone — who is keeping him close. 

It makes him feel safe.

Minhyun lives on the top floor and when they reach there, Jonghyun can’t help the gasp that escapes his lips. The apartment is huge, bigger than any home Jonghyun has ever been in. The white walls and lightly coloured floor and ceiling creates an illusion of larger space in the already large room. The ceiling to floor windows give a perfect view of the city below them — the lights of Seoul almost looking like a second night sky at their feet. But despite the grandness of it all, there is minimal furniture in the open area; the living room has a couch, a TV and a bookshelf but that’s about it. There’s not many traces of Minhyun in his own house — just a few pictures on the wall in this barren room — it’s almost as though Minhyun only lives here but he’s not truly alive in his home.

Still holding his hand, Minhyun brings him to the couch. “Wait here,” he says before he disappears to another room.

Jonghyun doesn’t sit on the couch but instead looks at the few pictures on the walls. These pictures are old from what Jonghyun can tell; black and white photos of a Minhyun from another time stare back at him, frozen in the past. In one photo, Minhyun is wearing a hanbok at a traditional looking Korean house, he seems to have been celebrating something with his two friends; a man and a woman. The man is handsome, only an inch or two shorter than Minhyun, his eyes gleaming with a mischievous smile on his face. The woman is beautiful; she is much shorter than Minhyun, her lips thick — in a constant pout — and her long black hair is kept in a braid. In another, he’s wearing a classically styled suit, his hair slicked back while smiling in a group photo. His two companions still by his side, both of their appearances also change, suiting their time. And Jonghyun realises that those two must be vampires, too. There’s a photo of Minhyun in an old military uniform, an arm around the shoulder of his male friend, another around the woman. The photo next to it shows Minhyun at the Han River with longer hair and retro clothing. It must’ve been the eighties from what Jonghyun can tell. But this is the first photo without the male friend. The Minhyun of the past still has the woman by his side though, still smiling as brightly as ever.

“What are you doing?” a voice behind him asks.

Jonghyun turns around and smiles. “Are these your friends?” he asks, finger pointing at the various photos.

“Hm,” Minhyun hums, face sombre. “I don’t know about that anymore.”

“What do you mean?”

Minhyun doesn’t say anything for a few moments before he finally answers, “It’s complicated.”

Jonghyun nods, not wanting to press on further for information that Minhyun is clearly uncomfortable divulging. Instead, he focuses on the thing in Minhyun’s hand. “What’s that?” he asks.

Minhyun hands a small envelope to him. “Open it.”

The envelope is clearly old. It’s even sealed with wax which tells Jonghyun that Minhyun hasn’t opened it since he acquired it however long ago it was. He rips the paper open to find a jade ring inside it, one almost identical to the ring Minhyun is wearing. Jonghyun frowns.

“Why are you giving me a daylight ring?”

Minhyun chuckles. “It’s not a daylight ring.”

“Then what is it?”

Not answering, he grabs Jonghyun’s hand and brings him to the couch to sit beside him. “Do you remember the night we met? When I told you that I could take all your pain away?” 

Jonghyun nods. “I still don’t know what you meant by that.”

Still holding Jonghyun’s hand, Minhyun replies, “Vampires have this ability called compulsion. They can compel you to do things against your will, to say things to other people that you don’t mean,” he pauses. “To forget things that are too painful.” He watches Jonghyun’s face before he continues. “This ring will protect you from that. From all compulsion vampires can do, even from me.”

Jonghyun is quiet for a while, taking in the words, before he asks, “So this ring would give me a choice?”

“Yes, it will.” Minhyun smiles.

Jonghyun looks at the ring, carefully examining it before he puts it on and returns the smile. “Thank you,” he whispers.

Minhyun reaches out and brushes the hair out of Jonghyun’s eyes. “I want you to have a choice, especially when it comes to me.”

“What do you mean by that?” he asks, voice quiet.

A pause. Minhyun stares at him again, eyes intense, just like that day at the library. “Well, I’m comfortable around you,” he confesses. “More than I dared to be — more than I know I should be. And it makes me feel guilty that I do.”

“Why?”

“I pulled you into this world and it’ll be dangerous for you. I didn’t want for this to happen.” He sighs.

Jonghyun frowns. “You didn’t pull me in, Minhyun. I asked for it. That was all my choice. I came to you again and again because I wanted to. That’s not your fault.”

“But -”

“No, it’s not your fault,” Jonghyun says with conviction. “And it’s not your fault that I feel the same way about you.”

He stares at Jonghyun, eyes wide in shock like he doesn’t believe it. But then his expression softens — it’s warm. His gaze moves from Jonghyun’s eyes and travels down to his lips and back to his eyes again. “Can I?” he asks.

And Jonghyun finds himself nodding.

Minhyun leans in and brushes their lips together softly and is about to pull away when Jonghyun grips at his shirt and pulls him closer again. It’s gentle and slow, there’s no haste to it, like they have all the time in the world. He feels himself smiling into the kiss.

“Minhyun _-ah,_ ” he starts, their faces only a few inches away from each other.

“Hm?”

“I can’t believe you told me to pay for dinner when you drive _that_ car and live in _this_ place.”

Minhyun throws his head back in laughter. “I was the one who paid for dinner anyway.” He runs a hand through Jonghyun’s hair before resting it on his neck. “I have to take you home.”

“I can’t stay here?” Jonghyun furrows his eyebrows.

Minhyun shakes his head. “No, it’s safer for you at home than it is for you to be here. Vampires can’t enter a human’s home without their permission.”

Something clicks in Jonghyun’s head. “Is that why you told me to…?” his voice trailing off.

_“Don’t - don’t invite strangers into your home, it’s dangerous.” Minhyun’s voice echoes in his head._

“Yes.”

Jonghyun smiles again. “I feel like you’ve always been looking out for me.”

Minhyun holds his hand again and brings it to his lips, pressing them softly against Jonghyun’s skin. “Well, you are my Sweet One.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the end of the first act. i really enjoyed writing this chapter. i hope you guys enjoy reading this too!
> 
> i will most probably take a hiatus to complete the rest of the story before posting it. i want it to turn out as good as i possibly can so i've been doing my best to map it all out which will take more time.
> 
> thank you for your nice comments <3
> 
> my fics are archived [@polarismp4](https://twitter.com/polarismp4).


	4. interlude: an incomplete song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The crown prince awakens in his chambers, a cool, wet cloth placed onto his forehead. He doesn’t remember much but he must have collapsed in the rain. He turns his head only to see his sister crouching beside his bed, her head in her knees, her whole body is shaking. It is then that he realises that she is crying.
> 
> “Nu-i,” he calls her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> glossary:
> 
> pyeha - how the emperor is styled as  
> jeonha - how the crown prince is styled as  
> songak - the location of the palace in the then capital, kaesong  
> nu-i - the archaic form of noona  
> daejaeng - a korean zither used during the goryeo period

“ _Pyeha_ ,” the eunuch calls to the palace of the Emperor. “The crown prince has arrived.” 

There is no response from the inside of the chambers. Ever since he was a child, the prince has always felt that he was welcome to visit his father. The Emperor is a strict but benevolent man, he has never outright ignored the whims of his son. Perhaps the crown prince has grown up spoiled. He turns to the eunuch again, lifting an eyebrow as if to prompt the eunuch to ask one more time. But the eunuch shakes his head and whispers in response, “ _Jeonha_ , the Emperor is not feeling well today which is why-”

“Which is why I am here. As the crown prince, it is my duty to check up on him,” he finishes for the eunuch.

“ _Jeonha_ , you cannot. The plague has already taken so many of the servants who tend to the Emperor. You cannot enter,” the eunuch pleads.

“But there must be a cure. It has been three weeks.” _Since I have seen my father,_ the crown prince doesn’t say.

“The royal physician is trying his best, _Jeonha._ ” The eunuch starts to lead him away. “It’s for the best.”

But the crown prince doesn’t leave. Instead, he kneels in front of his father’s chambers — not in protest, but in devotion. He stays there even as the eunuch practically begs for him to leave as it could endanger his own life but the prince does not care about that either. He waits for his father who doesn’t step foot from the palace. He waits as the sky starts to darken and the birds fly away from the upcoming storm. He waits as the rain drenches his back, to the point where he knows he will fall ill from this. But he will wait and he will pray, because that is all he can do for his father.

***

The crown prince awakens in his chambers, a cool, wet cloth placed onto his forehead. He doesn’t remember much but he must have collapsed in the rain. He turns his head only to see his sister crouching beside his bed, her head in her knees, her whole body is shaking. It is then that he realises that she is crying.

“ _Nu-i_ ,” he calls her.

She lifts her head and he sees the tears that streak her face. His heart clenches at the sight of it. He did this. He made her cry.

“You are so foolish,” she says to him. He has never seen her look so upset with him. Even as a child, she would rarely get mad at what he does but now he sees the anger that is clear in her gaze. This time she is serious. This time, she is disappointed with him.

His eyes lower in shame and he sees the basin of water at her feet. She must have been tending to him when he was sick but he hasn’t known how long he has been sleeping for. Those are the exact same clothes he saw her in the last time they were face to face with each other. How long has that been? It must have been a few hours. He remembers that he saw her in the morning. There is still daylight shining through the windows from outside. She cannot have stayed here for days. She can’t have. Guilt starts to manifest itself in him like the fever that he had just undergone. He feels so cold.

“I apologise,” he whispers.

“Min- _ah_ ,” she dares to address him so casually now that they are in private. “If you ever scare me like that again, I will never forgive you.”

“But I had to see him,” he says.

“You could not wait? What is so important that you made yourself fall ill?” his sister asks hotly. She is still angry at him, rightfully so. It seems she is always the one to take care of him after he does something life threatening.

The crown prince frowns. Ever since he first heard about it, he has felt a discomfort in his chest. And now he sees that his father is so ill that he cannot even leave his own palace. With a voice that is barely a whisper he says, “The wedding.”

The expression on his sister’s face softens and she nods in acknowledgement. “I’m sorry. I already told them it was too fast.”

“Why are you apologising? It’s not like you are the one who arranged it. They told me that it was father who had arranged it but he is so ill, how can he?” His frown only deepens. “I have never met my betrothed,” he says after a pause.

“She is kind. At least, those are the rumours that I have heard going around. I heard she is a beauty, too,” his sister explains quietly. “The advisors say that it is a good match. ‘An ideal match,’ those were the words they used. It’s for the betterment of the people in these trying times,” she says unconvincingly, as if she doesn’t even believe those words herself. “The Emperor is sick, the people need to look to you for hope.”

“It is for the people,” he mutters. “Who am I to complain? I’m merely the crown prince.”

“I know you are upset. I know this isn’t ideal for you-”

“Ideal?” he cuts her off. “ _Nu-i_ , I have never met her. I don’t _love_ her. How can I marry her? It will be unjust.”

His sister sighs. “I understand. You rest first, I will try talking to the advisors,” his sister says as she hurriedly stands up, seemingly on her way to greet them right at this moment. But he cannot help the laugh that escapes his lips. She turns to him, shock clearly etched on her face, her lips in a tight line.

Realising what thought he was laughing at, he quickly apologises. “I’m sorry,” he says. “I didn’t mean to.”

“What are you apologising for, _Jeonha?_ ” her fists quivering as she utters the words. “Say it.”

“I can’t.”

“If you can laugh at it, then you can say it.”

He doesn’t meet her gaze anymore and instead stares at the floor. “The advisors don’t even listen to me, the crown prince. I was laughing at the fact that you thought they would listen to you.” He regrets the words as they leave his mouth. It’s harsh. He knows the implications of it.

“You laugh because I am lowly in your eyes?” she sneers.

“That is not what I meant-”

“That is exactly what you meant. That is why you said it. That is why you thought of it.” She doesn’t look at him, but he knows that she is hurt. He did it again. “I know I am lowly in your eyes and in the eyes of everyone else in Songak. You don’t have to coddle me, _Jeonha_. I know my place here and I have never overextended my place here, I know where I stand. I am just trying my best to help you with what I have. I am your sister.”

“I know people have doubted you since we were children but _nu-i_ , I have never doubted you.” His sister stares at him, eyes softening at his every word. At times like these, he feels that he is the older who is comforting the younger.

He sighs and stands up.

“ _Jeonha!_ ” she yells in panic, grabbing his hand, trying to force him to sit down.

But he ignores her. He walks across the room, his legs still stiff and sore from his rest, to the chests and shelves that line his wall. He opens a casing and inside is a long and heavy object, hidden in white cloth. 

The crown prince unwraps the _daejaeng_ and sits cross legged on the floor, resting its head on his knee and the tail on the hard ground.

And then he starts to play a song.

He had written it for his sister but it’s far from complete. He plays it anyway, eyes trained on the strings in front of him. He doesn’t look up, but from the sniffing he hears he knows that she has started crying. He feels his heart start to ache, too.

Once he finishes playing, he finally meets her gaze, watery eyes upon watery eyes. “I’m sorry I said such cruel words. I am your brother. You know I am on your side. Always.”

“And I am always on yours.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! im back!!!
> 
> i'm using interludes to break up the acts and this one essentially acts like a memory log.
> 
> im planning to post one chapter a week (friday) starting next week! 
> 
> (this might be subject to change though because im gonna start getting busy with uni soon)
> 
> see you later peeps ✌


	5. the light of the stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s quiet, but he knows someone is here. The lights in the room are turned off, perfect for concealing whoever it is in the shadows. But it doesn’t matter whether it’s dark or not, Minhyun can see perfectly fine. The sound of books from his shelf toppling over alarms him and he immediately turns to the source only to see that no one is there.
> 
> Someone is behind him, he knows it.
> 
> Minhyun bares his fangs before turning around and grips the trespasser by the neck, slamming her to the wall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: suicidal thoughts
> 
> ACT 2: THE TOUCH OF YOUR HANDS
> 
> glossary:  
> jeogori - the outer jacket of the top part of a hanbok ([this](https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-JnhGmUxdysI/WQcNcchVGvI/AAAAAAAAD9w/BFNuPtV3RiInIwoPjjNF3tlBGTvsrxSTQCEw/s1600/Jacket%2Bfront.jpeg) [part](https://3.bp.blogspot.com/_RfHV60TyRQk/SkVMYUHm3RI/AAAAAAAAAZA/mYedPpQ509w/w1200-h630-p-k-no-nu/Striped+Jeogori.jpg))

Minhyun knows that there are other vampires around. 

Seoul is a big city; in a city with over nine million people in population, there’s bound to be others but he can’t shake off the feeling of dread that’s starting to shackle him the more he thinks about it. After sending Jonghyun back, he put the news on again to listen to any updates, only to hear that there was another attack. _Lee Hyebin._ A woman who worked at the red light district, found dead outside her apartment. The wounds akin to an animal bite.

Two dead in a night. Three known attacks in the past three weeks when there have probably been more that Minhyun isn’t aware of yet. Jonghyun’s attack was never reported on but that woman who died around three weeks ago, _Kang Dami_ , whose article was taken down right after Minhyun managed to read it also died in the same manner. And she was also a waitress in her early twenties.

All women of these women were in their twenties. All found in crowded areas. All drained of blood.

It’s stupid. Most vampires try to live on the down low, nobody wants to be outed as a living monster, and having authorities see patterns in your kills can be dangerous for everyone involved. That’s why if you _do_ kill, you should do it discreetly. There are only two possibilities that Minhyun can think of and neither of them are good: the first is that this vampire is new, arrogant and foolish. This vampire has a type that they like and only targets serving women to show their power over them. The other possibility is one that Minhyun is most worried about; this is being done deliberately. The clues are being laid out in the open in the hopes that someone might sniff them out and find them in a game of cat and mouse. Minhyun worries that this vampire is _trying_ to get some attention.

It’s summer but Minhyun doesn’t really feel the heat of it. His body always feels cold. Hot water from the shower rains on his back and pools at his feet. The steam that clouds the room almost mimics how his thoughts keep making his mind go blank, like white noise. He knows there’s more to it than what he can tell right now but he can’t seem to sort anything out. He can’t find his way through the static.

And then he hears it.

The sound of his front door opening and closing.

He turns the tap and quickly gets out of the shower, only managing to wear a pair of pants before going to the living room.

It’s quiet, but he knows someone is here. The lights in the room are turned off, perfect for concealing whoever it is in the shadows. But it doesn’t matter whether it’s dark or not, Minhyun can see perfectly fine. The sound of books from his shelf toppling over alarms him and he immediately turns to the source only to see that no one is there.

Someone is behind him, he knows it.

Minhyun bares his fangs before turning around and grips the trespasser by the neck, slamming her to the wall. “You know, it’s really stupid for you to try to sneak up on the oldest vampire in the world. I have a thousand years over you. That means I’m stronger, I’m faster-”

“But it didn’t make you any smarter.” She hisses at him, her teeth growing into fangs as she tries to escape his hold. “It’s not my fault you’re so easy to play around with,” she says. “Minhyun- _oppa._ ”

He smiles and loosens his grip. “What are you doing here, Minkyeung _-ah?_ And what was with the dramatics? You couldn’t just call?” He laughs.

“Well, you change your number, like, five times a year. Plus, when have I ever _called?_ I always just crash.” She lays herself down on the couch, head on one side, legs up propped on the armrest on the other. “Also, _oppa_ , can you please wear a shirt? The male body disgusts me.”

He sighs and does what he’s told. “You never answered my question though,” he says after returning to the room with a plain white shirt on. “What are you doing here?”

“Please, you know why I’m here,” she says and she’s right — Minhyun does know. 

He looks to the photographs on the wall that Jonghyun was just looking at not even a couple of hours ago. The one at the Han River is his favourite. He loves the way the picture turned out; he wore his best clothes, the lack of people makes the photo look scenic and the lighting during the sunset makes it seem so much more ethereal than it actually was. And it’s also the only one where Yaebin is smiling brightly. 

“I didn’t want you to be alone this time,” Minkyeung says quietly. She gets up from the couch and pulls him into a hug. They don’t normally _do_ hugs but this time, it feels like he needs it, it feels like _they_ need it.

“Thank you,” he says softly.

“You’re welcome.” She smiles before fishing out her phone from her pocket. “Plus, the acoustics in your apartment are great!”

_What?_

She pulls open an app that Minhyun, quite frankly, isn’t familiar with. And then she starts to do something really weird; she starts filming herself, seemingly talking to an audience. _Is she streaming? Is she making — what was it again? — vlogs?_

“Minkyeung- _ah,_ what are you doing?” he asks slowly. For some reason he feels like he’s disturbing an animal in her natural habitat. It’s made even worse when she turns around and glares at him.

“ _Oppa!_ You ruined it!” she yells. 

“Ruined what?”

“My _TikTok!_ ”

_Her what?_ “What are you talking about?” Minhyun doesn’t know why, but he’s suddenly terrified. _Is this code? What the hell does she mean?_

“God! I know you’re old but please get with the times, gramps.” She rolls her eyes. “It’s a video app. Like _Musical.ly_ or _Dubsmash_. Maybe even _Vine?_ No wait, that last one might not be a good comparison.” She taps a finger on her chin, deep in thought, as Minhyun continues to stare at her with furrowed eyebrows. “Anyway, I’ll have you know that I’m practically a celebrity on the vampire side of _TikTok_.”

“The _what_ side of _what?!_ ” Minhyun can’t believe his ears. Is Minkyeung blowing their cover like this? After years of being on the down low? On an app? Where she is apparently famous? He stares at her, completely horrified.

Minkyeung sees the look on his face and laughs. “Calm down! It’s just role playing.”

“But… you’re an actual vampire.” Minhyun frowns.

She scoffs, “Yeah but my fans don’t know that. They’re always asking me what contacts I’m using or where did I get my fangs. They’re so cute!” She giggles to herself before turning back to her phone. Her voice has a bite as she says, “Anyway, don’t you have some brooding to do? Your forehead keeps creasing.”

“But -”

“Ugh! Leave the room!” She yells again, clearly frustrated by his presence in her _TikTok_ video, and then turns around to do her sweetest smile and bats her eyelashes at him. “Please?”

Minhyun sighs. “Whatever.” And then he leaves, letting her do whatever it is she’s doing.

  
  


***

_“What’s your name?” Minhyun asks. The woman in front of him, though disheveled, is looking at him confused. She’s wondering why an aristocrat would even care for the well being of a lowborn. Even if she was attacked and left in the dirt to die. She’s pitiful._

_“Kang Yaebin, my lord,” she says quietly as if she’s afraid of offending him by answering._

_Minhyun smiles, “Kang Yaebin, what did those men do to you?”_

_He studies the way her pupils dilate at his question, and then she looks down, refusing to meet his eyes. He already knows what happened to her. He saw the lords leave on their horses from the woods, far from the path and the roads that had been carved out for travellers. It made no sense to Minhyun for them to disperse from such an obscure area, especially since they were not wearing any hunting gear, nor did they have weapons on them. The blood pumping in his veins only boils at the thought._

_She’s probably afraid of a slip of her tongue, for it could cost her hers. She must be thinking that the aristocrat in front of her might even be setting her up. She could get killed for this, a fate far worse than her assault. So she does what any smart girl in Joseon would do; she stays quiet._

_“Yaebin-ssi,” Minhyun tries again, softer this time. “Did they hurt you?”_

_She doesn’t answer but shakes her head. Biting her tongue, with tears streaming down her face, he can see that she’s hoping he would leave._

_“Yaebin-ssi…”_

_“No, my lord,” she answers. “No one hurt me.”_

_Minhyun raises an eyebrow, not believing an ounce of her words. “What if I said you could pay it back to them? Tenfold.”_

_Yaebin finally raises her eyes to meet his gaze. She opens her mouth and moves her lips but the voice coming out isn’t hers._

“Minhyun- _oppa._ ”

_Minhyun stares, eyes wide in terror as blood starts to trickle down her face from her mouth, her nose and her eyes. Blood is seeping through her jeogori, a wound clear on the left side of her chest. She is panting._

“Wake up.”

_The woman’s face contorts like she’s screaming for her life._

“Minhyun- _oppa!_ ”

He jolts awake in a pool of his own sweat. He looks up to see Minkyeung looking down at him with concern clearly laced in her eyes. He’s breathing heavily, he just realised. “What happened?”

Minkyeung frowns before sitting on the edge of his bed. “Well, I woke up because I heard you screaming. And when I came here you were shaking.” She pauses and then voice barely a whisper, she asks, “Did you have that dream again?”

“I… no, it was a different dream,” he says, trying his best to level his breaths.

“Don’t lie to me,” she says quietly. “I saw it.”

Minhyun sighs. Her being able to look into his dreams isn’t a good sign. He’s getting weaker. “Yes,” he finally says. “It was the same one. Like always.”

She looks away, frowning, before saying, “I get dreams like that, too. Especially around this time of the year.” Minhyun stares at her. It’s been years but they’re still like this. Then, she shakes her head and gets up, only to linger by the door. “I’m gonna get you breakfast,” she says as she leaves.

Minhyun stays back in his room, trying to collect himself from the dream he was having — no, more like _nightmare_ — before taking a deep breath and making his way to the kitchen. Minkyeung is there but her frown only deepens as she goes through the fridge. “What’s wrong?” he asks her.

“You really need to clean out your fridge,” she says, holding a blood bag. “The first thing you guys taught me was to not drink past the point of death because the blood becomes poison. Why do you have so many bags of dead blood in your fridge? Like, I know we have fridges but blood expires too, man.” She takes out the blood bags that have been there for more than a month. She continues to tell him off, voice slowly rising as she goes through his fridge, her back turned to him. “Are you _trying_ to kill yourself? What if you accidentally drink this and end up dead? What am I supposed to do?”

“Minkyeung _-ah_ …”

“And if you die, then I’m really going to be alone.”

“Kim Minkyeung.”

“You’re the only family I have left. He made sure of that.”

She finally faces him and there are tears in her eyes. She’s upset with him and rightfully so, he’s made a lot of mistakes.

“Why do you still have pictures of him up?” she asks him. “Don’t you hate him for what he did?”

“Of course I do,” he answers, voice quiet.

That doesn’t convince her one bit. “Then why is he there in your living room? Do you still care about him or something? Even after what he did to your best friend, to my -” she takes a deep breath. “I don’t understand why you would even have pictures of him there next to her. He - he’s fucking crazy and she -”

“I keep it up because they’re the only pictures I have of her,” he cuts her off. “I also keep them up to remind myself of the monster he is. ”

She doesn’t say anything at first and then she hands him a blood bag. “Here. This one isn’t expired,” she says, making her way to the living room. But then she stops in her tracks, her eyes wide in fear. The sun is about to rise. From the distance he can see it start to peep behind the buildings. The sky is painted pink from the early light, the tainted clouds almost looking like brush strokes across a canvas. The first of the rays of sunshine are making their way to his apartment window. 

The view is beautiful, and it fills Minkyeung with fear. 

She runs back to the kitchen and cowers behind Minhyun. He can feel that she is shaking.

“Can you please draw the curtains?” she asks him quietly.

“Of course I will.” He pats her head gently before going to do just that.

“Thank you,” she says when the room darkens again. “Though, it sucks that _not all of us_ can have a daylight ring.”

Minhyun laughs. “Do you know how hard it is to find a shaman these days?”

Minkyeung rolls her eyes. “What? I bet I could find one on _Craigslist._ But I can’t believe you never got yourself a backup ring,” she sighs, plopping herself on the couch beside him, blood bag in hand.

“I haven’t taken this ring off in a millennia. I didn’t need one.” 

“That sounds disgusting,” she says as she takes a sip from the bag. “Fuck! This _tastes_ disgusting! _Oppa,_ why do you rely on this shit to survive? It’s gross. Get someone to drink from instead.”

Minhyun sighs. “You know why I can’t.”

“Dude, I’m not asking you to kill someone. Just drink from a friend.” She rolls her eyes again.

“You have a friend you drink from?” He raises an eyebrow.

“Yes! Wonnie is my favourite juice box.” She smiles brightly, her eyes gleaming. “I, unlike you, don’t keep humans besides my therapist at arm’s length.”

Minhyun doesn’t say anything to that and instead focuses his attention on the TV.

***

They decide to leave the house right after sundown — Minkyeung saying that she can’t stand being in the same room as him without some fresh air anymore. They know where to go. They’ve been doing this almost every year for the past thirty-six years.

The streets are filled with people; the bustling of rush hour as they all try to get home, get to dinner, get to an appointment with a friend. There’s so much life around him, people living without a care in the world. The news of the week before is completely forgotten. But that’s what it’s like when you live in a city like this in the twenty-first century — people don’t care about the potential monsters living in the shadows, they will be sad for a few moments and think _‘w_ _ell, it’s not me’_ and move on. Moving on seems so easy when you’re a human, that’s one of the things Minhyun has noticed in his thousand years roaming the earth. Their lives are short, it’s not good to dwell on the past, so the only road they can go on is forward. But when for someone like Minhyun, remembering the past is all he has. He has chosen every single path on the road and it has hurt him each time. Every single thing that has happened in his life latches on to his thoughts like a plague, it’s a difficult illness to be free of. He can’t move on. He’s tried so hard but his regrets keep him shackled. And it scares Minhyun, but he’s convinced himself that his regrets are what also keep him steady.

When he first became a vampire, he thought it would be better if he disappeared.

He stood at the dawn, waiting for the sun to rise, his ring that he was told would protect him was left under the shade of the tree he found himself under the night before. He had ran away from his home, afraid of the monster that he had become and the thing that he had to do to become so. He remembers the way the blood on his hands were dried black, mixed with the dirt of the ground he had cried on. The sun was about to rise and he raised his hands in the air, defeated. There was no more reason to live. His desperation only caused the suffering of others. He wanted to turn into ash.

His fingers started to burn as soon as the first of the rays hit his fingers. It hurt so much, the crackling of the flames could be heard but he deserved it. That was the least he could do for what he had done. But just as the rays were starting to reach his forehead, in the back of his head, he heard a voice. It was familiar and gentle, even though the words were croaked out before life left the body.

_“You have to live. Even if I’m not there anymore, you have to.”_

His heart started to beat as thunderously as the storm the night before and he suddenly found himself under the tree again, ring in his hand. He stares at the ring, such a small thing was said to protect his life even if he didn’t want it anymore. He had half a mind to throw it in the lake before him but he just couldn’t do it. As his hands shook, he put the ring on and almost immediately regretted it. He didn’t deserve it but he had to continue living. He promised that he would.

So he took everything in — the sound of the water that rippled on the lake, the smell of the flowers that bloomed at his feet, the feel of the breeze that caressed his face, and even the shine of the sunlight that didn’t burn his eyes. Everything he ever felt was heightened to a degree that he couldn’t even comprehend. It was so overwhelming that it felt like his brain was about to explode. There was beauty in everything and yet, there was also a sense of underlying danger.

But he had to live with it.

He promised he would.

He promised the most important person in his life that he would live.

“Minhyun _-oppa_ ,” Minkyeung calls to him, snapping him out of his reverie. They’re at a small flower shop, near the banks of the Han River. Minhyun watches as Minkyeung picks out a few white lilies, chrysanthemums and carnations to form a wreath. It’s been so long but the process of it all is still surreal to him. “Do you think we need roses?”

He looks at the wreath in her hand. “I think it’s already beautiful.” 

Minkyeung smiles. “Of course it is, I’m the one who made it.”

They pay for the flowers and leave the store, making their way towards the river.

There are a lot of people here tonight — joggers, couples, people just going on walks. The summer heat is still present but the gentle wind that rustles the leaves in the trees is cooling. The lights of the city never really fails to amaze Minhyun, sometimes he forgets the darkness of the city he grew up in as a child, the only lights that could be seen were the stars that lit up the night sky and led him home whenever he found himself lost during one of his escapades. It almost calms Minhyun when he sees that now, there are more ways to be led home.

Almost. Because he also knows that as the lights shine brighter, the shadows only deepen and the monsters within them have only learned to be smarter.

They keep walking alongside the river, Minkyeung chattering about something that doesn’t really require his input so he stays silent and watches as her face lights up as she tells him the latest story of her adventures. He doesn’t really want to admit it, but he’s missed her a lot these past seven months. He just smiles and nods at the prompted times, he laughs when what she is saying is particularly ridiculous but totally believable in his book because it’s _her._

“- and then Wonnie said she ‘would like to see it’ so of course, I can’t back out from a challenge so I jumped off the building!” she says excitedly.

He laughs again. “You’ve done crazier things so this doesn’t surprise me in the slightest.”

“And then we put it on _TikTok_ , it’s gotten a lot of views since! Wait, let me show it to you.” She takes out her phone from her bag and this alarms him immediately.

“Yah. Are you sure it’s safe to be putting all that online? We’ve been keeping a low profile for such a long time and it’s stupid that our existence could be discovered because of an app,” he hisses.

“Relax! My viewers think I’m with an indie production company or something. It’s all cool.” She shrugs like this is the most normal thing in the world.

Minhyun sighs and sits down on a nearby bench, Minkyeung quickly follows suit. They sit in silence, taking in the scene in front of them. Seoul looks beautiful from this side of the river. They picked a quiet place to settle, too. He can hear everything around them, he can see everything so clearly. The night only heightened his senses, making him hyper aware of everything around him, including the buzz in his pocket that he knows is coming from his cellphone.

He stares at the screen on his phone.

There’s no caller ID. 

Normally, he would just let it go to a missed call but for some reason, instinct told him to pick it up this time so he does.

“Hello?” he says, voice even. But then, the familiar voice on the other end makes him freeze.

“Ah, Minhyun _-ah_. It’s me,” he says. “Jonghyun,” he adds after a short pause as if Minhyun wouldn’t immediately know. “You told me I could call you any time when you dropped me off and I said you could do the same but you never did so I…” his voice trails off.

Minkyeung can hear this entire conversation, Minhyun knows but he can’t do anything about it. She stares at him, raising her eyebrow while mouthing _‘who the fuck is that?’_ and all he does is wave her off in response.

“Yeah. Yeah, I remember that but you never gave me yours so I was just,” he tries to find the words, “waiting.” And he instantly cringes at himself. _God_ _, that was lame._

Minkyeung seems to agree too because she starts laughing at him.

“Oh. Okay, that makes sense.” Minhyun can imagine him nodding and he finds himself smiling at the thought. Something about Jonghyun’s voice is weird. Like he’s hearing two of them at the same time. He listens carefully to the background of Jonghyun’s call and hears the laughing of children and the footsteps of joggers as they pass him by. He’s about to ask when Jonghyun beats him to it. “By the way, who’s that girl with you?”

Minhyun stands up abruptly and looks around, phone still pressed to his ear. “Where are you?”

And then he hears it, something that calms him; Jonghyun’s laugh. “I’m right here.”

From the distance, he can see a hand raise itself above the crowd of people. The streetlamp behind it almost makes it look like it’s glowing. His eyes move downwards to the smiling face that gazes at him with those _eyes._ Those eyes that punch the air out of Minhyun’s lungs as soon as he makes contact with them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, i went on the vampire side of tiktok as part of my research. what i found there... i will not subject to anyone else...
> 
> special thanks to [candy_bong](https://archiveofourown.org/users/candy_bong) and [inpiniteu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/inpiniteu) for helping me and being great beta readers.
> 
> in light of what has happened recently, i hope we can all help spread the word, sign petitions and/or donate to the cause of #BlackLivesMatter. here is an easily layed out and frequently updated carrd that details everything: <https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/>
> 
> my fics are archived [@polarismp4](https://twitter.com/polarismp4).


	6. when canaries are silent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He is still looking at the ring on his finger when there is a sudden knock on the door.
> 
> It’s late at night and Jonghyun isn’t normally one who has guests often.
> 
> It’s odd.
> 
> Jonghyun gets up from the sofa, making his way to the entrance. He stops in front of the door and reaches his hand out to the doorknob, only to hesitate midway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: implied/internalised homophobia
> 
> yeah, this got way too fucking long... sorry...

Jonghyun has the words but he can’t seem to find the melody. Maybe his parents were right after all. 

It was spring but the cold of winter hadn’t thawed away yet. Rain was pouring heavily that day, almost as if a hammer was being banged on the roof of their house. The house that would have normally been lively turned claustrophobic at the conversation that they were having. The grip on that piece of paper was tight, almost as if it was more precious than their son himself.

“Music?” his father said, almost sneering as if even the very notion of it was ridiculous. “How will you support the family with that?”

“Honey, you don’t have to speak to him like that,” his mother hissed. And then, voice more forgiving, she turned to her son, “Jonghyun _-ah_ , what your father means is that that profession is,” she paused, her hands circled around as she tried to find the right word for it, “difficult. Yes, it’s difficult to get big in. You’d have to be very good -”

“But I am good,” Jonghyun piped up only for his father to let out a laugh.

“Enough of this nonsense already. It’s not stable,” his father said as he shook his head. “Do something stable, something normal. You’d do better in something like business. You have the grades for it.”

Jonghyun merely nodded, not wanting to press any further when he knew that he already lost.

It was the same kind of defeat he felt at the look of disgust on the face of the person he called his friend when he saw a picture in Jonghyun’s phone gallery. It was a picture of him and his then boyfriend — a senior whose face was thankfully covered, an identity that was miraculously hidden — they were in bed, doing something that was an act that was far from normal; they were kissing. His friend had grabbed his phone to look for the notes that he had taken pictures of during their lecture earlier in the day only to come face-to-face with the display of affection that was scandalous at best and outright disgusting at worst. Jonghyun watched as the hands on his phone gripped tighter and the face of his friend contorted in pure revulsion.

“Yah. Kim Jonghyun, what the fuck is this?” Jonghyun swore that he saw the spit flying out of the man’s mouth.

He ended up needing to escape, so he enlisted. But even the grueling and physically taxing training couldn’t make him forget. And then one night, on one of his free days the military granted him, he found himself at Hangang Bridge and he was strangely calmed. He managed to find a semblance of salvation there. It was like the Han River that flowed beneath his feet was washing away all of his doubts and fears. And then, he promised himself that he would avoid trouble as much as he could and lived life as normally as he could within the limitations that he had. 

As soon as his service ended, he dropped out of university and moved away from home. Life started to be smooth sailing after that. He found a job that he liked, and he was getting good at it. His parents had stopped trying to make him live according to their expectations.

It was nice and stable but he had always craved for something more and that dangerous thought was locked that away inside of him for security. He was happy.

And then he met Minhyun.

Jonghyun sets down the guitar he had been strumming — it’s an old guitar with hard and cold strings that he can’t really remember how he acquired but he plays it now and then whenever he feels stressed. He’s annoyed with himself; no matter how hard he tries, he really can’t seem to finish anything. He closes his eyes, picturing the man who had kissed him gently a couple of days ago. He feels himself smiling at the memory. He remembers how cold Minhyun’s lips felt against his own and he also remembers how he wondered if he would be able to warm them. But Minhyun hasn’t called him since and now Jonghyun wonders if the whole ordeal was a dream or not. He brings his hands to cover his face and instantly feels the cold of the ring on his cheek. He looks up to examine the ring again. It wasn’t a dream.

He is still looking at the ring on his finger when there is a sudden knock on the door.

It’s late at night and Jonghyun isn’t normally one who has guests often.

It’s odd.

Jonghyun gets up from his bed, making his way to the entrance. He stops in front of the door and reaches his hand out to the doorknob, only to hesitate midway.

The events that have occurred over the course of the past month makes him rethink opening the door. Especially after the warning Minhyun gave only a few days ago. After some more internal debate, he finally opens the door and sees the man that he had just been thinking about.

Minhyun.

As soon as Jonghyun sees him, he feels his heart ache. Minhyun stares at him with those same golden eyes Jonghyun saw the night they met — eyes that Jonghyun suspects means more than just a trick of the light. It alarms him for a split second but he ignores the warning bells in his head as he pulls Minhyun in and shuts the door behind them, pinning the man to the door before he leans in and presses his lips against Minhyun’s. The man responds almost immediately, wrapping his arms around him, their bodies flush against each other. Jonghyun prods open Minhyun’s mouth with his tongue and lets himself melt into the kiss as his hands find themselves gripping Minhyun’s hair.

It feels so hot and wet and it makes something inside Jonghyun unravel as they continue, hands trying to find skin, tongue dancing with tongue. It feels like he is being stripped bare of all of his being. No words are being spoken, the only sounds are of their quiet breaths and gasps. Minhyun’s lips make their way to Jonghyun’s neck, sucking and licking — there is an urgency in his movements, almost animalistic by nature, Jonghyun is almost reminded of the way he was bitten that night by his attacker but this is a different type of hunger.

Every rational thought in Jonghyun’s brain is telling him that they should not be doing this — after recalling that memory from college, there is suddenly a fear that they’re going to be found out if they continue, even behind closed doors — but those thoughts fly away when Minhyun starts to suck on a particularly sensitive spot, his grip in Minhyun’s hair only tightens with his chest.

“M- Minhyun,” he stutters. The man he addresses only hums in response. “We shouldn’t be doing this.” He feels that same shame he felt at being discovered slowly start to engulf his body and tries to push Minhyun away but there’s no strength nor desire to make him stop in his arms. Jonghyun just wants Minhyun to hold him closer, but the man in front of him pulls away anyway and stares at him with those eyes that make Jonghyun just want to ignore everything he just said and kiss him senseless again. And for the first time since they started this, Minhyun speaks.

“Say that again,” he whispers.

“We shouldn’t be doing this,” Jonghyun repeats, out of breath.

“No,” he starts, dark brown eyes gazing back intensely into Jonghyun’s. “Say my name.”

“Minhyun.”

Minhyun smiles and plants a soft kiss on Jonghyun’s lips before his eyes suddenly turn gold again. The man in front of him opens his mouth wide, baring his fangs and then bites into the spot on Jonghyun’s neck he had just been kissing. 

Jonghyun jolts awake in his bed at the sound of his alarm, hand grabbing his neck to feel nothing there. All of his wounds have already fully healed.

_Fuck._

He feels something pool in his stomach but he knows it’s not fear this time. He lifts his blanket only to groan at what he sees.

_Fuck._

***

It’s the afternoon and Jonghyun is at the break room like he usually is on a Wednesday. He’s eating lunch which consists of a sandwich he managed to make and pack before running out the door because he somehow managed to sleep through his alarm today. 

Again.

He sighs. He’s not one to be late but recently it keeps happening. He’s always been good at managing his time but there are worries that keep plaguing his mind. Jonghyun hears a _ping_ from his phone and quickly grabs it only to see that it was a message from his landlord about rent. He rolls his eyes. It’s not like he’s been waiting for something or anything. No, he’s not waiting at all.

But then something else on his phone catches his eye. The date on his lockscreen says that it’s the fifteenth of July. He has some place to be today.

Jonghyun is taking another bite from his sandwich when he hears the door open. He turns around and sees Minki entering the breakroom. Aaron isn’t here today because of a dental appointment so Minki is the one in charge, but if Jonghyun is being honest, Minki has _always_ been the one in charge. If not for his wit, then for his cunning. Minki is the type of person who never misses anything, which is why Jonghyun shouldn’t be surprised at the question that rolls off of the man’s tongue.

“What’s up with the ring?” Minki asks, taking a seat in front of Jonghyun.

It’s not smart to play dumb when it comes to his best friend but he does it anyway. “What?”

Minki pointedly nods at his finger. “That ugly ring on your finger. What’s up with it?”

In his opinion, the ring isn’t that ugly, more dated actually. The ring is simple; a thick jade band around his finger that is pretty heavy for its size and was uncomfortable to wear at first but he’s gotten used to it by now. It’s just chunky looking and severely out of fashion. Because of the nature of how the ring came to be his, Jonghyun was surprised that it ended up fitting him — his finger managed to slip right through it as if it had always been his but now that he thinks about how the ring is enchanted, it might not be because of the romantic thoughts of fate that were filling his head. It’s still a nice thought though, he’ll even let himself indulge in this for a few seconds longer. 

“I thought it looked,” Jonghyun pauses, “nice?”

“Well, I didn’t know I was best friends with an _ahjumma_.”

Jonghyun rolls his eyes. “It’s not that bad.”

“You’re right,” Minki nods. “It’s a crime against fashion.” 

There’s another _ping_ from Jonghyun’s phone that causes him to put his sandwich down and grab it quickly. He sighs when he sees that it’s nothing but one of those spam messages you get from ordering takeout. But this whole scene doesn’t go unnoticed by Minki.

“So,” he starts nonchalantly. “How was your date?”

And the words stumble out of Jonghyun before he could catch himself, “It was nice actually -”

And it was already too late.

_Fuck._

Minki squints. “Wait a minute,” he slams a fist to the table. “You went on a fucking date? And you did not have the _courtesy_ to inform me? _Me?_ Your best friend?”

“It was one date -”

“Yeah, and you never leave your house!” Minki crosses his arms and turns his nose to the ceiling. “I’m disappointed.”

Jonghyun sighs. “You’re being dramatic.”

“No, this reaction is _perfectly_ normal. It’s _you_ who’s acting weird. Since when do we keep secrets from each other?”

“I’m sorry. Really. But it’s not that big of a deal -”

But the mischievous glint in Minki’s eyes says otherwise. “Wait. So, the ugly ring? Is that…?”

Jonghyun’s silence answers the question because Minki claps his hands and throws his head back in laughter. Jonghyun can feel his face heat up at this, he must have turned a deep shade of red during the whole course of this conversation.

_This sucks. This_ is embarrassing.

Minki leans back on his chair. “When were you going to inform me that you’re _already_ in the ring gifting stage of your relationship? How many dates have you gone on? Like, I know you have years to make up for, Jonghyun, but…”

Jonghyun can feel his mouth drying as he answers. “That was… the first date…”

He watches as Minki’s eyes widen in shock. Suddenly, he feels guilty about it all.

“Dump his ass _right now._ ”

“I -”

“I’m serious, Jonghyun. That’s just creepy.” Minki closes his eyes and presses two fingers against his temple, seemingly having a headache caused by the man in front of him. “I can’t believe you finally go on a date and it’s with a weirdo who is possessive _and_ has terrible taste in jewelry.”

“Hey, you don’t even know him. He’s not that bad. If anything he’s been pretty nice to me so far.”

“Ha. ‘Nice’. That’s how the weirdos reel you in, Jonghyun- _ah_. If you keep going out with this guy, you’re going to find out about his dark secret, like living in his mom’s basement or something.” Minki sighs, and then, “Wait, how do you even know him in the first place?”

Jonghyun decides to ignore that last question and instead says, “He lives in a condo and drives a red _Lexus_.” He doesn’t know why but he feels the need to show Minhyun off even to people who don’t know him. He can’t let Minki talk shit about a guy he went on one date with. For some reason.

He sips on his drink, and watches Minki’s expression, baiting him to finally relent. But he doesn’t.

Minki purses his lips. “Is this guy your boyfriend or your _sugar daddy?_ ”

Jonghyun nearly chokes. “Yah. What the -”

“I’m serious!” He shrugs. “If it’s the latter then I get it. You gotta do what you gotta do, right?” Jonghyun just stares at him. No words. “Do you have a picture of him? I’m curious about what my best friend’s sugar daddy looks like.”

“First of all, he is _not_ my sugar daddy _or_ my boyfriend. And second of all, I don’t have any pictures of him.” Jonghyun pauses. “He doesn’t like getting his pictures taken,” he quickly lies.

Minki looks incredulous. “What? Is this dude a vampire of something? No pictures at all? No _Instagram?_ No embarrassing photos people tag you in on _Facebook?_ ”

Jonghyun swears a drop of sweat rolls down his back as he answers. “He doesn’t do social media.”

“‘He doesn’t do social media’,” he air quotes. “Sounds like a _hag_. How old is he anyway? He _has_ to be ancient.” Minki laughs, clearly having way too much fun for his own good.

“I’m done with this conversation.”

  
  


***

Jonghyun makes his way to the Han River. It’s pretty warm tonight as the peak of summer looms over them. There’s usually a lot of people here during this time of year which is why he shouldn’t have been so surprised seeing Minhyun there, too. But after a week of silence, he starts to wonder what’s going on between them.

Jonghyun is sure that Minhyun has been ignoring him again and he doesn’t really know how that should make him feel. He won’t say it hurts a little because it obviously doesn’t.

But Minhyun quickly reassures him that that wasn’t the case either and Jonghyun does feel better but only for a moment because now he’s feeling nervous at the staredown he’s receiving from the woman who had been accompanying Minhyun. 

She’s tall — only about an inch shorter than himself — and slender like a model. She even has the face of a model, too — with eyes that are dark and piercing, with a strong nose, with lips that are only slightly plump. Her black hair that frames her face in bangs reaches her shoulders in small waves. She watches him curiously, expectantly, like she’s waiting for Jonghyun to grow a second head.

“ _Oppa_ ,” the woman says as she turns to look up to Minhyun, “Who is he?”

Jonghyun takes note of the familiar speech, the confused expression on her face, the tight grip she has on Minhyun’s jacket.

_They must be close_ , he concludes.

“Minkyeung _-ah_ , this is Kim Jonghyun. He’s-”

“A friend of Minhyun’s,” Jonghyun quickly says before smiling at her politely. He refuses to look at Minhyun in the face. After they ended the call and Minhyun came up to him, Jonghyun felt too embarrassed to even look at him in the eye. After having _that_ dream, he couldn’t stop thinking about him; how his lips that look as soft and plump as they ever did would feel against his again, how his hands that must be as cold as they were the same night Minhyun held his face would burn his flesh. But he also remembers how those yellow eyes of a night dwelling predator looked at him in the dream and he wonders if Minhyun digging his teeth into his neck would feel any different from that man if he had let him.

_That’s fucked up_ , he realises.

There’s a desire that he accepts that he has for Minhyun. But with that desire, he also feels shame and worry. He wonders if the man feels the same way about him. What kind of desire does Minhyun feel? He’s not really afraid of Minhyun anymore but he knows that there is a darkness inside of him that Jonghyun hasn’t seen since he had been saved. He’s not sure if he ever wants to see it either. Those cold golden eyes that stared at him in what Jonghyun could only make out as _hunger_.

And because he decides to look anywhere _but_ Minhyun, Jonghyun misses the flash of hurt on the man’s face. Minhyun quickly collects himself to smile at the woman he called Minkyeung.

“Yeah, he’s my friend,” Minhyun nods. 

“Jonghyun, this is Kim Minkyeung. She’s…” He pauses. And then he turns to Minkyeung and in a low voice, faux whispers, “Wait, what did we agree you were again?”

She immediately plays along. “Adoptive sister?” Minkyeung tilts her head. “Wait. That was twenty years ago.”

“My cousin?” Minhyun suggests.

But the woman merely shakes her head. “No, it wasn’t that.”

They continue this back and forth, almost like they forgot that Jonghyun is standing right in front of them. Their hushed argument would sound slightly deranged to a passerby, he realises.

“House crasher?”

“Haha. Funny.” Minkyeung turns to Jonghyun. “I’m his platonic _sugar baby._ ”

“Yah!” Minhyun furrows his brows, clearly annoyed at his friend. He sighs and turns to Jonghyun to explain. “Sorry, she’s normally this annoying.”

Minkyeung pouts. “Isn’t the phrase ‘she’s _not_ normally this annoying’?”

“Yes, but I can’t lie to him.”

Jonghyun bursts into laughter at their entire exchange. Half due to them being ridiculous and nonchalant about this, and the other half of the reason is to conceal the fact that his face is starting to heat up at Minhyun saying that _he can’t lie to him._

Is he supposed to take those words at face value? Or is he thinking too deeply about it?

“If it’s any saving grace, I’ll pretend that I believe whatever you are.” Jonghyun smiles at them and gets one from Minkyeung in return.

She does a once over again and then says, “We were on our way to somewhere. It’s not that far from here, actually. Do you wanna come with?”

Minhyun stares at her with wide eyes and then turns to him. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” he says quickly.

“Do you want me to come?” Jonghyun quirks an eyebrow in question.

“Um,” he starts. “You can.” The corners of his lips turning upwards weakly, as if unsure of his own words as he says them.

Jonghyun frowns. Minhyun just said that he can’t lie to him but now looks nervous at the mere thought of Jonghyun being wherever it is they’re going. He guesses that answers his musings. It doesn’t make him any less upset though.

“I think I’d be intruding -” he starts before an arm loops around his own. He’s shocked at the sudden contact but Minkyeung refuses to let him go and grins at him widely.

“Nonsense!” She grins. “You’re coming with us whether you like it or not, Kim Jonghyun _-ssi_ .” She turns to Minhyun, a mischievous glint in her eyes. “Right, _oppa?_ ” 

Minhyun eyes the way her arm holds Jonghyun and squints even more when she tightens her grip. She stares at him, challenging him to say something against _her_ wishes. This might be a regular occurrence because he relents and sighs. “Fine.”

“Awesome.”

They walk further along the river, Minhyun leading the way in front of them while Minkyeung still has her arm locked around his, not letting him escape. It’s not like Jonghyun is planning to anyway. Because they ended up at the banks right beneath Hangang Bridge. He’s always loved it here.

Once they arrive, Minkyeung finally lets go of his arm and goes to whisper something in Minhyun’s ear. He watches at how Minhyun just naturally lowers his head so that Minkyeung can say whatever it is she’s saying without having to tiptoe. Jonghyun thought they were close emotionally earlier, seeing as how their conversations flowed without a bump in the road but now he sees how comfortable they are physically with each other. It makes no sense for Jonghyun to feel a little annoyed seeing as how they called each other siblings but he can’t help but wonder now.

Are they real siblings? Can vampires even have siblings? They have similar sounding names, and they kind of look similar. Are they related in any way? How old are they?

Minkyeung must have said something that outrageous because Minhyun pulls back with an annoyed look on his face.

“What?” he asks. “Seriously? Now?”

“Please?” she draws it out and he sighs again in defeat.

“Fine,” he huffs. “I’ll be right back.”

And then he leaves the two of them there alone with each other.

If Jonghyun wasn’t made nervous by Minkyeung’s presence before then he is definitely nervous now. The woman stares at him again, the same curious look he gave him earlier when she asked Minhyun who he was. But this time it’s different, her lips quirk into a smirk. “I know you’re lying,” she says.

“What?” he asks lamely. He suddenly feels guilty and he doesn’t even know why yet.

“About you being Minhyun _-oppa’s_ ‘friend’,” she air quotes. “Doesn’t seem like simple friendship to me if he gave you that ring.”

Jonghyun looks down at the ring that occupies his finger, an identical ring to the one that Minhyun is never seen without. For some reason, it makes him shy that she pointed it out. He can feel his face start to heat up but he needs to act as normal as possible for his own pride and sanity.

“Oh, he just wants me to be safe,” he says in his best cheery tone. “I’m sure he’s given his other human friends the same thing.”

“Hm. No,” she says, a sense of finality in her voice. Then she raises her eyes, staring back at him blankly. “That’s the only one.”

He feels his mouth start to dry. “We’re just friends.” 

“Does Minhyun- _oppa_ know that?” she asks, her tone accusing. “He seemed pretty hurt when you said that earlier.”

_He was?_

Jonghyun must’ve said that out loud because she answers him.

“Yeah, he was. In fact, he’s being all bitchy right now because he’s upset.” She takes a step closer to him. “What’s your deal anyway?” Another step. “He seemed like he was in a good mood when you called and now he’s being a nervous wreck. In a non-funny, bad way, too.” 

“I- I don’t think I need to explain our relationship to you,” he says nervously.

“Okay.” She’s only a couple of steps away from him now. The streetlamp here is dim, the only light coming from the bridge above them. It casts harsh shadows on Minkyeung’s face, almost making her out to be the sort of creature of the night Minhyun whispered to him about that night. “Just know that Minhyun- _oppa_ isn’t the type to get revenge,” she pauses. “But I’m not above it.”

A shiver runs down his body. He suddenly remembers how Minhyun ripped his attacker’s head from his body. Jonghyun knows how violent Minhyun can get and he’s not sure how dangerous Minkyeung can be but he’s not looking forward to finding it out. “Are you threatening me?”

“No, I’m just telling you.” She smiles at him, completely devoid of the earlier friendliness she had when Minhyun was here.

It makes him wonder.

So, he asks before he could catch his tongue.

“You’re a vampire, right? Why?” 

Minkyeung raises an eyebrow at the sudden question. “Well, it was a _choice._ ”

“A choice? Then-”

“To answer your question,” she cuts him off. “I fell in love.”

“Are you,” he gulps. “Are you in love with Minhyun?”

And then she throws her head back in laughter. Wiping away her tears, she says, “Dude, what the fuck? That’s the funniest thing you’ve said all night.”

“Well-”

“First of all,” she starts. “I am a lesbian.” She says this slowly, like she’s spelling it out to a child. “Even if I _wasn’t_ exclusively into women, Minhyun- _oppa_ isn’t my type. Meaning, stupid is not my type.”

“Oh.” He has thoroughly embarrassed himself now. “I’m sorry, you guys just seemed close so I wondered.”

“Wait a minute.” She squints. “Are you saying that _that_ whole spiel was because you were worried that I’m dating my brother figure. Please, I will vomit.”

“No!” he says a little too quickly. “It’s not because of that. I just don’t want to assume anything. I mean, the only time I was truly scared was the night we met but now, there’s a million different worries going through my mind. And I don’t know if it’s too early to talk about something that hasn’t started yet.”

“It’s never too early to have a conversation about what you want, you know.” Minkyeung lets out a breath. “For the record, if you’re all in a tizzy because of this, chances are it’s already started.”

Jonghyun stays silent.

“You’re not an asshole, just an idiot,” she says. “Definitely Minhyun- _oppa’s_ type.” 

She turns towards the river, her hands grip the railing at the banks. “You two figure it out by yourselves. But I’m serious, if you hurt his feelings, I’ll come for you,” she threatens, this time however, there is no bite in her voice.

Jonghyun laughs before he joins. They watch as the river flows in front of them, moving on and washing away everything in its path. His head still itches with a question though.

“You said that you fell in love with someone,” Jonghyun whispers. “Who was she?”

Even in the darkness, Jonghyun can see the way Minkyeung’s face darkens. “Yaebin,” she says, voice wistful. “If Minhyun- _oppa_ gave you that ring, then you’ve probably been to his apartment. That picture of him and the woman _here._ ” Jonghyun realises that she literally means _here_. This is the exact same spot as they were at in the picture. “I met them here. I was just a normal college student studying psychology. It was love at first sight for me. For _us_ , I’m sure. I’m pretty sure that’s the only picture he has of her where she’s smiling.” She chuckles. “I was willing to do anything to be with her. Even if it meant becoming this. Yaebin was the love of my life.”

“ _Was?_ ” The question is about to leave his tongue when Minhyun calls out to them.

Minkyeung asked him to buy beer apparently because he came back with a plastic bag filled with cans. He passes one to her, frowning.

“You guys didn’t fight, right?” he asks, to which Minkyeung innocently shakes her head before cracking it open. Minhyun rolls his eyes and turns to Jonghyun instead, “She didn’t say anything weird, did she?”

He looks worried, no, nervous more like. Jonghyun hasn’t really seen Minhyun act like this before. It’s cute and it makes Jonghyun stifle a laugh.

“No, you’re good,” he smiles at him warmly. “So, stop frowning so much, you’re going to end up with wrinkles if you keep doing that.”

“That’s not possible.” And for the first time the entire night, Minhyun smiles at him back with that warmth Jonghyun knows he’s capable of. A smile that reaches his eyes and fills Jonghyun with a sense of relief.

It’s like he can finally exhale.

“Okay, lovebirds,” Minkyeung says. “Let’s do this.” She takes the wreath she had put aside on a bench earlier and only then does Jonghyun realise the flower arrangement on it — the white carnations, lilies and chrysanthemums — they spell out one thing to him: funeral.

He watches as she sets it upright, leaning it against the railing as Minhyun lights some candle and sets them around it. When he’s done, Minhyun then places a photograph in the centre, the very same one Jonghyun saw in his living room not a week ago. 

Yaebin.

Now the whole display looks like a makeshift vigil. Jonghyun wonders if he’s even meant to see all of this. He watches as both Minhyun and Minkyeung clasp their hands together, their heads bowed down in prayer. It surprises him to see vampires praying. So, Jonghyun follows suit out of respect. He doesn’t really believe in god, but he prays Yaebin’s soul is at peace wherever she is. He hopes she knows that she has made an impact in people’s lives and that there are people who love her dearly.

Once they’re done, Minhyun takes the photograph and tucks it into the pocket of his jacket before he grabs the wreath and sets it on fire with the candles. He then drops it into the river, letting the flowers be carried away by the currents as life moves on.

Jonghyun doesn’t really know what to do, so he does the only thing he can. He slowly reaches out and holds Minhyun’s hand, interlocking their fingers before giving it a light squeeze. Minhyun, who had been staring at where they had joined, raises his eyes to meet the gaze of the man in front of him. His eyes intense and filled with something Jonghyun can only call ‘sadness’. Minhyun smiles a small smile and squeezes Jonghyun’s hand back.

“Minhyun- _ah,_ ” Jonghyun whispers. “Can I ask you something?”

Minhyun nods.

“What happened to her?”

Jonghyun sees the way Minhyun’s jaw clenches at the question. He’s about to apologise when Minhyun answers. “She was murdered by a monster,” his voice, a harsh whisper.

“It was a vampire,” Minkyeung says, her voice turned cold. “Ong Seongwu.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND THE PLOT THICKENS
> 
> yeah... i went fucking bonkers on this chapter. the length.. insanity. it's the kind of chapter that was written and rewritten so many times. thank you [candy_bong](https://archiveofourown.org/users/candy_bong) and [inpiniteu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/inpiniteu) for easing the madness.
> 
> let's hope the rest of the story doesnt go downhill from here


	7. fears of old and new

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two incense sticks burn in the corner of the room, clouding the small space in a sweet aroma. The fumes would have made Minhyun dizzy if he were a human, but he finds that it makes his next meal more enticing. There’s something particularly alluring about inhaling the smoke that would cloud his lungs as he digs his teeth into the man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> glossary:
> 
> jeogori - the outer jacket of the top part of a hanbok  
> goreum - the ribbon on the jeogori  
> chima - the skirt of a hanbok  
> orabeoni - the archaic version of oppa

Minhyun feels it — that small ember of worry that he kept buried inside of himself for years but now it’s threatening to engulf him in flames. He hasn’t heard from that vampire in thirty-six years and he has given up in trying to look for him for half of that. But in hindsight, Minhyun should have known. It was obvious. It was so obvious that now he feels the most foolish he has in decades.

“Jonghyun.” He forcefully lets go of the hand he was holding, yanking his own away, almost like he’s casting the human aside. “You have to go,” he keeps his voice as even as he can manage.

Jonghyun stares at him, eyes wide in shock at the ice in his voice. “I- I don’t understand,” he manages to stammer. “Please, tell me what’s wrong.”

From behind Jonghyun, Minhyun can see Minkyeung look at him with the same confusion, the same puzzled expression. But he can’t explain this now — not here — especially not when the neurons in his brain are firing faster than his tongue can even hope to speak. He really just might catch on fire now, the anger boils the blood flowing in his veins. Where he would normally feel cold, he feels so hot with rage that it’s about to spill.

He has to get back home.

He has to get far away from Jonghyun as fast as he can.

_“Do you promise to stay by my side forever?” the dead prince whispers._

_“Yes,” the man replies, eyes shaking in fear. “I will never leave your side, Jeonha.” He looks behind the prince where a body lays, face turned to the ground, slowly draining of blood, completely still and unmoving._

_The prince brings his hands to either side of the man’s face and smiles, blood dripping from his mouth. “That’s good.”_

Minhyun shakes his head. “You have to go,” he says again, not answering the question.

“Can’t you tell me why?” Jonghyun asks, his eyebrows furrowed. 

“No,” he replies. “I can’t.”

He can’t let Jonghyun be involved in this. It’s too dangerous, too risky. And now that he’s almost certain that it’s _him_ , Minhyun can’t think of any other solution. He has to be _cruel_.

Jonghyun still tries to search his eyes, trying to look for answers but Minhyun makes sure that he can’t find any. He makes his face as cold and stiff as he can as he stares back at the man in front of him, challenging him to let it go. This reminds him of that encounter they had a month ago, in the dark alleys of Jonghyun’s workplace, and he tried hard to mask whatever hunger and shock he felt then, too. It was all for Jonghyun’s safety.

But just like back then, he should have known. Jonghyun is going to ask again and it makes anxiety start to build in his chest too. Minhyun watches as the man starts to open his mouth so he cuts him off before he can say anything. If Jonghyun won’t let it go then he has to. So he does.

“Minkyeung- _ah_ , let’s go,” Minhyun says, face unreadable. 

“ _Oppa_ , what’s going -”

“Kim Minkeyung!” he booms. “Let’s go.”

She stares at him, eyes glassy, shocked at his sudden outburst. It’s uncharacteristic of him. He rarely raises his voice with her. Even if he was angry with her, he would hardly ever show it to that extent — he had always valued her feelings. But this time, he has to hurt them.

“I won’t repeat myself again.” There is a complete lack of affection in his voice as he warns her and he can see that she’s terrified of this sudden change.

“Okay,” she murmurs in a small voice, almost too quiet. It’s a voice that she made sure only Minhyun can hear.

She walks towards him, head bowed down, and he turns to walk away from the bridge with her but he stops in his tracks. Someone had caught his hand.

“Minhyun- _ah_ ,” Jonghyun pleads. “I don’t understand. What’s going on? Why can’t you tell me?” Jonghyun’s grip on his hand tightens, warm fingers ensnaring, nails digging into his skin. He’s reminded of those same nails that dug into his hands when Jonghyun begged him to let him remember this time.

Minhyun eyes the hand that is wrapped around his own. The tight grip doesn’t hurt but he feels his heart tremble. He might lose his resolve if he doesn’t leave soon. He carefully takes it off before meeting Jonghyun’s gaze. “There’s nothing to explain. Go home, Jonghyun.”

“Minhyun- _ah_ ,” he says, his voice is quivering. Minhyun can tell that he’s trying his best to stay steady. “You’re scaring me.”

“Then that’s a good thing.”

“Why are you acting like this? You’re trying to hurt me.” His eyes continue to search for nothing. “This isn’t you.”

Minhyun sucks in a breath. “Kim Jonghyun- _ssi_ , you don’t know me.”

And then he wills himself to disappear from the scene, just like how he did that night.

  
  
  


They arrive back in his apartment with Minhyun slamming the door behind him. He quickly takes off his shoes and leaves Minkyeung at the entrance and instead high tails to his study, not uttering a single word. He feels like his brain is about to explode.

He can’t believe how stupid he had been.

He can’t fucking believe it.

The room is lined with bookcases from the floor to the ceiling. Books and scrolls, some older than he is, some written in foreign languages are stacked one on top of the other on the floor. A desk sits at the back of the room, a single lamp placed on top of it, dimly lighting the room in a fragile glow.

Minhyun doesn’t bother turning on the rest of the lights before he heads straight to one of the book cases tucked in the corner. It’s filled to the brim with classics, all first edition books that he spent collecting for more than a century. Some of his favourites — _The Picture of Dorian Gray, Kokoro, A Piece of the Moon_ — decorate the top shelf. He stares at his collection for half a second.

And then he throws them all to the floor. 

He litters the carpet with novels, all forgotten and meaningless, before he carefully takes off each of the shelving until all that’s left is the hallowed shell of the bookcase. Straightening up, he feels the edges of the back of the bookcase for the small crack he knows is there. It’s only big enough for one of his fingers to slip through but it’s enough to pull the pull apart the slab of wood, lift it off from the case and throw it to the ground as well.

He finally finds what he’s been looking for.

Minhyun hasn’t opened this bookcase in almost twenty years, so everything in the compartment is virtually untouched. Inside is a large map that is pinned with old newspaper clippings — some going back as far back as the fifties — all containing stories of violent murders where victims are drained of blood, where their limbs are ripped apart, where they are all cold cases. Minhyun was looking for the familiar patterns when he first made an effort to track _him_ down. Of course he would know when it’s _his_ doing, Minhyun is the one who taught him everything.

Minhyun presses down the bridge of his nose with his two fingers. He should have known.

_I’m being toyed with._

He skims through the articles and sees exactly what he knew he would find: messy kills, drained bodies, wounds like an animal bite, all in public spaces. Normally when you feed, you do it in secret; in the dark spaces of alleyways or the secluded areas of the countryside at night. Normally, the blood can be sucked until the edge of death, but in those cases, the victim dies shortly after from the bloodloss anyway. Minhyun would always say to stop right before the blood becomes poison. But these bodies are completely drained.

Ever since _he_ was a newborn, he always had difficulty _stopping._ If not because of the bloodlust, then for his pride. And each time this happened, Minhyun would have to get him a new kill to heal him from the poison, before forcing off the victim and compelling them to forget. 

Everything becomes heightened when you’re a vampire.

The pride.

The lust.

The _hunger._

Minhyun thinks back to the three women that were murdered so closely in frame with one another. He tries to rack his mind on what could possibly be the link. That vampire had gone quiet for a long time which is what prompted Minhyun to end his investigation. But he came back again, so he must have a message.

And then he remembers.

_Kang Dami._

_Song Yeeun._

_Lee Hyebin._

He’s playing a sick and twisted game. He’s spelling out a name: Kang Yaebin.

  
  


***

_Two incense sticks burn in the corner of the room, clouding the small space in a sweet aroma. The fumes would have made Minhyun dizzy if he were a human, but he finds that it makes his next meal more enticing. There’s something particularly alluring about inhaling the smoke that would cloud his lungs as he digs his teeth into the man._

_He kisses the lord in front of him softly and inwardly curses at the way the man’s beard pricks his face. Minhyun decides that he hates old unshaven men but he hates this one in particular._

_“You are the most beautiful man I have ever seen,” the lord grunts and Minhyun presses the space between his legs with his knee._

_He laughs. “Of course I am,” he whispers before he sits in the man’s lap to kiss him again, this time harder._

_He sucks on the lord’s bottom lip and then bites it._

_“Why are you so rough?” the man sighs._

_“I like it.”_

_And then he bites into the lip, hard, until it bleeds._

_“Ouch!” the man jumps. “That hurts.”_

_Minhyun playfully frowns. “I’m sorry,” he says quietly, pouting. “I’ll make it better,” before gently sucking on the lord’s lips, drinking the small drops of blood. He smiles into the kiss. It’s funny to him how the lord has yet to realise that he doesn’t have that much longer to live._

_The young man quickly unties the_ goreum _of his_ jeogori, _and does the same to the lord in front of him, helping to shed the article of clothing to expose the old man’s skin. There is an odour coming from his body. The stench is so foul but Minhyun ignores it for now. He has to put up with it for the instant pleasures. It won’t be long until he’s dead anyway._

_He moves his lips to the man’s neck, sucking and licking as his arms wrap around him tightly._

_“You must like using your mouth,” the lord says, hands gripping Minhyun’s head making him wince._

_Annoyed, he replies. “I do, my lord,” Minhyun whispers, before he finally bares his fangs and digs deep into the man’s neck._

_The man falls backwards, convulsing as his body starts to drain of life, but Minhyun continues to drink the warm blood. The man tries to scream but his mouth is quickly covered by a hand that holds him there tightly to the point where he can hardly breathe. Minhyun smiles as he continues to lap the blood_ — _it’s not the most delicious blood he’s tasted but it will do, it makes him feel alive. He drinks in all the while listening to the beating of the man’s heart in his chest._

_It’s getting weaker and weaker. And right before it stops, Minhyun does too._

_He lets go of the lord’s mouth and stands up, moving to the basin of clean water in the corner to wash his face and chest, completely ignoring the lifeless body he had just been whispering sweet nothings to. He sees the mess of himself in the mirror and frowns._

That stupid old man really pulled at my hair.

_He looks outside the window; it’s nearing dawn. He should leave soon._

_He gets dressed and quietly leaves the grounds of the house. He is only a few feet away when he hears screams coming from inside, telling him the servants discovered the lord in a pool of his own blood. Minhyun smiles to himself._

Another useless man, dead.

_And then he hears a voice calling him._

_“Orabeoni!”_

_He knows who it is. He turns around and sees Yaebin running towards him, lifting her_ chima _as she does it, hair disheveled like she had been looking for him everywhere all night. Was she running through the woods to find him? He thinks to himself that he will have to braid her hair again._

_“Yaebin-ah, what are you doing here?” he asks her, lifting an eyebrow._

_But she replies with questions of her own. “Did you really do it? Did you kill him?”_

_He frowns at the accusing tone of her voice but nods anyway. “He had to die.”_

_“Why?” her voice pleading for answers._

_Minhyun’s frown only deepens when he sees the look in those eyes._

_“Because he hurt you.”_

_“I didn’t ask you to do it,” she says, her voice raising with every syllable. “Orabeoni, that was cruel. He had a wife and a son -”_

_“And yet he spends his time harassing women and bedding other men,” Minhyun scoffs. “Don’t make me laugh, Kang Yaebin. What I did wasn’t even cruel enough for his crimes.”_

_She holds his gaze with teary eyes, refusing to back down. “You’re right. He_ is _terrible. But next time, ask me if you are going to dispose of men who were cruel to me. Let me choose my own victims so that when they die, other victims wouldn’t be meaninglessly created. Please, orabeoni.”_

_Minhyun takes in her words before nodding. She sighs in relief._

_“Come now,” he says, softly. “The sun is about to rise. We should go home.”_

_He starts to walk away but he hears nothing behind him, no footsteps, no breathing. “Yaebin-ah, are you coming?” he asks but there is no response._

_Minhyun turns around to see that there is no one here but him. “Yaebin-ah?”_

_There is no one around._

_He starts to panic._

_“Kang Yaebin!” he yells._

_Nothing._

_Minhyun feels that fear start to manifest itself within him again. Slowly but surely, it cripples his being, he can’t seem to move his body. He closes his eyes and feels the flashes of anger he felt when he saw that newborn feeding. That kind of paralysing shock when he saw who it was that was being made a meal. He hasn’t felt that fear in a long time. Not since -_

_“Jonghyun!” he screams._

_But there is still no response._

_He’s completely alone._

_His eyes start to prick, his body starts to shake and then -_

_“Minhyun-oppa?” a voice says._

_He whips around to see Minkyeung behind him. At least, he thinks it’s her. She’s dressed in traditional hanbok, her hair kept in a long braid. She’s staring at him with concerned eyes._

Oh.

It’s definitely her.

_“Yes, it’s me,” she whispers._

_She walks towards him slowly, as if afraid that he would crumble at her every step. She then pulls him into a hug, long and loving._

_“You need to wake up, Minhyun-oppa,” she says into his neck. It’s only then that he realises that her voice is shaking. He wraps his arms around her too. “I can only help you if you’re awake.”_

_“Okay.”_

Minhyun opens his eyes.

He’s sweating again. He turns to his side and sees Minkyeung sitting on the floor beside him, her head bowed down, her eyes closed, her hand gripping his tightly. He can’t help but think that something about this is eerily familiar. He sighs.

“Minkyeung- _ah_ ,” he says softly. He cards a hand through her hair as she lifts her head at his voice. Now he can see that she has tears in her eyes. “Why are you crying?”

“You were in so much pain.”

He doesn’t say anything so she continues.

“I’ve never seen you like that before.”

“Like what?”

She meets his gaze. “ _Oppa,_ you were killing people for fun. Y- you were enjoying it the whole time and then you left like nothing happened. There were screams coming from the house when you walked away. But you were smiling. You were a different person.”

He takes away his hand from hers and buries his face in both his hands. _Shit._

In a low voice, he says, “I’m not like that anymore -”

“- And the worst part is that you were so hurt.”

He takes a deep breath before he lifts his head. “What are you talking about?”

“When Yaebin came running to you and got mad at you, she didn’t do it for the sake of that man. The other victim she was talking about…” She pauses and then the realisation hits her. “You knew. You knew that she was talking about you. Why do you keep punishing yourself?”

Minhyun finds a laugh escaping his lips but there is nothing funny. “Stop talking,” he warns.

But Minkyeung ignores him. “For as long as I’ve known you, you’ve always hated hurting people, even if they deserved it. But you enjoyed it so much back then. Not in the kill. You liked it because you were hurting yourself, too.”

“Minkyeung,” he says, voice dark. “Be quiet -”

“Just how much more pain can you inflict on yourself?”

“Kim Minkyeung!” he finally raises his voice. “Stop it! Stop talking about it. None of that is true.”

She stares at him. “Then why are you crying, _oppa?_ ”

Belatedly, he realises that his face is wet with tears. He quickly wipes them off with the back of his hand, trying his best to be as nonchalant about it as possible. He’s tired. He can’t deal with this right now. “It’s nothing,” he says. “In any case, get out of my head.”

“You,” she starts before pausing, as if trying to find the best words to comfort him. “You can always talk to me about it. I’m here.”

“You weren’t back then. For a while, too. I was alone.” 

She freezes. “I had to escape. It was suffocating here -”

“Around me?” 

“I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to be.” He gives her a small smile. “It’s in the past.”

Minkyeung sees through his bullshit. “Then, why did you bring it up? If you’re still upset about it then say it, damn it! You can be such a manipulative asshole sometimes. And another thing, stop being so damn secretive all the time. You keep everything bottled up and then push people away! Believe it or not, the average normal person doesn’t understand _why_ you blow up if you don’t tell them. Do you think Jonghyun deserved whatever the hell that was you pulled on him?”

“This isn’t about Jonghyun -”

“Yes, it is! If it weren’t you wouldn’t have called his name. You - you weren’t the same as soon as you realised you were alone. And the first name you called out after Yaebin was Jonghyun. _Oppa_ , I’m begging you. Please, tell me what’s going on.” 

Minhyun stays quiet for a while. And then he sighs. “He’s playing with me.”

“Who? Jonghyun?” she asks, eyebrow raised.

“No,” he shakes his head. “Seongwu.”

Minkyeung instantly tenses up at the name. He watches how she shuts her eyes tightly before opening them up again, jaw clenched. “What the hell do you mean?” she asks him cautiously. She’s not going to like the answer, they both know it.

“Before you came back, there were murders around Seoul.” He watches her expression before continuing. “All women. All in their twenties. All drained of blood. And that wasn’t that suspicious until the reports said all of them had animal bites. But even then I couldn’t possibly say with certainty that it was _him_. He’s been gone for years. I haven’t been able to track him in almost twenty years. But I just couldn’t shake it. Until…”

“Until?”

“Until I realised that he was spelling out a name with his victims. He was spelling out Kang Yaebin.”

She’s quiet for a while, frowning, taking in all the information he’s giving her. And then she finally speaks. “You have to tell Jonghyun.”

“What?”

“If whatever you’re saying is true, then you know the kind of danger that puts him in.” She stands up. She’s about to step out the door when Minhyun speaks.

“You’re upset,” he says, voice even. It isn’t a question, it’s a statement.

“It’d be weirder if I wasn’t,” she scoffs. “I just need some air.”

“Are you mad at me?”

Minkyeung sighs. “I am, but I’ll get over it.”

And then she leaves the room, leaving him behind again. Alone with his thoughts, he finally gives in to the guilt, the sound of shattering glass ringing in his ear.  
  


* * *

Jonghyun ends up having to lock up again tonight. Some sick, twisted joke by the universe to get him even more annoyed than he already was. It wasn’t like he was late today, and it’s not even his turn to do it, and yet, here he is, at the alleyway behind the restaurant locking up just like he did back then. He can’t say he’s not scared of doing this after what happened but he has to live as normally as he can.

He puts the key into the lock and sighs. Ever since Minhyun’s random outburst two days ago, Jonghyun has been trying to understand but he can’t. It was weird and all Jonghyun can feel now is anger. He’s angry at Minhyun for not trying to explain, he’s angry at himself for embarrassingly begging him to but most of all, he’s angry that Minhyun lied to him.

All that talk about not being able to lie, just to have it blown up in his face.

“Stupid Hwang Minhyun,” he mutters under his breath.

“I probably deserve that.”

Jonghyun whips around and sees that very man in front of him. The light behind Minhyun only darkens his face but Jonghyun can still see it clearly from how close they’re standing. He can make out the way Minhyun’s pupils shine as they scan him. Jonghyun frowns.

“What are you doing here?” he asks but he doesn’t really care, he tells himself.

“I’m sorry.” 

Jonghyun rolls his eyes. “Is that supposed to mean something to me? You said it yourself, Hwang Minhyun- _ssi_ , we don’t know each other. There’s nothing between us for you to apologise for.”

Minhyun fumbles. “Can you give me a chance to explain? I’ll tell you -”

“I did give you a chance,” he cuts him off. “I _asked_ you, _begged_ you to explain. But you didn’t. And instead you lied to my face. All that talk about how you want me to have a choice when it comes to you only for you to not let me make a decision. Do you know how much it hurt when you started acting like you didn’t care? You’re not a good liar, Minhyun. And it pisses me off that you thought you’d get away with it.”

“I- I’m -”, he stammers. “I’m really sorry. I was trying to protect you. You have to trust me -”

“Trust is earned, Minhyun.” Jonghyun shakes his head, he can feel a migraine coming. “And what’s the point of protecting me if you hurt me on purpose? I thought I could trust you before but there’s still so much about you that I don’t know. And I feel like you don’t want me to know anything. So how can I trust you?”

“I’ll tell you everything,” he says, voice desperate. “Please, let me.”

Jonghyun stays quiet for a while and he can tell that it’s making the man in front of him more anxious the more the silence stretches. So he asks.

“No more lies?”

“No more lies.”

Jonghyun sighs. “Fine. But if we’re doing this, we’re doing it at my place. I have to wake up early tomorrow.”

“I’ll come back another time then -”

“No,” he quickly says. “That’s not necessary.”

Minhyun stares at him with those eyes again, a look of hurt on his face and it immediately makes Jonghyun feel guilty. He quickly looks away, he can’t stand those eyes right now. Eyes that are pleading him with his every being. He’s annoyed with himself now. He doesn’t owe Minhyun anything. He’s practically doing the man a favour.

“Come on,” he says before walking past Minhyun, making sure to not bump into him for the fear that a single touch would make his entire resolve crumble. 

The walk to his apartment is silent. It vaguely reminds him of that night from weeks ago, where he was hyper aware of Minhyun’s entire being. It’s not like he isn’t now, but he also has his pride on the line. Minhyun walks beside him, a gap of an arm between them again. They’re so close but the distance between them suddenly makes Jonghyun feel a little anxious.

_What if it’s all over after tonight?_

When they reach the bottom of the building, Jonghyun pauses for a few moments before walking straight in. This time, Minhyun doesn’t disappear into the night. This time, Minhyun walks closely behind him. 

They walk up the stairs and once they reach his floor, Jonghyun leads Minhyun through the cramped corridor to the front of his door. Jonghyun unlocks it with his key and enters his home. It’s a little messy and small and Jonghyun belatedly feels embarrassed about his living conditions once he remembers the place Minhyun lives in but it’s too late to dwell on it now.

He kicks off his shoes and off his thin jacket, hanging it in the small hook by the door, before walking to the living room. But there are no steps or movement behind him that indicates that he’s not alone.

He’s suddenly aware that Minhyun hasn’t followed him. Jonghyun turns around and sees that the man is still by the door, not crossing the threshold of his apartment. 

He looks at Jonghyun sheepishly before saying, “I can’t come in.”

Realisation hits him.

“Ah, right.” Jonghyun bites his lip, embarrassed that he forgot such a crucial fact. “Would you like to come in?” he asks.

“Of course,” Minhyun answers before taking a step into his home.

“Sorry for the mess. It’s a little small too,” he says as Minhyun looks around the room, almost like he’s inspecting the second hand furniture, the pictures on the wall, the blankets that are messily strewn over his single bed in haste, the old worn-out guitar that is cosily tucked in the corner of the room. He’s starting to feel the heat rise to his face at being so perceived, so seen, so _known_ until Minhyun finally speaks.

“No, it’s alright.” Minhyun turns away from the guitar and gives him a small smile. “It’s very you.”

Jonghyun nods, unsure of how else to respond to the statement. “You can sit down first. I’ll make some tea -”

“No, it’s okay. You don’t have to.”

Jonghyun watches as Minhyun sits down on the bed, noticing how he doesn’t even bother to take off his jacket. He places his hands on his lap, almost a little too proper given the situation. Jonghyun can’t shake off the awkwardness as he joins Minhyun beside him.

He sucks in a deep breath. “You said you were going to explain everything, right?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter drained me to write. i hope you guys enjoyed it tho! next chapter is a big one so hhh buckle up i guess
> 
> comments and feedback are always appreciated <3


	8. of monsters and men

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Show yourself, you coward.”
> 
> So he does.
> 
> He steps out from the shadows and into the moonlight. The silver rays from the sky only glistens the fresh blood on his lips and the tear stains down his cheeks. His hanbok is dirtied and crumpled, expensive silk treated like old rags in one night. His hair is a mess from his feeding. His eyes are golden, almost glowing in the night. He looks like a monster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw: animal death, dubcon (forced kiss)
> 
> glossary:  
> gayageum - korean zither played during the joseon period

The young man sits at the small tea shop. He tries his best to blend into the other guests, making sure not to act too fidgety, too suspicious. He has been into a city before — he’s been to Kaesong plenty of times — it shouldn’t be that difficult to blend in, even if this place is foreign to him. All cities are the same, all that needs to be done is to find what he’s looking for. 

He’s hungry and he knows what he needs. It’s difficult for him to control himself but thankfully, the smell of the tea in the air helps mask the food he really craves. He will only be in town for a short while and then he can leave again.

“Young master,” the owner says as he sets down a cup of tea on the man’s table, steam floating from the dark water in a small cloud. “That will be two coins.”

The man looks up from the cup and stares into the owner’s eyes. “I think you’re mistaken,” he says calmly, a common demeanour of a learned young master. “I have already paid,” he continues with a smile.

After a few moments, the owner blinks as if he was just in a trance. “You’re right. I apologise, my lord. Please enjoy the tea.” And then he leaves the young man alone, never coming back a second time to collect the debt that he rightfully owns.

The jade ring on the young man’s finger clinks on the cup when he grabs it before slowly downing the drink, tasting it on his tongue, feeling it flow down his throat and into his stomach. The scene would almost be picturesque in nature if he hadn’t realised that something is far from normal. He frowns. There’s nothing but bitterness on his tongue and sand in his throat and stones in his stomach. Whatever he downs will just come back up now. He’s going to feel sick again like he always does when he tries this.

“Ouch!” a voice yelps and he quickly spins his head around to see the owner with a pained look on his face. 

“Don’t worry about me, young master!” the owner says, faux cheerily. “It’s been happening a lot these days. Perhaps I’m getting old.” He lifts his hand to show a small cut on his finger, a small clot of blood on the pad of it.

And it’s like time stops. He watches as the blood starts to drip downwards, slowly before it reaches the surface of the small table. Suddenly, that is all he can smell. The young man feels himself tense. He clenches his fist and closes his eyes — eyes that he knows had turned yellow as soon as he caught a whiff of the blood. His mouth is starting to hurt, too. His gums are aching, trying to let the fangs finally break free. His whole body is screaming at him for real food. He feels like an animal.

He curses inwardly. _I need to get out of here._

He abruptly stands up, the other guests of the tea shop turn their head to the source of the clatter. He starts to sweat, feeling the confidence he had earlier slowly drain from his body. He has to leave town. He has to -

“Here ye! Here ye!”

The young man now sees that a crowd is starting to form at the town square. He swiftly leaves the tea shop, his movements like he is floating on water, and goes towards it, trying to find out what all the commotion is about. 

_Is this about me?_ a fearful thought lingers in the corner of his mind. He’s almost nervous by what he could potentially find.

The sea of people is completely hiding the speaker, so the young man has no choice but to move forward, pushing some of the commoners out of the way. He needs to get closer, but he doesn’t go too close, he stays near the middle now because he sees them; men in palace uniforms. He doesn’t recognise any of the faces but he still lowers his head cautiously and listens to the announcement intently.

“The Emperor has fallen.”

Audible gasps escape the lips of the people around him but the young man stays quiet. 

“And the crown prince has also passed.”

Now this gets his attention. He raises his head, there is no sadness detected on the faces of those men. He finds himself getting annoyed. Ever since he became _this,_ he’s found that he’s prone to getting annoyed, all the time. Everything is so loud. Everything is so irritating. Everything makes his blood boil.

_Blood._

The proximity of the people around him makes him drunk on the smell. He can’t seem to focus on anything else anymore. Before he ends up exposing himself, he really must leave. Fighting every fibre, every instinct in his body, every scream his organs are throwing at him, he tries his best to do just that. Frantic in his movements, the man leaves the crowd, hiding further and further into the shadows and waits for the night to come instead. Only then can he finally do what he needs to do. Only then can he be himself.

Night time in this city isn’t as different as it is back at home. 

Home. He wonders if he has the right to call Kaesong his home anymore. He ran away and made himself promise that he would never come back anytime soon. That’s right. He has no home. And he has no one with him. And that’s all his fault. The young man lets out a breath. He promised that at the very least he would survive, but what’s the point if his survival depends on the survival of others? He has to make the selfish choice that no one else has to. But he did manage to find a loophole, which is why he is watching the chicken merchant travel back to his home alone, only a lantern guiding his way on the dirt path before him.

The poor merchant continues on his journey, completely unsuspecting that he is being preyed on by a certain someone. He even whistles as he goes about his way, completely oblivious to how he will be thieved soon. So he walks, and walks, and walks, his mule pulling his cart alongside him. And then he just stops, a figure engulfed in shadows stands before him.

“Hello,” the merchant greets.

“I’m sorry,” a voice replies.

“What?”

And the merchant is hit with a blunt force.

  
  
  


He found this way of survival very early on. He carries the merchant over his shoulder and drags the cart away from the main road — the weight of it all seemingly nothing to him, he moves with ease and with no signs of discomfort. The mule resists at first but he manages to yank it in the direction of his way. The chickens under the tarp start making a racket as they go deeper into the darkness of the surrounding trees, the wheels banging on the rocks and the bumps on their way. Once they reach a point where the cart cannot go further, he lays the man down on the ground. The merchant is harmed but isn’t dead, he made sure of that. But he isn’t interested in the merchant anyway — what he really wants lies underneath the covers.

He lifts the tarp and he sees the coup of chickens. Carefully, he takes one of the chickens out. It flaps its wings in fear of the stranger and pecks its beak into his hands but the wounds that would appear from the small cuts would only heal back immediately. The man brings the neck of the chicken to his mouth and sinks his teeth into it. The blood quenches him of the thirst he had felt all day, the same thirst that he had to hold himself back from at the square in fear of ripping apart the first person he saw. The chicken’s wings flap more violently than before, its body shaking in panic and he can hear the heart of the animal start to beat faintly but he can’t stop himself so he keeps sucking and sucking.

And then the blood turns cold on his lips and he tastes the bitter poison on his tongue.

He coughs and throws the dead chicken to the ground. He poisoned himself again and now he needs to heal but he can’t heal properly without _blood_. So he repeats the process.

He keeps feeding until there are about twelve limp chickens by his feet but he’s still so, _so_ hungry and it makes no sense why he would feel like this. Normally, he would be able to move on from a town and be free from hunger for a few days but he still feels that same pure instinct he felt from that first night; everything he does can only be done to defeat the screaming from his stomach. There are only two things he _feels_. 

The first is hunger.

And the second is guilt.

The Emperor is dead and his son still hasn’t mourned for him properly. He hasn’t even allowed himself to shed a tear yet, always in fear of dying and getting caught as a monster. He has many regrets but it doesn’t change any of the events that led his father, the kindest man that he has ever known, to his demise and unlike the filial son he thought he was, all he did was run away from all responsibilities.

Finally, the dead prince cries.

And then he hears it — a crack of a twig that someone had stepped on. He whips around and sees a man in palace uniform. It’s dark but he can see clearly and he realises too late that he recognises this man from his previous life. It’s the same piercing eyes, the same thin lips, the same square jaw, the same three moles like constellations on his cheek.

Seongwu.

“Who goes there?” Seongwu says in a low voice, laced with authority. He can see the guard reach for the sword at his belt as he steps cautiously into the small clearing.

And for the first time in a long time, he feels too ashamed to respond. So he retreats further into the shadows, slowly walking backwards.

“You!” Seongwu calls and the man freezes. “Stop right there.”

“No.”

“How dare you!” Seongwu raises his voice and his blade towards the shadowed figure. “Show yourself, you coward.”

So he does.

He steps out from the shadows and into the moonlight. The silver rays from the sky only glistens the fresh blood on his lips and the tear stains down his cheeks. His hanbok is dirtied and crumpled, expensive silk treated like old rags in one night. His hair is a mess from his feeding. His eyes are golden, almost glowing in the night. He looks like a monster. And all he can see are the wide brown eyes that stare at him in shock, like they had seen a ghost leap from its grave and all he can hear is a sword clatter to the ground.

“H- how can this be?” Seongwu stammers. “ _Jeonha_ , you’re supposed to be dead.” He takes a step forward only for the palace guard to take a step back.

“I _am_ dead.”

“That’s impossible!” Seongwu screams at him, his hand trembling as he points his finger at the ghost of the dead prince. “I saw you. There was so much blood. Your heart stopped beating… You were dead. You -”

“Seongwu,” he says gently and the look in Seongwu’s eyes changes into something familiar — eyes that he had seen many times so long ago. “I _did_ die.”

“But you’re here,” Seongwu replies, his voice sounding a little too hopeful. Excitement clear in his voice, he continues, “That means we can bring you back. That means we can go home -”

“We can’t.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m hungry,” he answers in barely a whisper.

“ _Jeonha?_ ”

“I’M HUNGRY!”

Just then, he hears the merchant stir awake and he can’t stop himself anymore. He goes to the man in a flash and pulls the body upward. Yanking the merchant’s robe down so quickly, the fabric rips, he bares his fangs and sinks his teeth into the man’s neck. It tastes so familiar. It tastes so warm and sweet and _good_ , even though all rational thoughts in his head are telling him that this is _bad._ The merchant’s heartbeat is loud in his ears, louder than the chickens’ before. So he drinks and drinks and drinks until the heartbeat turns so faint he might miss it. But he doesn’t. And before the blood turns into poison, he throws the body away, the skin and flesh ripping off the bones as he does it.

He looks up and sees Seongwu’s eyes on him, mouth open, but for some reason, he doesn’t care for it. He finds himself being suddenly energised with a newfound confidence that he hasn’t had in three weeks.

So he walks towards the figure that cowers at his every step. He stops right in front of Seongwu and sees the look of disgust in those eyes and now, an inkling of worry starts to manifest in his stomach where he had been filled with a sense of assurance, only a few moments ago. The back and forth of his mood is making his head feel like it’s about to burst. He hates this feeling.

“Do you promise to stay by my side forever?” the dead prince whispers.

“Yes,” the man replies, eyes shaking in fear. “I will never leave your side, _Jeonha_.” He looks behind the prince where a body lays, face turned to the ground, slowly draining of blood, completely still and unmoving.

And then the monster bites into his own wrist, and shoves it into Seongwu’s mouth. The man stares at him in horror but the prince only gazes back calmly. He lightly brings his hands on either side of the man’s face and smiles, blood dripping from his mouth. “That’s good,” he says before he snaps the palace guard’s neck.

  
  


***

Not everyone is suited to be a prince.

Not everyone is suited to be a warrior.

And by right, not everyone is suited to be a vampire either but Minhyun doesn’t care about that anymore. He has long since thrown out whatever beliefs he had as a stupid human. They were meaningless then and are even more so now. Now he knows that there is no god. There is no good or bad. The only thing worth worshipping is pleasure. And the only thing that gives him pleasure is _power_.

That’s what he tells himself as he sinks his teeth into his latest unsuspecting victim. She’s a noble woman who is known amongst the people in town as someone with a good background, ridiculous wealth and a kind heart. But that is what people say when she’s around. Minhyun had only arrived here with his companion a few days ago but he has already heard the dark whispers of this woman’s cruelty and her infidelity. He smirks at the memory of their meeting. He remembers how she feigned shyness when she was clearly taken by his looks. He saw the way her eyes preyed on him, completely unaware that she was the prey.

Minhyun doesn’t like to compel his victims into letting him feed from them. No, he much prefers the thrill of the hunt. The shock and the fear in their eyes once they realise they trusted a monster. Their feeble pleas as they ask him to spare them.

It’s all the same.

The same instant gratification.

The same emptiness that follows.

  
  


***

Minhyun sits down on the hard ground, playing on his _gayageum_ as he watches the leaves fall from the trees above to the lake in front of him. They’re stopping their travels at a nearby guesthouse for today but Minhyun left Seongwu there alone and decided to take a walk by himself instead. There were too many people at the guesthouse and it was suffocating for him. He was surrounded by so much warmth and yet all he felt was the cold.

So he walked for a while until he found the lake.

Here, alone, it’s not cold at all. Here, it’s peaceful. Here, it’s beautiful.

  
  


***

  
  


Seongwu’s body starts convulsing and Minhyun is too shocked to move. The man he had been feeding on lays dead on the floor and had been dead for a long time, Minhyun even tried to pull him off but Seongwu kept _feeding._ He didn’t even do just that, he drank so hard, his hands gripping on the man so tightly that he ripped the limbs off. And now, Seongwu might be the one who ends up dead.

So Minhyun does the only thing he can do, he runs out of their room and looks around the inn. And it is today that most of the guests have gone to see the village’s Lantern Festival. Now the guest house is uncharacteristically empty where it had been lively only the night before.

Minhyun curses inwardly. Seongwu is still in their room, coughing and spitting out the blood of the dead and he will die soon. Minhyun has told him so many times to stop before the heart stops beating and let the human bleed out to their death instead but being a vampire has made him especially greedy and stubborn, it annoys Minhyun to no end and now he might even be left alone again.

Alone. 

He can’t have that. 

He has had enough of it.

“My lord?” a voice behind him calls.

He turns around and sees one of the maidens who works here. He realises that this is the same woman who had heated his bath the night before. He smiles in relief.

“I need you to come help me.”

  
  


***

Minhyun is busy writing a letter when Seongwu storms into his room. He doesn’t look up from his parchment though, and just continues stroking his brush languidly, a show of being completely unbothered by the other man’s unwanted presence.

“Is it true?” Seongwu asks him, panic clear in his voice.

Minhyun rolls his eyes, so used to his companion’s dramatic antics. “You’re going to have to be more specific with what you mean, Seongwu. I don’t know what you’re talking about. Though I’m a vampire, I still can’t read minds,” he replies in a calm voice, though he feels annoyance start to build at being disrupted. His fingers hold the sleeve of his right arm as his hand carefully flicks its wrist with each brush stroke.

“That girl says that you want to turn her. Is this true?”

Minhyun raises an eyebrow and lifts the brush off the parchment, making sure he doesn’t accidentally blot the page before he carefully sets it down. “If you mean Yaebin then yes. Yes, it is.”

“Why?”

“That’s between Yaebin and I. If you’re afraid of being replaced then don’t worry, you aren’t. And besides, I’ve turned others before and you never got upset about it so -”

But Seongwu cuts him off. “Yes, out of boredom but you never wanted them to stay. You would always just leave them be. So, why now?”

Minhyun narrows his eyes. This conversation is turning towards an area that he knows will make both of them angry. “I’m going to forgive you for interrupting me. But like I said, I don’t need to explain myself to you, Seongwu.”

“But -”

“That’s enough!” Minhyun yells. “Whatever I do, and whoever I bring with me is for me to decide. Stop testing whatever little patience for this matter I already have.”

The room falls silent before them. Nothing but their frustrated breaths can be heard. And Minhyun is sure that this will be the end of it until Seongwu asks another question. “Do you… love her?”

“What?”

“Do you love her?” Seongwu lets out a shaky breath. Minhyun stares at the fist he has balled up, trembling as he asks the question.

“No, I don’t,” Minhyun answers slowly. Seongwu meets his gaze, eyes different from before. There’s a semblance of confidence in those eyes and Minhyun has to shatter it. 

“Not in the way you want me to love _you,_ ” he continues, voice dipped in ice.

In a split second, Seongwu’s expression changes. But he stays quiet so Minhyun goes on. 

“Did you think I would never notice? How could I not when you looked at me like that? At the palace, you would glance at me with those eyes. Those same eyes you’re looking at me with right now. Don’t do that, Seongwu. It complicates _everything._ ”

Voice low, he replies, “Min- _ah,_ I was hoping you would realise.”

“I told you to never call me that, Seongwu.” There is a clear warning in Minhyun’s voice and it freezes the man in front of him. Seongwu stares at him, tight lipped. He’s hurt so Minhyun doesn’t understand why Seongwu keeps seeking when he knows what he’ll find. 

“Is it really impossible?” Seongwu asks in a small voice.

“Yes, it is.”

“It’s not like you have an apprehension for men. I know that, Minhyun. You never even hated the idea -” Seongwu stops when he sees the glare Minhyun shoots him but he still doesn’t completely bite his tongue. “Even last night, you went to bed with that lord -”

“Before I killed him.”

“But still, you’re fine with a man or a woman but you don’t want me. Even though I’ve been here with you, never leaving your side, this entire time. Why?”

Minhyun sighs. “It’s not whether or not you’re a man, Seongwu. It’s just that I don’t feel what you want me to and I can’t force myself to change for you.” He stares directly into Seongwu’s eyes, unwavering as he says, “I just… I don’t love you, Seongwu.”

“But love can grow -”

He can’t help the sharp breath that leaves his nose. “And it has been more than three hundred years but my feelings have stayed the same.” Minhyun shakes his head. He doesn’t know what else to say to convince this man. “I can’t, Seongwu. You have always known this, so please stop asking.”

But Seongwu doesn’t stop. He sits down in front of Minhyun, not allowing him to look at anything but the man in front of him and he pleads, he _begs_. “You can use me.”

“No -”

“Min- _ah_ , you can use me. I wouldn’t mind.”

“But I would!” Minhyun stands up and stares down at the man at his feet. “Do you think I’m that cruel? I can’t just use you when I know how you feel about me. It wouldn’t be fair to either of us because I know that nothing will change between us, and you will keep hoping for it. I can’t destroy us like that.”

“Min- _ah…_ ”

“Stop calling me that!” He doesn’t even look at Seongwu now. His head turned towards the door instead. “Leave.”

“I’m sorry. I -”

“Get out before we both say something we’ll regret later on.”

Seongwu does leave, but Minhyun doesn’t miss the flash of anger on his face before he steps out the door.

  
  


***

The bar is warmly lit and crowded from celebration. Minhyun isn’t entirely sure why they’re even here when neither of them can get drunk on anything but the red that pumps through a person’s veins. He grimaces at the amount of people around him but he can control his cravings better now and he’s managed to hold himself back from going for the kill in most situations. It still makes him uncomfortable though.

“Seongwu, why are we here?” he asks.

The man beside him smiles. “Just felt like letting loose.”

Minhyun raises an eyebrow. “And what does that mean? Stop speaking in code. It’s annoying.”

Seongwu’s expression darkens and he stands up, making his way to the private back rooms, looking over his shoulder to make sure that Minhyun follows him. It’s strange how secretive Seongwu is suddenly acting when normally, he can never be quiet. It worries Minhyun about what’s to come. Maybe Seongwu has finally had enough of him and wants to leave.

Once they reach one of the rooms at the back, the man who led him here finally speaks, “Remember the first time you taught me how to feed -”

“And how you never listened to me ever again because you’re terrible at it? You can never control yourself. Of course I remember.” Despite the subject matter, Minhyun still has fondness in his voice.

Seongwu laughs. “Yeah, that too.” And then he takes a step closer to Minhyun. “But what I was getting at was how good it felt. When you taste blood for the first time, that sweet warmth that reaches your lips and just travels through your whole body, do you remember that? That same warmth that doesn’t make people like us feel cold anymore?” He reaches out and places a hand on Minhyun’s cheek, cold skin against cold skin.

Minhyun’s eyes shift from the hand to the gaze Seongwu holds him in. It’s that same look in his eyes again. He doesn’t know why but he ends up whispering. “What are you trying to say?”

“It felt good, Minhyun,” he replies simply. “It _feels_ good. So I don’t understand why you would want to stop.”

Now he understands what this is about. He sighs and takes Seongwu’s hand off him. “You were eavesdropping.”

“Like you’ve never done that before.” He takes another step closer only for Minhyun to take one step back. Seongwu frowns. “Is it that bad to just be ourselves with me?”

“This isn’t about that and you know it. It’s not about you, it’s about me. I just can’t stand myself the more I live like this. I can’t.”

“You were never like this before. And then you took in that stupid girl -”

“Yaebin -”

“And now you have a moral high ground. First it was the ‘no petty compelling’, and then you tried to stop going hunting — you even tried an animal diet again, only to vomit because you’re so used to human blood — and then you only feed in small amounts and now you want to stop drinking from people entirely? Because some old fart decides to put a ‘blood bank’ here? You’re a fool, Hwang Minhyun. You act so morally superior because some bitch says you need to be ‘humane’ but all you’re doing is denying who you truly are, _what_ you truly are. And it disgusts me that you think this is good -”

“Would you rather I be like you then? Mindlessly killing people, not caring who they are or what their background is? Stop blaming Yaebin. You’ve always hated her, by the way, and we both knew it. Even back then, way before we met her, you never cared about what your victims did to other people before you picked them. All you wanted to do was rip their flesh off -”

“And that was _normal!_ This _is_ normal. Because, in case you haven’t noticed, we’re _vampires._ ”

“I know! I made that choice -”

“But I didn’t! I never made that choice.”

Minhyun falls silent, a pregnant pause stretches over them, filling the room with the kind of discomfort that makes his neck itch, and Seongwu scoffs at his reaction. “Now, don’t get quiet on me all of a sudden, I don’t resent you. On the contrary I’m grateful, because I got to spend almost a millennia with you.”

“Seongwu…” Minhyun trails off, not liking where any of this is going. It’s going to burst. The safety bubble their relationship has always managed to stay in will burst any second now, he knows this but he also knows that it’s too late to stop. It’s far too late. He takes a deep breath before continuing. “But I _do_ regret it. I took your life from you, and you have all the right to resent me. In fact, you should. What I did was cruel.”

“No, what you did was natural.” Seongwu smiles at him but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “You took my life from me and let me live a hundred different lives. And like I said, I got to be with you.” He walks closer again, but Minhyun’s feet remain planted on the floor. “I’m luckier than most.”

Seongwu places both his hands on either side of Minhyun’s face and it sends shivers down his spine. It reminds him of that night in the forest so long ago but this time, it’s Minhyun who gapes at Seongwu in horror. Seongwu is looking at him that way again and it makes Minhyun sick to his stomach but he can’t seem to move his body — it’s like a weight has been pressed on top of him, impairing him of all of his movements.

“Min- _ah,_ ” Seongwu says slowly, “I love you.”

Minhyun shakes his head. “No. You don’t, Seongwu.”

“Yes, I do!” His grip on Minhyun’s face tightens. “That’s why I can’t leave you.”

Minhyun takes Seongwu’s hands off him again but continues to hold them in his own. “I told you this before, Seongwu. I don’t feel that way towards you. I didn’t then, and I still don’t now. And sometimes I miss it. I crave being human again. I want to be able to not have my senses and feelings dialed up to eleven every time I open my eyes from sleep. I want to be able to live and die like a normal person. I want to be able to be buried in the ground like how so many of the people we knew were.”

“It’s because of her, isn’t it?”

“No. It’s not. It really isn’t,” Minhyun answers. Seongwu looks down at where their hands meet, refusing to share his gaze. “Look at me, Seongwu,” he repeats this until Seongwu finally does. There is hurt clear in his eyes. “I’m not lying at all when I say that it’s because of _me._ ” 

“You’ve always had that problem — you only think about yourself when you’re pushed into a corner, ignoring everyone around you because you think it would protect you. But this is about _us._ Because back then, when we were younger, we would meet eyes and you never turned away from _me._ And you turned _me_. And you never left _me._ You can’t expect me to believe that none of it was real.”

“Seongwu, all of it _was_ real… but not in the way you wanted it to be. You’re my friend,” Minhyun says, a sense of finality in his voice. “Nothing more, nothing less.”

“You’re lying.”

“I’m not -”

And then something happens that makes Minhyun really feel like vomiting; Seongwu grabs his face and crashes their lips together. The press of their lips is short lived as Minhyun quickly pushes him off, anger, no, rage building deep in his core. He ends up seething as he stares Seongwu down, whose eyes start to shake in fear now.

“Min- _ah_ -”

_SMACK._

Minhyun’s hand is still lifted from the slap he just gave Seongwu and through gritted teeth he says. “You never had the right to call me that.”

Seongwu tries to take a step closer only for Minhyun to wave him off. He stands where he is, his eyes darting frantically around the room. In a rushed voice, he says, “I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me. I -”

“You don’t know what came over you?” Minhyun laughs and then abruptly stops. His voice is completely devoid of the warmth that he used only moments ago. “Don’t you ever show your face to me again, Ong Seongwu.”

***

Yaebin was supposed to be home from her date with Minkyeung an hour ago. The latter is still new to all of this, so Yaebin has been teaching her the ropes lately and with more care than Minhyun ever gave if he’s being honest. When he sees them together he kind of feels jealous at times — they’re so happy together. But he’s always been content with being alone, at least that’s what he tells himself. Sure, he’s fallen for people before — that woman he met in Budapest comes to mind — but not enough to make him want to do something about it. He doesn’t like chasing which is ironic because he’s supposed to be the hunter. He’s always been content with letting whatever feelings he might have die out so that he won’t have to deal with whatever rejection that follows. Minhyun chuckles at himself. He really is a coward.

Their telephone rings. It must be Yaebin.

He gets up from the couch and moves to the telephone hooked on the wall. It still rings loudly when he reaches out his hand before it suddenly stops. Minhyun frowns.

_That’s weird._

Just as he’s about to sit back down at the couch, the phone rings again. This time, he picks it up at the first ring.

“Yaebin- _ah_ , where are you?” he asks. “It’s getting really late. Do you need me to pick you up?”

And then a voice he hasn’t heard in nearly twenty years replies. 

“You really do nag her, don’t you?”

Minhyun’s throat instantly runs dry. “Seongwu,” he says. “It’s been a while.”

He hears a chuckle on the other line, it’s devoid of all warmth that he’s familiar with. “It has, hasn’t it? I wonder what look on your face you have right now.”

Minhyun scoffs. “That doesn’t matter. I don't want to see you.” 

“Really?” There’s rustling on Seongwu’s end and it makes anxiety start to build in the base of Minhyun’s stomach. It goes quiet for a while and he’s almost sure that Seongwu must have hung up on him but then he hears a scream. And the voice is one he hears every day.

Yaebin.

“Seongwu!” Minhyun yells, panic clear in his voice. “Where the fuck are you?”

And the bastard laughs at him. “You want to see me?”

“You -”

“It’s okay, I’ll tell you where I am because I miss you. I’m at the place where it all ended. And you better hurry up, Yaebinnie doesn't look so good.”

And then the call ends but Minhyun is out the door before he hears the end dial.

The bar went out of business four years ago and since then the land was purchased by some developer. But the plans for a new apartment building must have fallen through because the construction of the building has been abandoned for well over a year now. Nothing but steel beams and plastic tarps can be seen when Minhyun arrives in his car.

The heat of the summer doesn’t really bother him now but he feels himself sweat in worry. He walks through the building, keeping an eye and an ear open for any movements or sounds but there is nothing. The night is still and he wonders if this excites Seongwu like it used to when he hunted humans in the same manner.

And then he sees her. Yaebin is laying on the ground at the far corner, still and unmoving. He runs to her only to see that she’s not alone, there are several other people around her, their limbs ripped off of them, age and gender all varying. The only thing they have in common is the fact that they are all laying in a pool of their own blood. He lifts Yaebin’s head and sees that her face is covered in blood that has since dried black. A shiver runs down Minhyun's spine.

He shakes her awake. “Yaebin- _ah_ , it's me.” 

She stirs and opens her eyes. “ _Orabeoni_ ,” she croaks. I’m sorry… I killed all these people. He didn't let me stop. And -” she coughs and now Minhyun can see that she has started to cry. “I killed them. And it hurts so much. I feel like I'm going to die.”

“Where is he?” he asks.

“I’m right here.”

Minhyun whips around and sees the devil himself. Anger builds inside him and heats his body like a furnace as soon as he sets eyes on him. Minhyun walks up to him and pushes him against a beam.

“What did you do?” he spits.

“You look good, Minhyun.” Seongwu smiles at him.

“Answer my question!” he yells.

Seongwu just tilts his head pointedly at all the dead bodies on the ground. “I just thought of sharing a meal with her. She enjoyed it, see?”

“I’ll fucking kill you.”

“Is that before or after your precious Yaebin dies?”

Minhyun's heart sinks and he lets Seongwu go to rush to Yaebin’s side. He puts an arm around her, trying to help her stand up but she's far too weak. But when he tries to carry her she protests.

“ _Orabeoni_ , it hurts.”

“I’m sorry, Yaebin- _ah_. But we have to get you up so that you can eat and gain strength again. Please just bear with it for now,” he tries to sooth her.

“I can’t,” she chokes.

Minhyun feels his eyes start to prick. He can’t lose her now.

He turns to Seongwu, who had just been leaning against one of the beams, watching them this whole time. “You!” he says. “Help me.”

“Okay.” Seongwu shrugs.

And then he pulls Yaebin from Minhyun’s arms roughly and slams her against the wall. She groans in pain and Minhyun sees red.

“What are you doing?!”

“I’m helping you.” Seongwu smiles.

And then time stops. Minhyun watches, his feet planted to the ground as his whole body freezes up, as Seongwu takes out a wooden stake he was hiding and stabs Yaebin right into the left side of her chest. Minhyun watches as Yaebin turns her face towards him, nothing but terror in her eyes, blood seeping through her shirt on the left side of her chest, before she drops to the floor. Minhyun watches as Seongwu gives him one last smile before he vanishes from the scene like thin air. Minhyun watches as Yaebin’s body slowly desiccates before it soon crumbles and turns into something like ash that gets blown away by the midsummer wind.

* * *

Jonghyun stares back at him as Minhyun tells his story, only occasionally nodding to show that he was listening. He listens to all the horrors in this tale but all he can hear is the heavy loneliness Minhyun has lived with for most of his life. He has questions of course, but by the time the vampire finishes telling him about the past, he feels sleep start to take over his body.

“I’m sorry,” Jonghyun whispers.

Minhyun, who had been staring at his hands, lifts his eyes to meet Jonghyun’s gaze. He frowns. “Why are you apologising? Were you even listening to what I was saying?”

Jonghyun shrugs. “I was listening. I just know how much they both meant to you. I’m sorry this happened.” As Minhyun stays silent, he continues. “You must have been lonely.”

“Well, I made that choice.”

They fall quiet for a while, the only sound that can be heard is the ticking of Jonghyun’s clock on the wall. Jonghyun wants to say something to comfort Minhyun but he doesn’t know what. “When you turned Seongwu -” He pauses, still searching for the right words. “When you turned _him,_ did you want a friend who was like you?”

“I -” Minhyun begins before he shakes his head, dismissing whatever his initial thoughts were. “Yes, I did. I felt like the loneliest person in the world. Everyone I ever cared about was gone. Every time I felt like I had gotten something, I lost another almost immediately. It was exhausting. I didn’t have anyone.”

“Hm,” Jonghyun hums. “You must be tired.” There’s finality in his voice, a sign that the night has to end now. They both need rest.

The pupils of the vampire’s eyes dilate as his body stiffens and his words leave his mouth in panic. “Wait, there’s still so much more that I need to tell you -”

“It’s okay,” Jonghyun says. “We have time.”

Minhyun stares at him and Jonghyun swears that there is a glint of yellow in them right before the vampire turns away. “Right. It’s getting late.” He stands up abruptly. “I should go.”

But before he can leave, a warm hand wraps itself around his. “It’s okay,” Jonghyun whispers. “You can stay.”

“Why?” Minhyun whispers back.

“I don’t want you to be alone tonight.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well this got really fucking long... god i loved writing this chapter, it was so fun to delve deeper into the past but this is not all there is to it 👁️ the next chapter is also a monster in terms of length 
> 
> my fics are archived [@polarismp4](https://twitter.com/polarismp4).
> 
> comments and feedback are always appreciated! see yall next week :)


	9. quiet nostalgia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jonghyun opens his eyes and sees a pair of dark brown eyes stare back at him, concern clearly swimming in them. Minhyun reaches out a hand and places it on his cheek. It’s cool to the touch.
> 
> “You’re crying,” he says as his thumb swipes away at his skin. It’s only then that Jonghyun realises that what Minhyun is saying is true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: homophobia, suicidal thoughts

_There is music playing but Jonghyun can’t seem to open his eyes to see who is playing it._

Oh, it’s this dream again, _he thinks._

_He doesn’t recognise the instrument, only that it’s stringed and that the melody being played is so melancholic it brings tears to his eyes. Whoever is playing must be a real musician. Jonghyun feels a little jealous at that but it sends a wave of calmness in him, something he hasn’t felt in a long time. The wooden floor is hard and cold where he sits but he feels so warm._

_It’s beautiful, and then it stops playing._

_A voice asks, “How was it?”_

_He’s heard this voice before but he can’t figure out who it is. He can’t seem to open his mouth to answer, either._

It’s beautiful, _he wants to say. He hopes the person who played could understand him, even in his silence. He tries his best to open his eyes. Jonghyun wants to see the face of the musician but his eyelids are heavy. And that makes him sad._

_A hand reaches out and pats him on the head. “I wrote it for you,” the voice says._

I love it, _he replies in his head._

_“I’m glad you do.”_

Jonghyun opens his eyes and finds himself face-to-face with a familiar someone. Minhyun is still sleeping. One look at the clock on his wall tells Jonghyun that it’s just past two AM. He should really go back to sleep but he can’t help but stare at the scene in front of him. Minhyun insisted on sleeping on the floor, stating that he’s done it many times before but it just didn’t sit right with Jonghyun to make a guest sleep on the cold ground even if he’s a vampire. How they managed to fit on Jonghyun’s single bed, he doesn’t really know but he suspects that the vampire is barely on it. Jonghyun continues his gazing. Minhyun’s face is the most peaceful he’s ever seen; his eyelashes fan his cheeks, his breaths are quiet like a faint whisper, his brows aren’t furrowed like how Jonghyun normally sees him. He wonders if Minhyun normally sleeps like this; peaceful, forgetting the entire world around him as he dreams. He wishes he could burn this image onto the back of his eyelids, he needs this to stay in his memory for safe keeping. Jonghyun never thought vampires would need to sleep but now that he thinks about it, he realises that Minhyun has looked tired the past couple of times they met.

He’s tired, too.

So he closes his eyes and lets sleep take over him.

_It’s his club room from university. He sets down his bag on the old couch and absentmindedly looks out the window that has a view of the rest of the campus. Seeing all of this again makes him feel nostalgic of the good memories he had; nice friends, a caring boyfriend, making his parents proud while writing music whenever he had the free time. But this will all shatter soon._

_“Jonghyun-ah, can I borrow your phone?” his friend asks him. “You took pictures of today’s notes right?”_

_He knows what’s about to happen and anxiety starts to fill his entire being. But like a scene in a movie that’s being replayed for the fiftieth time, he follows the exact same steps he did in the past._

_“Sure,” he says. He tries to not hand the phone to him, his hand is shaking, his insides are screaming but he has no control over his own body. He helplessly passes it to his friend. Nothing can be changed anymore._

This isn’t happening right now. It’s alright, _he tries to reason, an attempt to calm himself. But nothing works because he knows that this is the beginning of the end for him. He feels that same fear he felt some time ago, that night he thought he was going to die at the hands of a monster. But this time there is no one there to save him. He knows this now._

_So the only thing he can do is let this play out. He watches as the man he called his friend’s face suddenly changes into pure revulsion as he flicks through the photo albums. Jonghyun knows that he sees the scandalous photo now because the man suddenly yells._

_“Yah. Kim Jonghyun, what the fuck is this?” Jonghyun swears that he can see the spit flying out of his friend’s mouth._

_His throat instantly dries; he’s suddenly dehydrated, almost as if he had just run a marathon. This is the most terrifying moment in his entire life. He doesn’t know what to do so he just stays silent, staring back at those hate-filled eyes. Those are eyes that he can hardly recognise. The man walks closer to him, and Jonghyun flinches with the loud footsteps that sounded like stomps in the quiet of their club room. It’s in this moment that Jonghyun is grateful that at the very least, they are the only two people present in this room._

_“Kim Jonghyun, I’m talking to you.”_

_It fills him with shame. If his parents find out then Jonghyun knows that it would be game over. He wouldn’t be able to call them his parents anymore. People would talk, his whole family would be shunned, Jonghyun knows the possibility of all of this and what scares him the most is the rejection. And then, he finds himself begging._

_“Please,” he pleads, his eyes starting to water. “Don’t tell anyone.”_

_The man in front of him scoffs. “How could you lie to me this entire time?”_

_“I didn’t lie. I swear.” He’s crying now, tears run down his face but his friend only looks at him in disgust. “I just couldn’t tell you.”_

_His friend laughs, vicious and unforgiving. “Because you knew you were doing something wrong?”_

_“No,” Jonghyun says, the tears won’t stop. “Because I wasn’t.”_

_“Yah -”_

_“Please don’t tell anyone,” he pleads. “I'm begging you.”_

_The man in front of him just stares back, his expression unreadable and that scares Jonghyun even more._

_“Please, don’t. I’m asking you,_ begging _you. I’ll even disappear if you don’t want to see my face anymore. Just,” he takes a deep breath, almost gasping as he continues. “Don’t tell anyone. Please.”_

_“Kim Jonghyun!”_

_“Please -”_

“Jonghyun- _ah?_ ” a familiar voice whispers. It sounds so near to him, like a pair of lips is being pressed to his ear, soothing him with the gentleness of a parent hushing a child, like someone who is used to it. It reminds him of that night, some time ago, where he was saved. It’s the same tone of voice Minhyun used when he told Jonghyun to drink his blood so that he would heal. “Open your eyes, hm?”

Jonghyun opens his eyes and sees a pair of dark brown eyes stare back at him, concern clearly swimming in them. Minhyun reaches out a hand and places it on his cheek. It’s cool to the touch.

“You’re crying,” he says as his thumb swipes away at his skin. It’s only then that Jonghyun realises that what Minhyun is saying is true.

“I’m sorry,” Jonghyun replies.

Minhyun furrows his eyebrows, confused, the peaceful look on his face from before is gone. “Why are you apologising?”

Jonghyun shakes his head. “I don’t -” he sighs. “I don’t know.”

“Don’t be sorry. You didn’t do anything wrong,” Minhyun whispers. “Did you have a nightmare?”

He nods.

“I thought so. You were shaking in your sleep and kept saying things like ‘please’, ‘don’t’, ‘I’m begging you’ but… you wouldn’t wake up no matter how much I shook you. And I didn’t want to force my way in…” Minhyun trails off.

“Force your way in?” Jonghyun asks. _What does any of that even mean?_

“Yes,” Minhyun says. “Vampires can enter people’s dreams. But I didn’t want to look into it unless you let me so I waited for you to wake up instead.”

“Oh.”

A silence between them stretches and grows and grows and grows like a bubble that’s ready to burst. Jonghyun feels anxious about telling Minhyun this but he feels like his own fears need to be explained. He was trusted enough to be told so much and now Jonghyun feels like he should do the same.

“Is it okay for me to tell you?” he asks cautiously.

“That depends on how you feel. This is about you, not me.”

Jonghyun mulls it over in his head for a few moments before he makes his decision.

“I’m not a very trusting person,” he starts and Minhyun immediately raises an eyebrow, clearly not believing him. Jonghyun laughs at his reaction and shakes his head. “No, I’m really not. I trust you though, because you saved my life and I don’t know if I can ever thank you enough for it.” He smiles before he continues, “I’m pretty cynical, too. I’m always waiting for the day someone finally realises that I’m not worth it and then leaves me because they deserve better. I’m always just waiting for someone to reject me. That’s why I told you that time we ate _jajangmyeon_ that I don’t hate what you do, it just confuses me sometimes because it feels like you want something more. It’s something that I want, too. And the truth is, I’m terrified of wanting.

“I’m terrified because I keep chasing after you, knowing that baring my heart out like this can potentially hurt me. It’s scary. Because when you kiss me, I like it… a lot. But then when I get home and I’m alone in my own thoughts, I start to feel that guilt. The reason why I tried so hard to live a normal and quiet life before I met you is because I’m afraid of being found out. I’m afraid of people knowing that what I feel is real.”

“Jonghyun- _ah…_ ”

“And I wasn’t always like this, you know? I was normal. As normal as I could be until someone found out that I _wasn’t._ In college, I had a boyfriend and everyday I thank whatever higher power there is that he wasn’t outed, too.”

There is a glimpse of realisation on Minhyun’s face and he frowns. But he doesn’t say anything, he stays quiet, letting Jonghyun breathe.

“And I just… I ran away. Like a coward.” He belatedly realises that he’s started crying again because Minhyun starts to wipe away his tears the way he’d done before, the way he’d done so many times. “I keep telling myself that the reason why I left as fast as I did was because I just didn’t suit that life but I’ve been lying. I was just scared shitless. I’m a coward _and_ a liar.”

“You’re not a coward,” Minhyun says, his voice so tender and soft. Jonghyun remembers how harsh Minhyun was after being gentle with him. He thinks about that night a lot. He wonders where that real coldness went because he wishes it would come back. It would be easier for him to let go if it did. “You’re not a coward or a liar.”

“Yes, I am. To both,” he laughs, though there's nothing even remotely funny. “He didn’t even tell anyone but I was so terrified that I decided to enlist. I was there for two years and I still couldn’t forget about it. All I can remember from that time is how much I wanted to die.”

Minhyun just stares back at him and Jonghyun is suddenly filled with fear that now he knows what kind of a loser is laying in front of him. He’s going to leave Jonghyun, too. And it’s not like he wasn’t expecting it either, he knew that this could all end tonight -

“But you didn’t,” Minhyun suddenly whispers, breaking the silence between them.

“What?”

“You didn’t die,” he replies. He pauses for a few moments before continuing, seemingly unsure of what to tell Jonghyun. “And when we first met, you’re the one who saved my life. You might not realise how but you did. So I’m grateful that you’re still alive.”

Jonghyun’s eyes wide in shock at Minhyun’s sudden confession. He doesn’t really understand what Minhyun means but he can hear that he’s being sincere. Minhyun means each and every one of his words. That kind of surety makes his heart shake. His heart is beating so fast and so loudly, he wonders if Minhyun can hear him. He probably can.

“Minhyun- _ah_ ,” he says after a while. “Are _you_ still alive?”

“Hm,” Minhyun hums. “Something like that.”

Jonghyun doesn’t know what compels him to but he reaches out and places a hand on Minhyun’s chest. At first, all he can touch is coldness that seeps through his shirt and then he feels it: a heartbeat. It’s faint but steady. It’s there.

He looks up to meet the eyes of the vampire in front of him. “It’s beating,” Jonghyun says. He can feel the soft _thumps_ of the heartbeat against his hand. On a human he would be concerned with how weak it feels but Minhyun acts like it’s nothing.

“Just barely.” Minhyun smiles. “This is a second life for me. But it hardly counts as one because everyday that I’m ‘alive’, I’m always on the verge of dying but I’m never truly dead.”

Jonghyun frowns. “Does it hurt?”

Minhyun stays quiet for a few beats before he answers. “Yes and no. It did in the past, when I was still new to all of it, but I’m used to it now. I got numb to the feeling.”

There is silence again between them but this time, it’s comfortable. Minhyun places a hand on top of Jonghyun’s and takes it off his chest before holding his hand in the small space on the bed between them. Jonghyun lifts his eyes from where they are connected to focus on the look the man in front of him is regarding him with, dark brown eyes on dark brown eyes. The still quiet only feels like a soft blanket in the harsh night — the kind of night where shadows are abound and dark secrets are spoken to be made real. And yet, Jonghyun feels calm. Minhyun’s hand feels cold in his, but he hopes the vampire feels the warmth in his. Suddenly, it feels like something in the world started to resemble normalcy the more they look at each other.

_This feels right,_ Jonghyun doesn't say.

“You should go to sleep, _Sweet One,_ ” Minhyun whispers.

A sharp breath leaves Jonghyun’s nose. “You haven’t called me that in a while,” he says, amused. And then he asks another question, “Do you have any nicknames?”

“Hm,” Minhyun hums. He pauses, seemingly thinking deeply about his answer. “Growing up, people didn’t really call me by my name. I only ever had my name spoken by family. And the only one who gave me a nickname was my sister. She used to call me ‘Min- _ah_ ’.”

His words make different thoughts race through Jonghyun’s head.

_He had a family?_

_He had a sister?_

_His nickname was ‘Min-ah’?_

Somewhere in his understanding, Jonghyun knew that being a vampire must mean that at some point, Minhyun was a human too. But he’s still shocked at how normal parts of Minhyun’s past sound. Except for one.

“How come no one but your family ever called you by your name?”

Minhyun laughs. “They were probably afraid of getting punished. It would have been a crime for them to address me so casually.”

Jonghyun sits up, even more confused now. His whole face scrunches, trying to decipher what Minhyun means but he can’t seem to understand or comprehend anything, especially with how cryptic Minhyun is being. He had guessed that the vampire is old but he never even tried to put a number on _how_ old and now Minhyun says that his name is special, but what's so special about the name ‘Hwang Minhyun’? It sounds so common to Jonghyun. Unless -

“What’s your name?” Jonghyun asks, all too familiarly. “Your real name.”

Minhyun smirks before sitting up and facing Jonghyun. “The name that I was given at birth,” he pauses, “is Wang Min.”

_Wang Min._

_Wang… Min…?_

_Wang?_

“You’re royalty?!” Jonghyun yells before his mouth is quickly covered by Minhyun’s hand. His back is flush against the wall now. It’s hard and cold on his back but Jonghyun doesn’t really mind. Minhyun brings a finger to his own lips, signalling Jonghyun to be quieter in his excitement. He nods and the vampire lets him go.

“Well, I doubt you’d find out much about me in a history book,” Minhyun says, bringing his knees to his chest, seemingly sheepish at the information being divulged. “Official records say that I died at the age of twenty-four of the same plague my father contracted.”

“Were you a king?”

Minhyun chuckles. “No,” he replies. “I was the crown prince. It was my father who was the Emperor.”

_Emperor… Korea only had emperors during…_

Jonghyun’s thoughts must be clear on his face because Minhyun's expression becomes more amused. “Out with your question,” he laughs.

“How _old_ are you?” Jonghyun asks, emphasising on the ‘old’ because _what the fuck?_

Minhyun lets out a breath. “Lets see…” he trails off and Jonghyun wonders if Minhyun is so old that he couldn't keep track of his age. “Um. This year, I turned a thousand and four? I think. The lunar and Gregorian calendar still confuses me sometimes.”

_Bingo._

“A thousand and four?” Jonghyun repeats and the vampire in front of him just nods. Jonghyun smirks at the revelation. _Of course, he is._ He can’t tell if Minhyun is joking or not but he suddenly looks nervous at what the human might say. And that only makes Jonghyun want to mess with Minhyun even more. “You’re a fucking cradle robber,” he jokes.

“Well -” Minhyun starts. “I’m -” And then he starts to ramble.

It’s funny seeing how flustered Minhyun suddenly became. The same Minhyun who had such a cold demeanor when they first met. The same Minhyun who flirted with him with confidence when they had dinner together. The same Minhyun who casually introduced him to one of the people in his life. The man in front of him is yapping away, his hands flying animatedly, trying to convince Jonghyun that he isn’t _that_ strange. This is so unlike him and it makes Jonghyun smile because Minhyun must be comfortable to be like this with him.

_“I’m comfortable around you,” Minhyun once told him._

Minhyun is still talking when Jonghyun bursts into laughter. He doesn’t stop Jonghyun's sudden outburst, he lets him laugh until there are tears in his eyes.

“Should I call you _‘ahjussi’?_ ” Jonghyun asks in between heaves. And then he suddenly realises something and stops. “Ah, wait. I think _‘harabeoji’_ is more accurate,” he says before he starts to laugh again. “Man… Maybe Minki _was_ onto something…”

“Who’s Minki? And what was he onto?” Minhyun asks.

Jonghyun chuckles. “You might have seen him at the library? When I visited you? He’s my best friend. And I might have mentioned you to him,” he says. Minhyun’s mouth opens slightly, as if he’s shocked by this information. Suddenly, it makes Jonghyun feel a little queasy now realising that maybe Minhyun didn’t want to be known to the people in his life. Maybe, he wasn’t planning on staying. Maybe, they’re supposed to be a secret. Maybe, _he’s_ supposed to be a secret. But Jonghyun trudges forward nonetheless. “I was being really vague about it so he asked me if you were a boyfriend or a sugar daddy.” 

Jonghyun’s worries are briefly dispelled when Minhyun lets out another laugh, the back of his hand over his mouth, almost like he’s feeling a little shy. “And what did you tell him?” 

Although Minhyun is clearly delighted, Jonghyun can detect the caution in his voice. Jonghyun knows that they’re stepping into a territory that might change everything between them. The unspoken they have might actually have to get spoken now.

“I said that we were neither.”

“Oh.”

Jonghyun watches as Minhyun bites his lower lip, nervous at the sudden shift in atmosphere. He never wanted to assume anything from their relationship but now Jonghyun wants to hear it directly from Minhyun.

_What are we, exactly? What does Minhyun want from this?_

Minhyun looks down at his hands for a few moments. And Jonghyun watches how he clenches and unclenches his fists. It seems like Minhyun wants to say more, so he waits. The vampire raises his eyes again, and now stares back into Jonghyun’s. The look he gives him is so _tender_ from what Jonghyun can tell and it’s making him feel timid. Hell, Minhyun is making the both of them tense up. Jonghyun knows what to expect but he’s also afraid of what’s to come.

“Would you like to be?” Minhyun asks, breaking the silence between them.

“Hm?” Jonghyun tilts his head.

“Would you like for us to be something?”

“Something?”

“More than friends. Lovers. Us, together, exclusively. Strings attached. Whatever you want to call it. I haven’t done this in a long time so I can’t really remember the term for it.”

“Dating,” Jonghyun supplies.

“Yes. That.”

This is what he expected but Jonghyun’s heart is still bursting when he hears those words actually _uttered._ Minhyun isn’t leaving any room for interpretation or misinterpretation. He’s making it clear that this is what he wants, but Jonghyun is the most scared he’s been in a while. He doesn’t do this often either — he’s terrified of letting himself _want._

Minhyun must have sensed his hesitation because he says in rushed words, “You don’t have to answer now. I can wait. I’m quite good at waiting.” He smiles, pretty unconvincingly, but Jonghyun smiles back in return anyway to reassure him.

“Thank you,” he whispers.

The vampire stares at him for a while, his eyes searching Jonghyun’s for something. And then he shakes his head, whatever he wanted to say is dismissed. “You should go to sleep. You have to wake up early tomorrow,” he says instead, voice quiet.

They lay back down again, side by side, but once their heads touch the pillow, Minhyun turns away from him. His back in front of Jonghyun’s face makes him feel a little lonely. He kind of wants to reach out to the man in front of him to make sure that this is all real — he wants to know if this isn’t a figment of his imagination. Maybe, Jonghyun fucked up this time. Something inside him starts to well up, like a tidal wave that’s about to crash into shore. He feels like he’s drowning. The silence suddenly feels so heavy and suffocating where it was calming only moments before. They really are just as unpredictable as the ocean.

He tries to close his eyes and sleep but he just can’t. He changes his position, shifting his arms or his body, turning back and forth but he just can’t seem to succumb to his tiredness. He’s exhausted but he’s anxious, even more so now, after that conversation.

And then Minhyun’s voice pierces through the quiet of the small room. “Can’t sleep?” he asks, voice so quiet that Jonghyun might have missed it if the room itself wasn’t pin-drop silent.

“No,” Jonghyun whispers back.

Minhyun turns around and faces him again. One look at his face suddenly makes Jonghyun feel relieved, like he’s worth all the trouble.

“My sister sometimes had trouble sleeping, too.”

“Was she your older sister or younger?” Jonghyun asks.

“She was older than me. My _nu-i_.” Minhyun smiles fondly at the memory of his past. It makes Jonghyun feel warm now, too. “I used to play her music or sing to her when she became restless.”

“You play music?” 

“Yes, it makes me feel calm. Music was what comforted me when nothing else did.”

Jonghyun stares at him. He feels exactly the same way. His eyes shift to the guitar by the bed and he remembers teaching himself how to play all those years ago because his parents refused to pay for lessons and he couldn’t afford it either. He remembers how in the past, he would go out to busk sometimes when he was particularly short on rent. He remembers all those times he played it whenever he felt a little lost. That night Minhyun kissed his cheek for the first time before he disappeared, Jonghyun also played. He recalls how he went up to his room, sat down on the bed and placed his fingers on the stiff, numbing strings. It didn’t matter what the song was, he just played. And the thing is, he still can’t remember where he got it, but he figures the guitar must have gotten lost somehow too before he got it in his possession. 

“Can you play my guitar?” he asks.

Minhyun chuckles. “No, I’m a little rusty. I haven’t played one in around four years.”

“How come?” Jonghyun raises an eyebrow.

The vampire shrugs. “It just happened. I can sing, though.”

Suddenly, Jonghyun feels excited. He nods vigorously. “Yes, please!”

Minhyun smiles before clearing his throat. And then he starts to sing. “The air of dawn that I’m alone feels weird / I can’t fall asleep / My heart towards you grew big at some point / I can’t hide it anymore…” 

And it’s like a warm arms just engulfed his entire being. Minhyun’s voice is smooth and silky like honey. He closes his eyes as he sings, concentrating on the melody and the words that leave his lips. Jonghyun closes his eyes too and just listens to him. For the first time in a long time, Jonghyun feels happy.

He continues, “The moonlight that fully shines the empty room / It’s disappearing like a dream / I draw one more time on a white canvas / I trust that I’m not alone…”

And then Minhyun suddenly stops. Jonghyun opens his eyes and sees those familiar eyes look back at him again. Minhyun chuckles. “It’s not finished yet. There are some words I haven’t sorted out. I’m still stuck on it.”

“I can help you finish it,” Jonghyun says, the words leaving his mouth before he can even think to stop them. “I’m a pretty good songwriter too,” he says hotly.

“That would be nice.” Minhyun beams at him, fingers reaching to lightly push the hair out of Jonghyun’s eyes.

  
  


***

  
  


Jonghyun wakes up in his room alone.

At first, he wonders if all of it was a dream — Minhyun coming to his workplace, Minhyun coming over to tell him about his past, Minhyun sleeping beside him, Minhyun comforting him, Minhyun singing him to sleep — he’s almost sure that he may have projected his wants so much that he ended up being visited by the vampire in his deep slumber but according to the small note on his coffee table, it was all real.

In a neat scrawl Minhyun wrote that he had to leave before Jonghyun awoke but that he’ll visit him later during the day. Jonghyun inspects the note and decides that Minhyun has really nice handwriting, not like his own which was deemed as chicken scratch by none other than a certain Choi Minki. He finds it kind of funny how _he_ was the one who made it such a big deal that he had to wake up early for work and yet Minhyun is the one who left first. He finds it especially funny that the _vampire_ is the early riser out of the two of them. He quietly snickers at the thought of it.

_We’re a weird pair,_ he thinks.

And then he kicks himself in the head.

_‘We’? ‘Pair’? Get a grip, Kim Jonghyun!_

Jonghyun gets up and gets ready for the day like he normally would. Aaron told him that he needs to do the shopping this morning, so he’s on the train on the way to market like he would usually be on an errand like this. He haggles with the merchants and buys all the things on the list he was given last night. And it’s only as he’s walking towards the restaurant does he realise how normal everything has been for him despite what transpired last night.

Minhyun told him about his past and in turn Jonghyun shared some things about himself as well. He goes about his day like he usually would but at the same time, something in the universe has shifted.

No, that’s wrong.

The trees are the same. The river that cuts through the city is the same. The route he takes to work is the same. Everything is the same, it’s him that’s different. It’s him that has shifted.

Maybe, Minhyun can actually be part of his _normal._ It felt right last night. But would it feel right later today when they see each other again? When emotions aren’t on a high? When they aren’t spilling out all their secrets in quiet whispers? Jonghyun wonders if it would be possible to have someone like Minhyun in his life for the long run. Minhyun said he wants to be with him but when he gets old, would the vampire still stay? Would their feelings still stay the same? And then there’s that sense of impending danger — everything Minhyun told him about last night about a rogue vampire.

_Why would that be relevant to them?_

His loud sighs are only met with suspicion as Minki asks him with a quirked eyebrow. “What’s up with you? I thought your mood was getting better seeing how chipper you were in the morning. And now you’re back to being moody again. Which is also strange, by the way. Did something happen?”

It’s late in the afternoon but somehow, Jonghyun is already exhausted. Outside the window, he can see how the clouds collect in uncomfortable numbers and the sky is starting to grey. 

_It’s going to rain soon._

“It’s nothing,” Jonghyun replies. 

“Bullshit.” Minki sets down his knife and turns to face the man beside him, an annoyed expression evident on his face. “You’ve been moody for a few days now. Ever since you told me about that guy you’re seeing. Wait -” and then he squints. “Did he do something to you? Who do I have to beat up? I’m a blackbelt in taekwondo, I can take him.”

Jonghyun scoffs at his friend's remarks. “First of all, you don’t have a blackbelt -”

“- I could still take him though -”

“And second of all, he didn’t do anything to me. Not anything we didn’t already have a conversation about. It’s me that's being weird about it,” he confesses.

“What do you mean by that?” Minki asks him slowly.

Jonghyun grimaces. “It means I'm the one acting like a dumbass. I -” he sucks in a deep breath. “Our feelings — as far as I know — are mutual. He told me that he wants to be serious about this.” This earns a surprised look from Minki. His friend stares at him, mouth agape. Jonghyun in turn, looks down to his hands. His fingers are callous and rough, completely unlike the smoothness of Minhyun’s skin when they held hands last night. Jonghyun can’t tell if his fingers became like this from his guitar-playing or from working in a kitchen. All he remembers is how his fingers used to be bandaged a lot in the past. “And I feel the same way. But do I deserve that?”

“Jonghyun…”

“No, I’m serious. I couldn’t give him an answer when he asked me. He said he didn’t mind waiting but I feel guilty that he has to.”

“Does he make you happy?”

Jonghyun decides to answer honestly. “Yes. He does piss me off a lot of the time, though.” He finds himself chuckling at this. He really _was_ furious when he saw Minhyun’s face at first last night. “But he also makes me want to try giving us a chance.” 

And then Jonghyun freezes at his own words. He realises something; Minhyun has been making him want to try from the very beginning. From the very first time Jonghyun asked the vampire for his name to last night when he actually found it out, as they talked quietly, hidden under soft blankets and tired sighs. He's always been putting in effort and he doesn't really understand why.

Maybe, he was always drawn to Minhyun.

Maybe, he always felt like he could trust Minhyun.

Maybe, he too, felt a semblance of comfort.

“Then try,” Minki replies simply.

“I’m scared, though.”

“Oh, Jonghyun,” Minki says dramatically, placing a hand on Jonghyun’s shoulder, squeezing it lightly. “I’m telling you, he would be lucky to have you. At the _very_ least, it sounds like he cares.” Then, he takes his hand off, letting it fall limply to his side. “If he does anything to you though, I’d still kick his ass,” he says with a playful wink.

Jonghyun laughs. “I bet you could. You’ve been working out lately, right?”

“Yup,” his friend replies, lifting his arm into the air, flexing. “Whoever this man is, I can take him.”

It’s raining heavily when Jonghyun can finally leave. It vaguely reminds him of the old days at his parents’ house, when he had nothing but childhood dreams that he would later find out meant only that: dreams. He changes out of his uniform and back into the clothes he wore in the morning. It’s only when he stands in front of the staff exit does he realise that he doesn't have his umbrella.

Jonghyun lets out a breath, bowing his head in defeat. The weather forecast today didn't say anything about rain, but he shouldn’t be that surprised; showers in mid-July have been nothing but a staple these past couple of years. Back then when it was raining, he would have to run in the shower to the nearest bus stop with his school bag over his head. _Maybe it's out of old habit,_ he thinks.

Bracing himself to being drenched. Jonghyun opens it quickly only to be greeted by a familiar set of eyes.

“You!” Jonghyun says, jumping backwards. “You scared me.” 

Minhyun chuckles, lowering his awkwardly clenched hand that he must have wanted to knock the door with. “Sorry, I should have called or texted you but I was kind of preoccupied.” He smiles and it’s only then does Jonghyun realise that Minhyun is still standing outside, umbrella in hand.

Jonghyun whispers, “Do you need to be invited in here, too? Should I get Minki? It’s under his name.”

What he didn’t expect was a wholehearted laugh from the vampire in front of him. “No,” he says. “If I did then I wouldn’t be able to go anywhere. That just works for homes.” He pauses. “I’m standing outside because I wasn’t sure if this is okay.”

He frowns. “Why wouldn’t it -”

“Jonghyun,” a voice behind him calls. “Who’s this?”

He instantly cringes.

Minki makes his way to them, wiping his hands on the apron tied at his waist. Jonghyun has thought before that Minhyun’s eyes can turn cold and scary but nothing can compare to the staredown Minki is giving Minhyun. His eyes glaze over him, observing even the most miniscule hitches in Minhyun’s palpitations. “Come in. You’ll catch a cold,” he says curtly.

“I wouldn’t be intruding?” Minhyun asks politely, though Jonghyun can see that he clearly wants to leave. And if Jonghyun can see it then Minki definitely can too. Jonghyun shifts his focus to Minki and there it is: that familiar mischievous spark.

“No,” Minki smiles. “Besides, any friend of Jonghyun's is a friend of mine.”

Jonghyun has no idea where this is going but he doesn’t want to find out either. So, the words rush out of his mouth. “Minhyun was just coming to pick me up. We were leaving anyway. It’s fine-”

“Ah. So that’s his name,” Minki ponders loudly. He looks down, eyeing the ring in Minhyun’s finger, a ring that is identical to the one his friend wears. “Hm. Okay, your shift is over anyway…” He doesn’t say the rest but one look to his face, Jonghyun can tell what he means. _You better tell me about all of this later._

“Alright. Bye!” Jonghyun says as he grabs Minhyun’s arm and effectively drags him out of Minki’s vicinity as fast as he can.

They walk through the alleyway and down towards the streets, from the cramped space of the walls to the cramped bustling of the people walking past them. It’s a weekend so it’s all crowded and claustrophobic despite the distances between umbrellas. But Jonghyun is grateful for one person’s close proximity. He turns to look up at the vampire who is keeping his view straight ahead.

“That was weird,” Minhyun comments, which earns a small laugh from the man beside him.

“His name is Minki. He’s the best friend I told you about.”

“Ah.” Minhyun nods in acknowledgement. “He seems fun.”

“He’s just surprised that you aren’t over fifty years old.”

“Technically, I am.”

“We get it, _old man_.”

They reach Minhyun’s car and Jonghyun realises that he doesn’t know where they’re headed but he also doesn’t think he minds too much anyway. The city really does look gloomy when it rains like this. The storm only brings out the ugliest parts of the already unforgiving people. As they drive, rain showering heavily on the roof of the car, Jonghyun notices how the roads and turns they’re taking look familiar. He’s walked these paths before, and he has done so quite recently too.

“Is this the part where you kill me?” he asks.

The vampire chuckles. “No, this is the part where I take you to dinner. Aren’t you hungry? I hope you like sushi.”

“Hm… yeah, I do. But nowhere fancy, please.”

“Why not?” Minhyun asks.

“Because I don’t know if I can ever pay you back.”

Minhyun frowns but nods nonetheless. “You don’t have to but, okay.”

Minhyun doesn’t say anything more after that so Jonghyun sits back on the passenger’s seat, eyes trained on the vampire beside him. Minhyun really is the most beautiful person he’s ever seen. Jonghyun wonders if he looked like that as a human or if it’s just one of his mystical vampire powers that's making everything he sees rose-tinted. He’d like to think it’s the latter. It would make it a lot more fair if that is the reason why Minhyun doesn’t have a face that’s easy to forget. All of his features are so defined: a high nose, pouty lips and fox-like eyes that sometimes have a certain gleam to them. Jonghyun has never really seen someone who looks like that in real life. And then a thought occurs to him.

“What made you want to try this anyway?” He does feel insecure when he thinks about it. Minhyun is over a thousand years old, with experience spanning hundreds of lifetimes. Why would he be interested in a human? Why would he be interested in someone like Jonghyun, someone who has essentially always been nobody? If Minhyun had seen him on the street on a normal day — before the attack happened — Jonghyun doubts the vampire would have ever spared him a second glance. Maybe what Jonghyun is looking for is a little assurance from him.

Minhyun laughs. “First of all, you never left me alone. Even when I was practically begging you to,” he says, a teasing lilt to his voice.

Jonghyun furrows his eyebrows but jokes with him still. “Ah. So, you’re being forced into this?”

“No, I didn’t say that.” A hand leaves the steering wheel and makes its way to Jonghyun’s thigh, giving it a light squeeze. “You’re my taste.”

But before Jonghyun can even think about how his face heats up from those words, Minhyun suddenly stops the car. Jonghyun watches the way Minhyun’s grip on the steering wheel tightens, the way his jaw clenches. Something about this makes Jonghyun feel a little uneasy, the pit of his stomach is starting to churn uncomfortably, swallowing everything up whole like a void. They’ve stopped near the library, a few blocks away from Minhyun’s workplace. And Jonghyun finally realises that the _jajangmyeon_ place they ate at only a few weeks ago is right in front of them, but he couldn’t have possibly realised at first glance because it’s surrounded by police cars and an ambulance. Jonghyun turns to look at him only to see the vampire’s eyes widen in shock. And it scares him because he’s never really seen this kind of pure terror in Minhyun’s face before and this sends shivers down his spine. A fear he doesn’t understand.

He doesn’t know why he does it but he unlocks the door and runs straight out to the commotion. Minhyun is calling his name but he ignores it, the sound of the rain drowns it out anyway, along with the guilt he knows is starting to take root at his feet. 

There are police tapes marking the scene of the crime and passersby are told to leave but he can’t — the roots have already taken control. He continues to stare at the scene in front of him. Blood is spattered on the ground and is being washed away by the storm that descends upon them. The paramedics are zipping up the victim’s body into the bag but Jonghyun already knows who it is and how he died, he saw it right before the face was covered.

The victim is the friendly owner he saw only a few weeks ago. He had waved at them kindly and graciously invited them to eat at his restaurant.

And the cause of death is clear as day. It's something Jonghyun knows all too well: an “animal” bite to the neck.

  
Jonghyun instinctively grips his own neck only to feel nothing, but he doesn’t feel relief. The breath that leaves his throat comes out shaky. He feels a hand slowly cover the one that is limply by his side but he doesn’t need to turn to know that it’s Minhyun. He belatedly realises that his fingers are trembling because Minhyun holds him tighter. The feel of his skin only makes Jonghyun colder. He can hear the _thumps_ in his chest grow fainter too, like he might actually just freeze to death from the touch of a cold man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> funfact: "1004" is pronounced the same was as "angel" is in korean meaning 천사. (yes i will simp for minhyun at any given moment.)  
> also, the lyrics featured here are from daybreak!
> 
> as usual, thank you to [candy_bong](https://archiveofourown.org/users/candy_bong) for helping me out <3
> 
> after next week's chapter i will be taking a hiatus. i've been very busy lately and trying to put out weekly chapters can't be a priority for me anymore even though i write them in advance.
> 
> see yall next week!


	10. don't fall for monsters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Minhyun-ah,” Jonghyun finally says.
> 
> “Yes?” the vampire replies. Again, he’s calm. He’s too calm. Minhyun’s composure isn’t comforting at all anymore.
> 
> He sucks in a deep breath. “Last night,” he pauses before letting out a shaky breath, “You said there was more that you needed to tell me. What was it?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw: gore

There is a storm brewing inside of Jonghyun’s chest and he can’t tame it. It’s wild, crazed and violent — the way it makes him tremble in nothing short of _fear._ He doesn’t remember how but they end up back in the car, parked in a deserted car park, far away from everyone else as the rain drowns the city in front of them. It’s so loud, the thunder occasionally roaring as the lightning splits the sky in half. He can’t stop panting. It’s like he can’t seem to breathe anymore, all the air in his lungs was sucked out just as he saw the lifeless body with a wound that was too familiar in front of him. It was weird seeing it happen again. Have things like this always occurred but Jonghyun is the one who never noticed? Suddenly, he is all too aware of monsters of the night. Suddenly, death is all he can see.

But the strangest thing of all of this is the fact that Minhyun seems mostly unfazed by the scene that unfolded before them. Sure, he’s a vampire so he must have seen deaths like this more times than he can count but the vampire’s placidness is strange in the sense that he seems completely unsurprised by all of this — like he knew it would happen.

“Minhyun- _ah_ ,” Jonghyun finally says.

“Yes?” the vampire replies. Again, he’s calm. He’s too calm. Minhyun’s composure isn’t comforting at all anymore.

He heaves in deep. “Last night,” he pauses before letting out a shaky breath, “You said there was more that you needed to tell me. What was it?”

The vampire turns to him but Jonghyun doesn’t meet his gaze — he keeps his eyes locked on the fists clenched on his lap. He refuses to look at him. And if Minhyun notices, he doesn’t comment on it, instead he says, “Seongwu.”

A shiver runs down Jonghyun’s spine as soon as he hears the name. “What about Seongwu?”

The air is thick and uncomfortable around them, the easy feeling they had between them since last night is completely gone now and instead, it’s replaced with something heavy. It’s weighing down on the both of them. And despite the cold of the rain, Jonghyun finds himself sweating. 

Minhyun shifts in his seat and reaches out to place a hand on Jonghyun’s but the human instantly flinches at the contact, prompting him to bring his hand back. “I’m sorry,” Minhyun whispers.

“Answer the damn question, Minhyun,” he hisses. And then Jonghyun winces. He didn’t mean for the bite in his voice, but it came out that way before he could stop himself.

“Okay,” Minhyun says quietly. He turns away from Jonghyun and stares at the rain outside, the cityline only barely shines through the downpour. “He’s back.”

“I thought you said he was long gone -”

“That’s what I was trying to tell you: he _was._ But now he’s back.” Jonghyun hears a sigh being let out beside him and he looks to see that Minhyun has his face buried in his hands. His body is trembling, and Jonghyun feels the urge to reach out a hand to soothe him, but he doesn’t, not when he still can’t make sense of the words. _What the hell is going on?_

“And what does that have anything to do with this? Minhyun, when we -” he lets out a frustrated breath. Minhyun is too nonchalant about this and it makes the panic in Jonghyun stir. He continues, his voice raising as he forces the words out. “When we were there, just now, and we saw that _ahjussi_ , your face - you. You didn’t seem surprised at all. You were _angry._ But it’s like you expected it.”

Minhyun lifts his head and turns to Jonghyun, their eyes lock. “I told you. He’s back.” Before the human can protest, he says all too calmly. “He’s playing with me. That girl, Kang Dami, died a few days after you were attacked.” Jonghyun jogs his own memory. The article that he clicked on so long ago only to find that nothing was there. He felt like he was going insane. “And the one we heard about on the radio when we had dinner together. And then the other girl who died right after I sent you home that same night.” Jonghyun didn’t know about the last one. “He knew that I would be listening, that I would be watching, that I would be paying attention. So, he wanted to leave me a message. Because he’s sick.”

“What message?” Jonghyun finds himself asking.

“What -”

“What message, Minhyun?”

“He knew what was coming up: the anniversary of Yaebin’s death. He - he’s always hated her. The girls that died — the girls that he _killed_ — all spell out one name: Kang Yaebin.”

If Jonghyun thought he couldn’t breathe before, he suddenly feels suffocated. His heart clenches and his chest constraints so hard he swears it’s putting so much pressure on his lungs that he might just pass out. _What the fuck?_

“He knew all of it. I don’t know why he’s only decided to come back now. I’ve tried to track him down for decades but I couldn’t. So I gave up. And then he shows up and I just - Jonghyun, I’m so sorry.” Minhyun sounds so helpless. The confidence that usually surrounds him has completely deflated. And that’s terrifying to Jonghyun.

But then he catches up to Minhyun’s words and now he’s even more shaken.

“But what does that have to do with this? What does that have to do with _me?_ Minhyun _-ah_ , why are you apologising?”

“Because he’s trying to get to me. He might find out about you, about _us._ ” 

Jonghyun frowns. His mind is racing at all the implications of Minhyun’s words. And there is only one conclusion he can draw: he’s scared. “The _ahjussi_ who died… do you mean Seongwu found out about him too?” Minhyun stares at him, expression blank and it does nothing but confirm Jonghyun’s suspicion. “Then,” he starts, hearing his own voice get a little panicky. “If he finds out about me -”

“He’s going to kill you.”

“No, he won’t.” The words tumble out of his mouth.

“Jonghyun -”

“He won’t. Not immediately.” His heart is beating so loudly, this is what thunders in his ears, not the rainstorm outside. “You told me that he targeted the person you loved the most. That’s what he’ll do to me,” his voice starts to tremble again and his eyes start to prick. “He’s going to kill the people _I_ love. Minhyun, he’s going to go after my family isn’t he? He might kill Minki and Aaron _-hyung,_ won’t he?” 

Minhyun stays silent. And Jonghyun screams at him.

“MINHYUN, SAY SOMETHING!”

But he doesn’t.

So, Jonghyun says all the words instead.

“How could you come to my home last night after knowing all of this and tell me that you wanted to be with me? How could you withhold _vital_ information like this?”

“I wanted to tell you but -”

“But you didn’t! Why does it take someone dying for you to _say something?_ And you still aren’t saying anything! This isn’t the time for you to be mysterious.”

Minhyun snaps. “What do you want me to say?!”

“Anything! Just say anything! Something that would help — that would comfort me because my mind is going at a mile a minute right now and I don’t understand anything. I’m _freaking out_ , Minhyun. Did you think I could handle all of this?”

“I thought that _I_ could -”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“I thought I could protect you -”

“Like how you protected Yaebin?” Instantly, Jonghyun regrets it.

Minhyun’s eyes turn cold on him. Jonghyun is taken back to that night of vicious attacks, piercing gazes and a sweet nickname said by a warm voice in his ear. But there is no warmth in the vampire’s voice as he spits out the words, “How dare you?”

But something in Jonghyun is telling him that he shouldn’t back down. He has the right to be angry, too. His heart quickens its pace. He glances back to his clenched fists, his knuckles are white with rage, he can feel his fingers digging into his own skin. Everywhere around his body feels so hot, except for the jade ring that fits snugly on his finger. Jonghyun lets out a breath.

“The night you saved me,” he starts, raising his eyes to meet Minhyun’s gaze, “You told me that you could make me forget.” His words come out a whisper.

The vampire’s eyes soften and Jonghyun wonders if it’s possible for him to turn even paler. “I did say that.”

“Can you make me forget?” Jonghyun asks, voice small.

“Is that - is that what you want?”

“Yes,” he starts. “No. I - I don't know.”

“Jonghyun -”

“I want to forget… if it means that the fear stops. If it means that I could forget about all the pain. Sometimes I wish that I wouldn't have nightmares about it anymore. That I could be blissfully unaware of the bad things that happened that night, the fear I feel now… you,” he adds after a thought and he sees how Minhyun’s eyes change again — they start to turn glassy. “But that's only one part of me.”

“And the other?” Minhyun asks slowly, nervously.

“And the other part of me can’t bear the thought of not knowing you,” Jonghyun admits. “Sometimes, I feel like I was meant to.”

“Jonghyun -”

He shakes his head. “But none of that matters anymore. I’m going now,” Jonghyun quickly says, unlocking the door.

He’s about to step out when a cold hand grips his arm. “Jonghyun, wait.” His ears must be deceiving him because Jonghyun hears a hint of desperation in Minhyun’s voice.

“Let me go, Minhyun.”

“No.” The grip on his arm tightens. “I can’t just let you go like this. Not again. I made that mistake before.”

The corners of Jonghyun’s mouth fall. “You told me you were good at waiting, or did you lie about that, too?”

“We can still talk about this.”

“There’s nothing to talk about. I’ve made up my mind.” Jonghyun sighs. “You don’t have to wait, I’ll give you my answer now: I can’t be with you. Not when it endangers the people around me. I can’t pretend I’m okay. Whatever I feel for you is void when I’m scared that someone I know might get killed because of me. I can’t do that, Minhyun.” He finally meets the vampire’s gaze, willing his eyes to be as cold as he can make them. “So like I said: let me go.”

And Minhyun does.

***

Jonghyun lays on his bed and closes his eyes, trying his best to go to sleep. He’s had enough of this nightmare, he wishes he could just wake up — that life would go back to normal — but he knows that’s not possible anymore, he already knows too much. How could he be so stupid to think that it could all work out? That _they_ could work out? Nevermind whatever insecurities he might have, he completely overlooked the danger it could put everyone else in. He’s never felt more selfish in his life.

Maybe it would have been easier if that vampire did kill him on his birthday. Then Jonghyun would have never met Minhyun and then maybe he wouldn’t have dived head first into this world knowing that the man was a _vampire._ He said all those things to Minhyun but he’s far from innocent himself. What he said about Yaebin… it’s a line he knew he crossed as soon as he said it. He didn’t even mean it and he can’t get the look of hurt on Minhyun’s face out of his head. He said all that and still acted like the sole victim. It’s just like Minhyun said, he never left the vampire alone even when he clearly didn’t want to be associated with Jonghyun anymore. All that talk about how it was his choice to so and now, it’s also his choice to back out. He always had the option to leave and it’s made clear that Minhyun can never leave from the life of a vampire.

Jonghyun frowns. He really is the most selfish person he knows.

He turns over and buries his face into the pillow, breathing it in. He wishes he could just stop. The pillow smells awfully not like himself — it smells like vanilla, which is strange because Jonghyun is one who uses citrus shampoo and his fabric softener is rose scented. But he knows this smell, he’s unconsciously breathed it in many times before, it smells like Minhyun.

And before he can kick himself in the head any further, his phone rings.

A part of him hopes that it’s Minhyun but one glance at the caller ID tells him that it’s his best friend instead. He debates picking it up, he’s not in the mood to talk at all but he feels so alone.

He ends up accepting the call.

“Hello?” he says into the receiver, trying his best to sound as calm as possible.

“Jonghyun!” Minki’s voice booms from the other line. He’s starting to regret this now. “You’re going to have to tell me everything that happened! And speak up, you’re on loudspeaker.”

“Hey Jonghyun,” he hears Aaron say. _Great._

“Um,” he starts, “I’m really tired.” He yawns, trying to drive the lie home. “Can we do this another time -”

“I swear to god, Kim Jonghyun. Stop deflecting! I have been on my goddamn toes all day after I saw you leave with your whatever. Now tell us, did you guys finally decide to make it official?” Minki asks, his excitement barely contained. “By the way, that Minhyun guy is a catch. How the fuck did you guys end up meeting anyway?”

“Wait, Minhyun?” Aaron pipes up. “That name sounds familiar.”

“It’s a common name, babe.”

“No, but I heard that name recently.”

“Probably a customer then because again, it’s a common name.”

“Guys,” Jonghyun says, breaking into their private conversation. “I don’t really feel like talking right now.”

Detecting Jonghyun’s shift in tone, Minki speaks with a voice laced with concern. “Wait,” he says, “Did something happen after you left?” And it’s like Jonghyun can _hear_ the frown on his face. He’s disappointed Minki again.

“Nothing happened -”

“Bullshit!” Minki takes a deep breath, seemingly tired by how Jonghyun has been acting. “Jonghyun- _ah_ , you have to tell us when something is wrong, so that we can help fix it.”

“No offense, but you can’t fix this, Minki.”

“Stop being dramatic -”

“We broke up,” Jonghyun says simply. “For good. Probably.”

“Oh.” And then after a pause. “Are you okay?”

Jonghyun stays quiet for a few moments before he answers.

“No.” He realises too late that he’s crying. He can’t stop the tears now that they’ve fallen. His chest hurts so much and he’s sure his eyes will be swollen after this. He feels terrible. Minhyun would have hugged him tight if he were here, hushing him with a gentle voice, a hand combing through his hair as the other wipes his tear streaked cheeks. But he’s not here and Jonghyun misses him. “No, I’m not okay.”

“Okay, stay there,” Minki says. “We’re on our way.”

Jonghyun hears a click, signalling that the call has ended. He sighs. He should get up to wash his face but he can’t seem to move his body. He’s never felt this hurt before and he doesn’t know what it is that’s making the pain shoot up his body. Is it the fact that he feels guilty for blowing up at Minhyun? Is it the fact that Minhyun didn't actually tell him all he needed to know? Is it the fact that he decided to leave? Is it the fact that despite all of that, he misses Minhyun so much?

He hates this. He hates _feeling_ like this.

Some time later, the doorbell rings and he doesn't need to check the peephole to know that it’s his friends. He forces himself to get up and head straight for the door. When he opens it, he's met face-to-face with chicken and beer. 

Minki lowers the box. “We thought you might be hungry.”

As if on queue, Jonghyun’s stomach growls, much to the amusement of Aaron. 

“This _isn’t_ coming out of your paycheck, by the way,” his _hyung_ says as he steps into the apartment and takes off his shoes and hangs his jacket on the hook by the door like he has done so many times before.

And despite everything, Jonghyun finds himself laughing. “Wow. What did I ever do in a past life to deserve such a kind boss?” He closes the door behind them.

“Probably saved a country or something.” Aaron sits on the floor, beer still in hand as Minki joins him, carefully placing the boxes of fried chicken in front of them.

Jonghyun just watches them, still standing by the door. This only earns an eyebrow that shoots up on Minki’s face.

“Earth to Jonghyun, your stomach says that you’re hungry. We have graciously brought you sustenance. Please be grateful.”

He joins them on the floor, grabs a piece of chicken and just starts eating. God, he didn’t even realise how hungry he had been the whole time but then again, he hadn’t eaten anything earlier. Their dinner plans were cut short. Jonghyun doesn’t know what he would have done if Aaron and Minki didn’t show up. Eating like this vaguely reminds him of how he would have chicken and beer on a semi-clean floor at either his or Minki’s dorm room back in university, before either of them had met Aaron. It really was just the two of them and Jonghyun can’t help but feel grateful that of all friendships he managed to forge, this one really stuck. Minki is the reason why he got a job that he actually liked. The pay isn’t that great but Aaron is really the kindest boss he’s ever had so he can’t really complain about it all. But now that he watches the two boyfriends huddled up together as they share a can of beer while teasing and snickering at an inside joke that he wouldn’t even be able to understand, Jonghyun can’t help but feel like he’s somehow third-wheeling in his own home. How does that ever happen?

Somewhere in the middle of all of this, Aaron grabs the TV remote and starts channel surfing.

“God,” Aaron says, “Isn’t there _anything_ interesting on TV?” He frowns as he continues flicking through the same channels as if something would change, before he ends up settling on a random channel, muting it now out of annoyance.

“ _Hyung,_ we’re here to cheer Jonghyun up and all you’re worried about is the goddamn TV?” Minki asks before stuffing his face with another drumstick.

Jonghyun sighs. “I’m fine now,” he says only to be given unconvincing looks by his friends in return. “No, really. It’s like you said; I was being dramatic. I’m gonna get over it.”

“Jonghyun- _ah,_ ” Minki says in the gentlest voice Jonghyun has heard him speak in in a very long time. He can’t remember when was the last time he heard this tone. Was it when Minki fessed up about his feelings for their _hyung?_ “No offense to you, or anything but… this is the most heartbroken I’ve seen you. Like… ever,” he whispers before he hands Jonghyun a paper towel. 

And then it hits him that he started tearing up again.

Jonghyun quickly wipes his eyes and cheeks, trying his best to force the tears to stop. But just like before, once they start, they just can’t seem to stop. Minki scoots over and lightly pats his back without saying a word. They stay like that for a while — in quiet understanding of what it means to get one’s heart broken. It’s the worst feeling in the world.

“I know it is,” Minki suddenly says. And Jonghyun realises that he must have said it out loud. “Jonghyun, I know.”

“I hate this. This feeling… even though I’m the one who ended it and I only saw him a few hours ago but I miss him. I missed him as soon as I left. And I hate this. I hate that he’s not here.”

“Shh…”

“Minki, it’s my fault -”

“It’s not, Jonghyun -”

“It is. I said horrible things to him and drew my own conclusions. But I thought that ending it would make everything better. It was the option that would hurt the least amount of people but I feel like I’m gonna throw up. It doesn’t even make any sense that I feel this sick, Minki.” He probably sounds hysterical by now but he hardly cares. His heart really does ache and hurt like it has never done before and he doesn’t understand why. Why does it feel like a piece of himself was just ripped away from him?

“Jonghyun- _ah,_ ” Aaron suddenly says in a low voice. “Heartache is a sickness too, you know. And it’ll pass. Just like any other sickness. It hurts but you’ll be fine again.”

Jonghyun stares at him, trying to make sense of the words. His mind understands it perfectly, but it’s his heart that won’t budge. Rationally, he knows that Aaron’s words are true but it hurts so much. “ _Hyung…_ ” is all he can manage to say.

“You can thank me later.”

“No, I was going to say that that was corny as hell.” Jonghyun bursts into laughter and he’s quickly joined by Minki. Aaron looks at them, incredulous at the sudden outburst from his two companions and his face is starting to get more and more red as their laughter turns into cackles. This only seems to add to their amusement.

Minki wipes the tears away from his eyes. “ _Hyung,_ if you were so sweet with words, how come you’ve never said anything like that with me? You never sweet talked me.”

Aaron scoffs. “Because I never needed to. You would have kicked my ass if I did something like that back then. Besides, you were always going to fall for me anyway. It’s a stroke of fate.”

But this only makes his boyfriend laugh harder. “Stop it!” He grips his sides before he topples over. “You’re killing me here, _hyung._ ”

“What? You don’t believe in fate? After three years together?” Aaron chuckles. “Minki- _yah_ , I can’t say I’m surprised…” he drifts off wistfully, looking off into the distance which in Jonghyun’s apartment means the succulent he has on his windowsill.

Minki pouts. “ _Hyung,_ you know damn well it doesn’t matter if fate is real or not when it comes to love. Sure, maybe fate made us cross paths but it’s our own hard work that made us stay together. If _this_ is real, then it’s real.”

“Oh my god,” he fake gasps, both of his hands on either side of his face in mock shock. “You _love_ me?”

“God, I can’t stand you,” his boyfriend rolls his eyes.

“Well, I can’t stand either of you,” Jonghyun butts in. “I just _knew_ I would end up third-wheeling in my own home. Do you know how much I suffer having to watch you two _be_ like this? I’m halfway to gagging.”

And the laughter and banter suddenly stops. The air in the room shifts as Minki and Aaron look at each other nervously before looking back to Jonghyun.

“Sorry…” Minki says slowly. “After what happened today, too.” He bites his lower lip, apprehensive. He must think that he’s rubbing it into his best friend's face which causes Jonghyun to vehemently shake his head.

“No, please don’t apologise,” Jonghyun quickly says but there’s not an ounce of reassurance in Minki’s face. “You guys made me feel better just now. It was funny. I was joking. Please, let’s not make this weird.”

“Hm…” Minki hums. And then something strange happens; Minki asks a question. Sure, his best friend loves to gossip but he doesn’t pry when it’s something Jonghyun clearly doesn’t want to talk about, which is why Jonghyun tenses up when Minki asks, “Why did you end it? I thought you said your feelings were mutual. And you seemed to really like him… a lot.”

“I -” Jonghyun starts before pausing. He can’t seem to find the words. Suddenly his throat dries, he feels like he had just gone walking through the desert, he can almost taste the sand on his tongue, too. He doesn’t know what to say. Maybe, he should just tell them the truth? But that would destroy everything he has built for the past five years. “I _do_ like him. Maybe I like him a little too much. And that’s the problem.”

“Why would that be a problem?”

“Because we could never work out!” Jonghyun answers, exasperated. In his head this all seems so obvious, but he can’t tell his friends _why._ Even the vagueness of his words fill him with guilt. They can _never_ know about who Minhyun is, about _what_ he is. Jonghyun has to protect whatever normal he has left. And his friends — his constants — they are his normal, Jonghyun has decided that.

But Minki’s face contorts into something like irritation. “How would you know when you chickened out before anything happened? What exactly happened today? You were on cloud nine as soon as you saw the guy walk through the door and then I called you up a few hours later and you’re holed up in your house, crying your eyes out? What the fuck happened?”

“Nothing -”

“How can nothing happen when you’re like this?” Minki frowns. “Jonghyun- _ah,_ I know why you feel like you can’t tell us how you feel -” Jonghyun freezes at his words. _Was I that obvious? How could Minki figure it out?_ “- but I _promise_ you, we won’t take advantage of your honesty. We’re your friends and we want to help you. We aren’t him -”

“Wait,” Jonghyun cuts him off, “Where the hell is this coming from?”

“Jonghyun -”

“Why would you bring that up?” He can feel his temper rising now. He stands up too, he just can’t bear sitting down when he feels this embarrassed. But he loses his balance at the quick movement, quickly grabbing a chair to stabilise himself. God, he wishes he was stable. That stability he felt only two months ago feels like a boundless reach now and there’s only one person to blame for that. He knows that Minki is just trying to understand the situation and the ambiguity of his words isn’t helping but he can’t help but feel pissed now. “How could you bring that piece of shit up?”

Minki lifts his hands up in defeat. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” But the frown on his friend’s face only deepens. “But Jonghyun, I’m worried. You really haven’t been yourself these days. You can tell us — you can tell _me._ ”

Jonghyun’s anger quickly deflates as he hears the sincerity in Minki’s voice. But he can’t. He really can’t do it. “Minki, I want to tell you. I do.” He sighs. “But it’s not my secret to tell. I can’t do that to him.”

Minki stares at him for a few beats before he nods. “Wow. You must really care about him.”

“I do,” Jonghyun whispers. “I really do.”

He sighs before sitting back down, pulling his knees to his chest, resting his chin on them. He focuses on the TV instead — Aaron really picked the most boring channel, it’s a marathon rerun of an old mystery drama that aired two years ago. They say nothing for a while, too. Instead, they eat quietly, no more fits of giggles or heated arguments, now it’s all the low hums of the TV that act like white noise in his head. He tries to navigate through all of it, trying to come to a thought that would make himself feel better. But there’s only one conclusion he can draw from all of this.

So he says it.

“Do you think I’m in love with him?” It’s a question directed more to himself than anyone else in the room but Minki and Aaron’s heads quickly turn towards him, sympathetic looks on their faces. But Jonghyun can’t stand it anymore. He hates being pitied like this. So he turns to look at his feet instead. “That doesn’t matter anymore though. None of it does.”

“Jonghyun -” Aaron starts to say before he’s quickly cut off.

“Can we please change the channel, _hyung?_ ” Jonghyun says, his voice barely a whisper.

“Okay.”

Aaron grabs the remote and changes the channel.

“Holy fuck.” Jonghyun hears Minki say before he lifts his head to see what the commotion was all about.

Jonghyun really is living in a nightmare. On the television, there is a familiar face and a headline that catches his eye — a headline that’s all too familiar as well. He had seen something like it a few days after all of this began.

**MAN (IN 40’S) MURDERED IN HIS OWN RESTAURANT, LIMBS TORN APART, BODY COVERED IN BITES.**

He had thought that Minhyun doesn’t have the option to leave the life of a vampire but perhaps Jonghyun never had the option either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was so hard to write. poor jonghyun :(
> 
> thank you [candy_bong](https://archiveofourown.org/users/candy_bong) for beta reading again
> 
> i'm so sorry that i have to end it here for now but i've decided to take another hiatus. i've been really busy with school and real life, i havent had much time to invest my all into this. trying to put out weekly chapters is just proving to be difficult for me right now. there's still so much more about the story that i want to tell, this fic is still my baby and i'll come back recharged whenever that will be. 
> 
> so until then, take care loves <3


	11. only fragments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something was lost back then, something important. The song the boy played resonates inside him still, like a pulse, beating with his heart as one. He can’t seem to get it out of his head. He just knows that now, he might be pushed to tears if he thinks about it more deeply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: mention of starvation

_Clouds are starting to take form in the night sky which tells him that a storm is approaching and he has to get out of here as fast as he can. The only source of light is the moon above him, rays peeping through the leaves of the trees that rustle in the wind. The night is almost still if it weren’t for the speed in which the man is running — if a passerby saw, he would only blink to miss it._

_He runs and runs, mind racing as fast as his feet can take him, but then he misses a step, trips on a stone and slams into a nearby tree._

_He killed her._

_The man heaves and forces his feet that were numb in shock and guilt to move. Eventually, they listen to him, and he trudges through the forest._

_He killed her._

“You…” a voice echoes in his head, “As long as you’re alive, I’m happy.”

But I’m not alive anymore, _he wants to say._

_At least, he’s sure he died. He doesn’t remember much of what happened after the shaman slit his wrists and let him bleed out even as his body, tied down, was writhing in pain. Everything feels so dull and so acute at the same time._

_He raises his hands to inspect his wrists in the darkness. Though the blood is still fresh and they almost glisten under the glow of the moon, his cuts have completely healed._

“This is all for the spell,” the witch had told him.

_He killed her._

_And he gladly accepted it like an idiot._

_He’s sure he’s alive. It feels like he is. But it also doesn’t feel like his heart is beating right now. Something has changed._

_He killed her._

_Everything feels so_ loud _but he doesn’t understand why. All he knows is that he can’t stop seeing ahead in the pitch blackness around him now that clouds have covered the moon, he can’t stop hearing even the slightest movements and rustling of what is likely to be frogs in the bushes near the pond, he killed her, he can’t stop the feeling of hunger in his stomach that’s burning his entire body._

_His body hurts._

_His mouth hurts._

_His eyes hurt._

_Everything hurts._

_And his heart — he’s not even sure if there’s a heart beating inside of him. He killed her. Every time he places a hand over his chest, he hardly feels the soft thumps there. He wonders if it’s a figment of his imagination. Has he gone mad?_

_The ring on his finger is warm against his skin, but when he touched it the day before, it felt like ice._

_He killed her._

_She’s dead._

_He’s dead._

“Minhyun _-ssi?_ ” a voice says.

And Minhyun looks up from the cup of tea he had been holding — he was waiting for the tea to cool to a nice drinking temperature. It’s completely cold now.

Dongho stares at him, eyes laced with concern. He hates receiving pity.

Because Minhyun is perfectly fine. 

“How have you been?” Dongho asks, crossing his legs on the sofa in front of him.

“Ecstatic.”

Dongho sighs. “We can’t get anywhere if you keep avoiding the problem like this.”

Against better judgement, a chuckle escapes him. “I’ve been told the same thing recently, actually. It was a bit of a blow to my pride. But I guess that was the problem.”

His doctor looks at him quizzically, prompting him to continue with his sudden monologue.

“I told you about him last time, the human I was interested in. Jonghyun. I tried following your advice, by the way, about how I can’t possibly force myself to suffer throughout my life. But now I’m thinking that I probably can… and I probably should,” he adds.

“Minhyun -”

“I like him a lot. I’ve liked him since the moment I first laid my eyes on him, and I’ve lied to him for just as long.” Minhyun locks his eyes on the man in front of him and says, unflinchingly, “I feel like… all my rational thought just leaves my head when I see him. And all that’s left is that I want him but I don’t deserve him.”

“Minhyun,” Dongho says, voice a little weary, “I didn’t say that for you to reach this conclusion. I said that because you deserve to be happy, Minhyun. But it’ll be hard for you. I know you of all people would hold a lot of guilt inside of you -”

“Aren’t I a coward?”

“Sometimes even loving someone sincerely is an act of bravery, Minhyun.”

He freezes. “Who said anything about love?”

“Well, you were the one telling me that you -”

“Not that it matters anyway because everything I do, I just end up ruining it. I don’t mean to, but I can’t seem to make it stop.”

“Make what stop?” Dongho asks.

Minhyun is quiet for a few beats before he answers. “I wasn’t planning for any of this to happen — it was supposed to be a one-off thing — but that’s the thing about plans right? They never go accordingly. And I can’t change the way I feel about him anymore. I don’t think I ever will, not that I actually want to anyway. I just…” he trails off before taking a deep breath. “I killed all those people, and I let all those people die at the hands of someone I called a friend, just so I wouldn’t be alone. And I killed her. And I led Jonghyun here. It’s like I lured him into a trap but none of us can escape.”

Dongho frowns. “Minhyun, from what I can see, you’re directing your guilt of something else, towards your guilt here, right now. Some of these situations are out of our control. And we can’t do anything about the past hurting because -”

“Time doesn’t heal, Doctor,” the vampire cuts him off. “I would know. I, of all people, would damn well know. Time doesn’t heal. Because when you break and weather down, pieces of who you were are forever lost. All I have is what’s left of me that’s survived, what numbness has let me keep.” He feels a pain in his chest, somehow it all feels suffocating. Minhyun sets the cup down, not taking a single sip.

“That’s true.” And Minhyun looks up at this, a little shocked that he’s being agreed with. “For most people, it just doesn’t heal. It never does. The only thing that changes is getting used to the pain,” Dongho says. “But like you said, what you are now is the you who survived. So who are you, Minhyun?”

A beat.

“Do you want to know why I started coming here in the first place?” He doesn’t wait for Dongho to answer. “It’s because everything was so loud. There’s constant noise in my head that I can’t seem to ever sort out. I have a great memory, you know? I can remember everything that’s happened to me for the most part but sometimes I can’t seem to discern memory from nightmare. Sometimes, there are blurs. I dream about my past so often that I can’t tell what’s real and what isn’t anymore. And that was happening for a while but then it started to spill into now. Sometimes, I would walk down the street and see my sister under a streetlight. Sometimes, I’m alone at home and I hear that ring from a telephone I no longer have. Sometimes, I wake up and feel the ghost of a hand on mine.” His breaths come out heavy as he continues, his fist clenched. “And it wasn’t doing me well at all, the ways that I used to cope with what I have just was not working for me anymore.”

“What did you used to do?”

“I would write.” He smiles, insincere, leaning back on the chair. “I try to do it still but it seems I’ve hit a block. So, to compensate I started working instead. I thought being surrounded by books might ignite some new inspiration in me.” Minhyun laughs, he’s tired of himself now. “It’s not the worst thing I’ve done to deal with existing, though.

“At one point, I starved myself.” Dongho stares at him, brows furrowed, and he tilts his head in confusion. “It happened maybe a little over two hundred years ago? I felt guilty about something that I had done, about someone I had killed. So, I tried to starve myself. You see, vampires don’t die out of lack of food. It’s much worse than that. If we don’t eat, we desiccate. We become a living corpse. I had locked myself away to the point where my skin turned grey. The outer parts of me were dying.”

“Minhyun -”

“And the hunger. God, the hunger was the worst I had ever felt. It was like needles being pricked all over your body except it was amplified, dialed up to eleven. It was excruciating. And I wasn’t even in my right mind anymore. So, I killed all of them.”

“Them?”

“It was a whole village of people.” Minhyun watches Dongho’s eyebrows shoot up in shock before he quickly composes himself. “I think Seongwu enjoyed seeing me like that.” Minhyun closes his eyes and remembers the face of his friend who had that wild grin as he watched Minhyun tear a whole village apart. The violence of the night that made the rivers flow red. Minhyun remembers everything.

“But what happened after?”

He opens his eyes. “Pardon?”

“How did you stop then?”

“It was Yaebin who managed to force some sense into me.” He thinks back to arms holding him tight while he was shaking, face and body drenched in blood. “It’s not really a memory I’m fond of visiting.”

“You talk about Yaebin a lot,” Dongho notes. “She was really important to you, wasn’t she?”

“She _is._ ” Minhyun directs his focus to his hands. These hands that have killed far more times than they have healed. He wipes them on his slacks. “But do you know what’s funny? She taught me a lot.”

“Go on…” Dongho draws out the words.

“You see, I was supposed to be her mentor. I turned her. She learned everything about being a vampire from me. But I think it was her that was teaching me the whole time.” He smiles. “I think she was teaching me to be more human, to keep my humanity intact. I’ve always felt a connection to her. She’s like my sister.”

He listens to the scratching of Dongho’s pen as the doctor writes on his pad. It’s far too loud to Minhyun’s ears, grating and rough, like nails being dragged on a blackboard. There’s a clock ticking on the wall and Minhyun hates it too. The _ticks_ are so deafening, almost like cracks of thunder during a tempest. Even from outside, he can hear the sounds of the cars on the road, tyres screeching against the pavement as they come to a halt. It’s all so loud, he wishes for all of it to just stop.

“Min- _ah,_ ” Minhyun hears and he knows this voice. It sends a chill down his spine. He quickly lifts his eyes. Where his therapist is supposed to be seated is a familiar face instead. Golden eyes, three moles on one cheek, bared fangs.

Seongwu.

He stands up abruptly and knocks his knee on the table causing the cups to topple over, spilling the brown liquid on the surface and on the white carpet below it. The colour is seeped through, dark patches appearing on white. But he ignores it. His whole body is shaking, his breaths coming out sporadically, his hands balled into fists.

“Hwang Minhyun- _ssi?_ ”

He closes his eyes, blinking many times before he focuses his attention back on the man. Dongho is staring at him with wide eyes, clearly shocked at what he had just seen.

“Sorry, I -”

“It’s okay. What just happened?”

“I thought I saw something,” Minhyun answers slowly, taking his seat again, feeling thoroughly embarrassed this time. “Sorry, I’m just tired. I can pay for the dry cleaning.”

“Don’t worry about that.” Dongho sets his pen and pad down beside him and uncrosses his legs. He leans forward, elbows resting on his thighs and stares at the vampire, eyebrows furrowed, mouth in a straight line. “How often does that happen?”

“Sometimes, when I’m stressed mostly. I just… freeze up I guess. I’m really tired.”

“Why are you tired?”

“I haven’t been eating lately. I think I haven’t eaten in around… a week?” The last time he ate was the morning he left Jonghyun’s apartment. He frowns. It _has_ been a while.

“You should eat then. What’s been stopping you? Aren’t you agitated?” Minhyun knows that it’s Dongho’s job to understand him but he hates the feeling of being seen through.

“I am,” Minhyun whispers, “To both questions.”

“I just don’t want you to do anything dangerous -”

“I know. I don’t want to hurt other people, either.” 

Dongho sighs. “I meant so you won’t hurt yourself.”

There’s a simple reason why Minhyun has forgone with feeding lately: he just doesn’t feel hungry. It’s not like he’s attempting to starve himself either, he’ll eat when he feels like it. Whenever that is. 

As soon as he closes the door behind him, Minkyeung appears from the kitchen, somehow her pale face flushes red — as red as it can be for someone like them — in her anger.

“DO YOU KNOW HOW WORRIED I WAS THIS MORNING WHEN I SAW THAT YOU WERE GONE?” she yells at him. Yeah, he deserves this.

“Minkyeung- _ah_ -”

“I can’t even go outside to look for you because the sun is still up!” He finally notices how all the curtains in the room are drawn, not even a small crack of sunlight can peep through. “What the hell, _oppa?_ You didn’t even answer my calls, or reply to my texts!”

He frowns. “My phone died. Sorry, I forgot to charge it last night.”

“You forgot?” He nods and he sees her anger quickly subsiding. He’s not sure _why_ she suddenly deflates. Then again, she’s been walking on eggshells around him lately. It makes him feel a little sad. He probably did something wrong again. “Where did you go?”

“I had an appointment with my doctor today.”

“Why couldn’t you tell me that then?” she asks, her eyes glassy as she looks up at him. God, he hates himself right now. “I was so worried. You haven’t been eating and you haven’t gone to work lately either. And then you just disappeared on me.”

“I’m sorry.” He doesn’t know what else to say.

Minkyeung sniffles and rubs her nose with her hand. “By the way, I think they’re gonna fire you soon if you keep this up,” she suddenly jokes.

And despite everything, a small chuckle escapes him. “Yeah, probably.”

They both end up on the sofa, staring at the television in front of them but Minhyun knows that neither of them are focusing on what’s on it. Minkyeung inches closer to him and takes his arm to wrap around her shoulder, almost like she wants to be sure that he won’t suddenly vanish any time soon. She pulls her knees to her body and rests her head on his chest. They don’t say anything for a while, though he knows that whatever it is that’s bothering Minkyeung will be out in the open soon.

“ _Oppa,_ ” she suddenly says, turning her head and looking up at him from his chest, “Aren’t you hungry?”

“A little,” he replies.

“Then you should eat.”

“I will after this.”

“Okay.”

And then they’re quiet again. So he decides to break the silence this time.

“Minkyeung _-ah?_ ”

“Hm?” she hums in reply.

“Remember when you introduced me to your family?”

And then she laughs. It’s not a particularly good memory but maybe it’s funny in hindsight. She hadn’t come out to her family then and was already dead set on being with Yaebin forever. She was so sure of what she wanted but she knew that she couldn’t hurt them twice at the same time. Minhyun only agreed to pretend to be the man she wanted to elope with for her sake. She had announced that she plans on marrying him to her parents only to still be berated by her family for going for someone none of them knew — a complete stranger who was going to take their daughter away from them. She held his hand tightly then, when she cried with her head bowed low. And then they left her parents’ house together, cutting ties with the people inside, but at least they thought that she was going to marry a man she loved.

_No,_ Minhyun decides, _it’s not funny at all._

“What about it?” she asks.

“You look like your mother,” he says and he feels her freeze at his words. “You were an only child, weren’t you?”

She bites her lower lip before she answers. “Yeah. But again, what about it?”

“You must have loved them a lot.”

“I still do.” Minkyeung sighs. “When I’m not here, most of the time, I visit them,” she confesses.

This sticks in his ear. “You’ve been going to Chuncheon this whole time?” 

She shrugs like it’s nothing. “At first I was just watching them, you know? Sometimes, I’d leave them money where I know they would find it. They still live in the same neighbourhood, the same house. They’re so old now so I thought they must have forgotten about me. But, like, around four years ago, I saw my mother fall while she was walking home alone at night so I had to help her, you know? Her eyesight isn’t that good anymore so I thought she wouldn’t be able to recognise me anyway. But when she saw my face, it was almost like time stopped. She apologised to me though,” Minkyeung laughs and then in a higher pitched voice, animatedly, she says, “‘Ah! You’re so pretty. You look just like my little Minky.’ And I was like, ‘Phew!’” She laughs again, clapping her hands.

“She asked me once if I was married and I told her no, and I don’t know why I did it but I ended up telling her that I do have a girlfriend now,” she says, smiling. “I was expecting her to yell at me and tell me to get out, you know? But then she just nodded and said, ‘Ah, there are many people like you now. As long as you love her and are filial to your parents, you shouldn’t be ashamed.’” Minhyun sees the tears forming in her eyes and he quickly hands her the tissues from the coffee table. She wipes her eyes before continuing, “I was so shocked. And I ended up just crying then, too. I wondered if it would be different back then if I told her that I love women just as much as how I’m supposed to love men.” And then she shakes her head, laughing. “No, I definitely couldn’t tell them back then. Sometimes, when I’m at our house, that old woman would tell me stories about her daughter when she was still young. Stories that even _I_ don’t remember. It’s kind of weird isn’t it? Being a vampire, my memory of what has happened to me since has been intact, but everything before, from my childhood? I don’t really remember much of it but _she_ does.”

Minhyun stares at her. He can’t believe that he didn’t know about all of this.

“I’m gonna tell you something I’ve never told anyone before. Not even Yaebin,” he whispers and she looks at him long and hard before nodding, prompting him to continue. “I mentioned to you before that I had a sister, right?” 

She nods again.

“I grew up with my sister. She was only a few years older than me. But people hated her back then, always saying that she was plotting to kill me or get rid of me or something.”

“Why did they think that?” she asks, voice quiet.

“She wasn’t a legitimate child and I was the true heir. If I died, my father would have no choice but to add her to the line of succession,” he explains. “But throughout my whole life, she was the one who protected me. No one else had ever loved me like her, not even my father. But the craziest thing is, despite everything she’s done for me… I can’t remember what she looks like.”

Minkyeung’s eyes widen in shock, her mouth an ‘o’, her whole body stiff.

“Now, when I close my eyes and try to picture her face, I just… can’t remember. It comes up blank. Just nothing. Nothing at all. It’s a complete blur to me.” He shuts his eyes and tries to picture his sister and sees nothing again. Faceless. “So the reason why I keep so many pictures of Yaebin, and I take photos of you, is because I can’t bear to forget about that.”

She pulls him into a hug, cold arms wrapping around a cold body. “I’ll make sure you don’t forget. It’s all on my _Instagram_ account so if it’s on the internet, it’ll stay there forever.”

He laughs. “You never followed me back, by the way.”

Minkyeung lets go of him and stares at him dead in the eye. “What? What’s your username?”

“ _Optimushwang._ ”

And she bursts in laughter. “ _Oppa,_ what the fuck? You’re that account? I thought it was just some creep who kept commenting on my photos.”

The corners of his mouth fall. “And you never decided to check my account?”

“Why would I? Your username is _optimushwang._ ”

She takes out her phone and immediately sends him a follow request. He grabs his phone that was hooked on the charger and accepts it. And this opens the floodgates for her to scroll down his entire account like mad. He watches as she swipes down until it's the first photo he ever posted.

“Oh my god… remember when you bleached your hair? What the hell was that all about?” She laughs, a hand around her middle, like it was the funniest thing in the world.

He frowns deeper. He thought he looked rather good actually.

“Weren’t you going through a rockstar phase, too, or something?” She taps on one of the photos. It’s of his old guitar.

“It wasn’t a phase,” he says and she turns to look at him, a confused expression on her face. “It was a lifestyle,” he deadpans.

And she throws her head back in laughter.

* * *

_The note of the string is held for a long time before it finally breaks, filling the air around Jonghyun with a sense of melancholy. It’s cold so it must be around winter time, he deduces._

_This time, Jonghyun can open his eyes. He’s sitting on the wooden floor again but the figure in front of him isn’t a mere silhouette anymore._

_The musician is a young boy, maybe around twelve years old. He’s dressed in expensive silk robes and is quiet throughout his playing. Jonghyun can’t really see the boy’s face that well, his head is bowed low, completely focussed on the instrument — what Jonghyun now realises is a zither — in front of him. His brows furrowed and tongue jutting out of his mouth in concentration, the only word to describe it is_ endearing. _The boy who plays the instrument continues with his song and Jonghyun can feel himself welling up with inexplicable sadness. It almost makes him want to cry._

_And just when the boy strums the strings which causes the echoes of the music to reverberate throughout the room, he looks up and stares at Jonghyun expectantly._

_All the music has stopped._

_Jonghyun stares back at the boy, something about his face is so dear to him — those thin eyebrows that furrow themselves on his forehead in confusion, that curved shape of his lips that let out a small huff of indignation at Jonghyun’s silence, those slanted eyes that are piercing through him like Jonghyun holds the key to all the secrets of the universe inside of him. He’s only been looked at like that by one person._

_“Well?” the boy asks. “What do you think? I practiced really hard this time!” He grins at Jonghyun which makes a smile grow on his lips in return. The boy has stars in his eyes, too._

_He’s about to reply when black smoke rapidly covers the room and Jonghyun is blinded by the darkness. The smoke around him doesn’t have a smell nor does it burn his eyes or lungs. It doesn’t feel hot either, instead it feels quite warm. A good warmth, a warmth of familiarity, like he’s being hugged from all over._

_But he can’t stay in the black forever so he waves his hand, trying to push the smoke away and clear the path in front of him. Slowly but surely it does and Jonghyun finds himself in the living room of a house he’s never been in before. The walls of the room are panelled with dark wood, light fixtures rustic and classic, a crystal chandelier above his head. Jonghyun can hear humming and clattering from a room from next over. Someone must be in the kitchen. There’s a Christmas tree smack in the middle of the floor, right on top of the wool carpet. He’s sitting on a sofa now, Jonghyun just realises. It’s made from dark leather with a red throw blanket just draped on the side. In front of him is a coffee table made from what seems to be mahogany, newspapers thrown on it in neat chaos._

_Jonghyun picks up one of the newspapers and reads the date on top of it._

_26th December 1980._

_Before he can process it, he hears a doorbell ring and it echoes throughout the entire house and the humming ceases._

_“Can you get that for me? The roast beef might take a while,” a voice, from what Jonghyun assumes to be the kitchen, calls. “I think it might be Minkyeung.”_

_But Jonghyun knows this voice. Ever since he heard it the first time, he has never been able to get it out of his head. He stays in his seat, frozen in time, unsure of what to do and the doorbell continues to ring. Now, the clattering stops, too. He hears footsteps from the other room and it gets closer and closer and then, from the living room archway, comes in a man dressed in a black turtleneck sweater and blue jeans, his hair lighter and a little longer than Jonghyun has ever seen before._

_“Yah,” Minhyun says, “Answer the door.”_

Jonghyun wakes up panting.

_That was a dream, right?_

It felt far too real to be a mere dream, it felt like he was actually sitting there in both of those rooms, in both of those times, experiencing what he can only deem as memories. It makes him feel sad, and he can’t really explain why. Something was lost back then, something important. The song the boy played resonates inside him still, like a pulse, beating with his heart as one. He can’t seem to get it out of his head. He just knows that now, he might be pushed to tears if he thinks about it more deeply.

_Then,_ Jonghyun thinks, _was that little boy Minhyun? Was that house Minhyun’s?_

Wait.

Neither of those can possibly be true. Minhyun and he were both born in completely different times and lived wildly different lives. Maybe Jonghyun had missed him more than he thought he did and was more curious about the vampire’s past than he thought he was. His imagination was just running wild and his dreams were just trying to fulfill whatever bouts of confusion he had. And besides, didn’t he say that he had had enough? He said that he’s going to live normally now — without the added anxiety of a vampire lover — and that’s exactly what he plans to do.

It’s what he does when he gets up from his bed and makes his way to the bathroom. He washes his face and stares at the reflection in front of him.

No one would ever know that he was attacked two months ago. His wound healed completely by the fourth day, despite his feeling how deep the bite was, how he was quite literally losing his own life. He could have died that night if it weren’t for -

He stops in his tracks.

_No. It’s no use to think about it now._ Jonghyun hasn’t seen the other in three weeks and at this point he knows that he shouldn’t anyway. He ignores the way his heart still aches at the thought of the someone who visits him in his dreams. 

_No, stop it,_ he tells himself. He can’t afford to hurt any longer.

He gets dressed, not sparing another look at his reflection, and leaves his apartment.

It’s August. The heat of summer is now at its peak, the chill summer nights of two months ago are starting to turn something a little more stifling. He thought the winds might be changing but then he realises that it’s probably closer to say that they have stopped, staying completely still and unchanging the more he walks through the streets. He’s breathing the same air over and over again, and the thought of it is a little suffocating now.

Jonghyun finally reaches the supermarket. It’s not the closest one to his house but it _is_ the biggest in his area, he personally thinks it has the widest range of options to choose from, even if he always ends up buying the same thing. But, hey, it’s still nice. He gets a trolley and walks through the aisles, he thinks he’ll buy from the wet foods first and he makes his way to the meat and poultry section. It’s a little colder here, and he’s grateful he decided to wear a jacket out even though the outside world is so hot tonight. But just as he enters the aisle, he freezes. He can’t believe his eyes. He blinks a few times just to make sure that he’s not hallucinating but it’s true. It’s real.

On the other side, inspecting two different packets of meat in hand, is none other than the person he wants to see the least: Hwang Minhyun.

At first, what he feels is an ache. The fact that he sees Minhyun makes him realise how much he missed him. But he knows it’s wrong and then guilt fills his entire body instead, and Jonghyun ends up walking right to him, not knowing what he should be feeling or doing for that matter but he knows he wants to talk to him. The vampire doesn’t seem to register his presence until Jonghyun is right in front of him, his eyes widen in shock.

“Yah,” he almost whisper-yells, he tries for an angry approach. “What are you doing here?”

Minhyun blinks at him a few times before starting, “I -”

But Jonghyun cuts him off. “Are you stalking me?”

“What?” Minhyun stares at him, looking completely confused and now Jonghyun wonders if he’s fucked up again. “What are you talking about?”

But he can’t just admit defeat. “Why are you at _this_ supermarket? It’s not anywhere near your house? It’s closer to mine. There’s no way this is a coincidence.”

Minhyun frowns. “I’m just coming back from work so I thought that I might as well… This place isn’t that far from where I work…” he trails off. 

And Jonghyun’s annoyance deflates just as his entire body fills with embarrassment because Minhyun is right. It _is_ pretty close to that library.

“I’m sorry,” he quickly says before turning around. “I won’t bother you again. I’ll leave you alone now -”

“Wait.” Minhyun grabs his shoulder and spins the human around to face him. “I’m having some trouble with choosing. I might need a chef’s opinion.” He smiles sheepishly.

Jonghyun stares at him and at the packets of meat before replying. “What are you planning on making?”

“Well, Minkyeung wants to eat burgers hence the minced meat but I’m also planning on making roast beef,” he answers politely, distantly.

And it’s like an ocean wave just hit him full across the face.

Salt on wounds.

Salt that hides the taste of his own tears.

He’s reminded of that stupid dream again. He can’t seem to get how real it felt out of his head. He’s never felt so far away from the vampire before now, it actually hurts when he thinks of them separating again. But it’s okay. It was just his imagination running wild and his feelings going haywire, he tells himself. None of that actually means anything. 

He must have stayed far too quiet for far longer than what is deemed normal because Minhyun tilts his head in confusion and waves a hand in front of Jonghyun’s face. “Earth to Jonghyun,” Minhyun says. “Are you there?”

He snaps out of it. “What? Yeah, sorry. I was just… lost in thought…?”

“Are you saying that as a question?” Minhyun laughs, a hand covering his mouth in a shy gesture, and Jonghyun can’t let himself get used to it because it _hurts_. There is a sharp pang that hits him right in the chest. Jonghyun almost wants to pull the other into a kiss. He really can’t believe that after so long, they’re suddenly face-to-face like this. Minhyun’s laughter rings in his ears and sends a wave of warmth in him, almost like a counterattack to the earlier anxiety. But he has to play it cool.

“I can help you shop if you want?” Jonghyun offers. “Seeing as how useless you are at it.”

And Minhyun barks out a laugh, this time a little harder and even more genuine than before. His face scrunches up into something that would be considered cute. He really laughs like Jonghyun is the only person who can make him and the human doesn’t really know how to feel about that. “That would be nice. Thank you.”

In hindsight, Jonghyun didn’t think this through because he’s getting far too used to it — like the weeks of radio silence were nonexistent. It was a little awkward at first but they soon fall back into each other’s circle again. There’s just a semblance of comfort between them, not a fire yet, that’s burning wildly, it’s more like an ember in a hearth, quiet and slow. It almost feels like one of the dreams he’s had as of late, and yet, there’s still a sense of danger, a sense of cutting guilt. He _knows_ Minki will get mad at him for being such a masochist. It’s painful to think that this is only for today. Jonghyun hates himself for doing this to himself.

They leave the supermarket side by side in silence. Minhyun places the groceries in his car and then asks Jonghyun if he’d like to take a walk so that they can both talk, seeing as how they have time. It’s embarrassing how quickly Jonghyun agrees but maybe talking when their heads are clearer would help. They’re quiet for a while and it doesn’t hurt as much anymore, but it doesn’t erase the fact that the last time they saw each other, all they did was hurt one another. Jonghyun knows what he has to do now.

“I’m sorry,” he suddenly says, breaking the silence between them.

“What for?”

Jonghyun bites his lip before answering. “For what I said that night… about Yaebin. I regretted it as soon as I said it. It was wrong of me. I’m so sorry.”

Minhyun turns to him and gives him a sad smile. _Ah, it’s starting to hurt again._ “I’m sorry, too. I made you feel anxious.”

“It’s okay, I’m not angry about that anymore,” Jonghyun says softly.

“Likewise.”

And they continue with their walk in silence again. This time, a weight is lifted off of Jonghyun’s chest, but it’s not all of it.

“I’m confused, Minhyun.”

The vampire looks at him, an eyebrow raised. “Confused about what?”

“About what I should feel towards you.”

Minhyun makes a noise of acknowledgement. “Ah. Well, I’m in no position to rush you to make conclusions.”

Jonghyun lets out a breath. “Part of me knows that the most natural thing to do is to run away from you and never look back. To just live a normal life. But then there’s another part of me that has always wondered what a normal life for me even looks like. It’s that same part of me that knows that it _is_ natural. What I feel for you _is_ natural, right?” Minhyun doesn’t say a word to that. “That night we fought, all I wanted to do was show how much I was hurting and I ended up saying something hurtful. It’s a little embarrassing but I cried that night, too. I cried because I missed you and then I felt bad that I did. And then today, I got mad at you as soon as I saw you but I ended up helping you buy food.” He laughs, voice cutting like shards of glass. “I feel like I’m always halfway to somewhere. And I don’t want to be. Doesn’t it sound frustrating?”

Minhyun nods and doesn’t say anything for a few beats, and then, “It’s natural to be confused, especially about this. There’s just… a lot to unpack. You can always take your time, whether it’s about me or yourself, that’s your decision in the end.”

Jonghyun frowns. “What about your decision? Don’t you have a choice in this too?”

The vampire turns to him and gives him a smile so warm Jonghyun wonders if he is the reason for the peak of summer. “I think I’ve more or less already made mine.” 

It’s something that he keeps telling himself that he shouldn’t have and he hates himself for feeling happy at the implications of Minhyun’s words when he knows all the wrongs that he’s done, but he also can’t help it. Maybe his problem never started with Minhyun, maybe it’s some deeply ingrained insecurity that’s stopping him from wanting. But then he thinks of his friends — Minki and Aaron _-hyung_ — and what it might mean for everyone around him if he pursues this. But what if he decides to be selfish instead? Now Minhyun is right _here,_ right by his side. Maybe, if anything, they can be friends. But just as quickly as the thought pops into his head, he shakes it off. That’s impossible. He can never see Minhyun as just a friend. A normal relationship with Minhyun is a fool’s errand.

“Are you celebrating something?” he asks. “You bought a lot of food and… well you’re not one to eat normal food.”

Minhyun chuckles. “Well, yeah. I guess you could say that.” Jonghyun doesn’t really know what he’s referring to but the thought quickly disappears because Minhyun says shyly, “It’s my birthday, you see.”

Jonghyun stares at him, mouth agape. “Your birthday?”

“Yeah.” The vampire rubs a hand on his neck, seemingly embarrassed at divulging this information. “I don’t really celebrate often,” he quickly says. “But Minkyeung insisted that I should this year and -”

“Is there anything you want?” Jonghyun cuts him off.

And Minhyun smiles at him, slightly forced. “Nothing I can have,” he answers.

Jonghyun stops in his tracks as the vampire walks ahead of him. Minhyun must have realised he’s not there anymore because he turns around to face the human, expression unreadable. Jonghyun doesn’t really know what compels him, but he grabs Minhyun’s hand and pulls him into an alleyway, he doesn’t miss the way the vampire lets himself be dragged.

“Jonghyun- _ah,_ ” Minhyun whispers once they’re secluded from the rest of the world, “What are we doing here?”

“I can’t do this where people are watching,” he answers, just as a group of people walk past the crack of the alley, ignoring their existence.

“Do what?” the vampire asks warily.

The human backs him into the wall, heartbeat a shade hammering against his chest. Jonghyun doesn’t really know what he’s doing but Minhyun seems to know because his eyes grow wide and searches Jonghyun’s for answers to a question that is never uttered.

He watches Minhyun take a gulp and part his lips. “Jonghyun -”

But he’s immediately silenced by a finger to his mouth. Jonghyun shushes him and places a hand on Minhyun’s arm. “I don’t really have a present to give you.”

“I don’t expect you to,” Minhyun says against his finger.

“Well, you gave me the greatest gift on my birthday.”

Minhyun frowns, confusion etched clearly on his face. “Which is?”

“My life.”

The vampire opens his mouth slightly, shocked at the revelation. “Then… that night was -”

“It’s nothing like what you gave me but I want to give you something — you can take it as gratitude, maybe — even if it’s just for tonight, even if this is the last time,” Jonghyun whispers and there’s a hitch in Minhyun’s breath after he says it. As if suddenly deciding to weigh his options again, the human asks, “Are you dangerous?”

“I don’t want to be… I never wanted to be,” Minhyun adds after a beat.

Jonghyun takes his answer in and mulls it over in his head. Minhyun has never really been dangerous to him, but Minhyun’s world? That opens him up to things that he would rather not think about, despite the risk they pose. Is he willing to take that risk?

“I did a lot of thinking after that night. About you, me… Us. And I was wrong. It doesn’t make me any less angry, though… but it doesn’t make me hate you either,” Jonghyun whispers before smiling, leaning in closer to the vampire. He stands taller on his toes and plants a kiss onto Minhyun’s cheek, soft and brief, before they part again. Once Jonghyun falls back on his feet, Minhyun looks at him, eyes soft like golden velvet.

“Happy birthday, Minhyun.”

Minhyun parts his lips again, and Jonghyun can’t help but stare at them. Would they feel as pillowy as he remembers? What would they taste like? Is it okay to be selfish? He looks up from the other’s lips only to lock on to Minhyun’s gaze, steady and piercing. After a few moments, the vampire finally speaks. “There’s something I need to tell -”

And then he stops in his tracks. His eyes widen, almost comically, and he does something even more bizarre; he takes a whiff of the air around them. Minhyun frowns deeper than Jonghyun has ever seen before.

“Something’s not right,” the vampire says as he lightly pushes Jonghyun away from his body.

“What do you mean?” Jonghyun asks, already missing the contact. There’s something extremely uncomfortable about the sudden change and he’s starting to feel a little scared.

“I smell blood.”

The human stares at him. “Blood? Like, human blood?” A shiver runs down his spine.

Minhyun nods. “I have to check it out. It’s best if you stay away,” he says, already turning away. And Jonghyun just feels…

He just feels sad.

Minhyun is about to leave when Jonghyun grabs hold of his sleeve.

“Wait,” he whispers, rushed and somewhat panicked. “I want to be there with you, but I’ll keep a distance. I won’t let you see me. Is that okay?”

The vampire stares at his hand for a few beats and then back at his face before nodding once. Jonghyun lets go of him and Minhyun stalks away.

He keeps distance just like he promised, opting to walk on the other side of the street, ten meters behind the vampire. Jonghyun keeps his eyes ahead, only sparring a few glances at Minhyun who walks so smoothly, it’s almost like he’s gliding across the sidewalk. Moments like these remind him that Minhyun is short of being a normal human, and what scares Jonghyun the most is that he’s resolved that he doesn’t really mind, even if it’s dangerous. He sees Minhyun abruptly stop in front of another alley and Jonghyun knows that this time he has to hide, too.

This street is old from the looks of the buildings, practically deserted. But Jonghyun has to seem like he’s not tailing the vampire at all, so he enters one of the shops here, an old book store right across from the alley he saw Minhyun disappear in earlier. He greets the owner politely and grabs a random book from the shelves and pretends to read, walking closer and closer to the window so that he can see what’s happening on the outside.

He spots Minhyun immediately and… there’s a body on the ground next to him. Despite the stifling heat of the summer, Jonghyun’s body runs cold. He watches Minhyun crouch beside the body, bite into his forearm and feed it to the man on the ground. He sees the man writhing as soon as the blood enters his mouth, he sees how Minhyun gently pats him and encourages him to drink. The vampire then grabs the man by the shoulders and says something to him. Jonghyun watches as the man nods and then suddenly stands up, walking away from the scene of his attack like nothing ever happened.

_Was that how it was supposed to be with me?_ Jonghyun wonders.

But then something strange happens. There is suddenly another figure in the mouth of the alleyway, Jonghyun could have only blinked to miss it. Just as Minhyun turns around, the man pushes him against the wall with so much force that Jonghyun wonders if the building would shake. It finally registers that the other man must be a vampire, too.

Jonghyun wants to help but he knows that he can’t, no matter how much he wants to go to Minhyun’s side, he knows that he would be weak against a vampire. All his thoughts go back to that night where _he_ was attacked, completely powerless and dying. He has tried his best to get over it and on most days, he doesn’t even think about it anymore, but watching something like this unfold in front of him in real time, something so familiar and fear inducing, makes him want to puke. All he can do is stare, frozen in his spot, and hope for the other vampire to leave as soon as possible. Minhyun, who Jonghyun had thought was the strongest person he’s ever known, looks seemingly helpless as he’s pinned to the wall, unable to move. And it seems that the other vampire knows who Minhyun is, because he grips Minhyun by the jaw and leans in, their faces so close, Jonghyun wonders if their lips are pressing against each other. It makes him feel sick to his stomach. He might actually vomit now. The other man pulls away and says something to Minhyun.

Jonghyun watches in horror as the man suddenly pulls out something sharp — a piece of wood, carved out to a tip — and rams it into Minhyun’s chest before he promptly disappears just as suddenly as he came.

Jonghyun wants to yell out to him, but no voice comes out. He wants to run outside to help Minhyun but his feet stay planted to the ground. It’s like his body isn’t even his anymore. He feels like passing out but he knows he can’t. He has to help Minhyun but he knows he can’t. 

And then they mirror each other, both human and vampire fall to the floor, a pain buried deep in their chests, screaming in silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im back :) my finals are done and i did okay on most of them so i can get back to writing now! 
> 
> i wrote a portion of this chapter after naya rivera passed away. so this is kind of a tribute to her. rip naya.
> 
> please note that i've updated the tags and archive warnings. you have been warned.
> 
> thank you [candy_bong](https://archiveofourown.org/users/candy_bong) yet again for always helping me.
> 
> chapters will be posted whenever lmao 😌


	12. ghosts of the past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Min-ah,” he hears a familiar voice say. “How can I help you?” A hand on his cheek, callused, rougher than he remembers them being.
> 
> “Nu-i,” he manages to say. It’s more like that is what he manages to grunt out. “I want to go home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: forced kiss

Even as he’s walking away from the human, where Jonghyun’s lips had touched his cheek still burns. He remembers those words Seongwu said to him so long ago,

_When you taste blood... that sweet warmth that reaches your lips and just travels through your whole body… that same warmth that doesn’t make people like us feel cold anymore…_

Those words ring true… and yet, Jonghyun only needs to kiss him once for him to feel warm all over — for him to feel _alive._ Sometimes, he thinks that he’s probably in love with the human. Other times, he thinks that he’s an idiot for letting the thought cross his mind. But it’s not something he can help. It's a feeling that's ingrained in him — like the blood in his veins, like the marrow of his bones — so deep that it’s practically part of himself. Minhyun just feels it with almost unreasonable intensity. And still he manages to rationalise that feelings are never rational.

Minhyun shakes his head. Now is not the time to think about that, there are more important things to attend to, like the smell of blood in the air that only grows thicker the further he goes down the path in front of him. It’s hot tonight, stifling even. Much hotter than it was the night of Jonghyun’s birthday, a memory that feels like a distant dream now. No, actually, it feels like déjà vu. In many ways, this feels a lot like that very night — the smell of blood in the air, the faint rustling of the leaves in the wind, the empty streets of an evening that draws so late into the night. The moon glows just as bright as it did that night, too. The stars are dull against the streetlights. The smell of blood pricks his nostrils, a foul odour to others but it merely entices him even more.

It’s always dangerous when he tries to help, that’s why he doesn’t do it so often. Most of the time, Minhyun ignores the smell of blood whenever he catches a whiff of it on the streets. He can’t seem to do that anymore as of late. Even as Minhyun knows that his eyes have turned golden now and that his fangs are halfway down, he feels the need to try. He needs to do something and it makes the beating of his heart only pound harder as he approaches the body that’s leaning against the wall of the alley.

It’s a man, maybe around his thirties, and he’s sitting in a pool of his own blood.

Minhyun rushes to him and gently shakes his body. The man doesn’t respond.

He quickly bites into his forearm and shoves his bloody wrist to the man’s mouth. It’s risky doing this; under normal circumstances, vampires heal so quickly that oftentimes, the human is too slow in lapping all the blood, which is why he counters this by biting even deeper. There is also the fear of the human dying with vampire blood in their system, resulting in more Newborns in the world. He hates the thought of more vampires festering in the shadows, hidden away like monsters that attack children from under their beds. But this isn’t under normal circumstances, ever since Minhyun stopped drinking blood directly from humans, he’s always been a little on the slow side of healing, at least from deep cuts.

Once the man finishes drinking, Minhyun lifts his head so their eyes are aligned. The man hardly complains, he must still be in a daze, the vampire notes. He stares into the man’s eyes and speaks in a low voice,

“You fell down and hurt yourself. Your wound will heal quickly because of the medicine you put on it. You will forget you ever saw me. You will go home now.”

He watches how the man’s pupils change between dilations and pinpoints several times before he repeats the words back.

“I fell down and hurt myself. My wound will heal quickly because of the medicine I use. I never saw you. I’ll go home now.”

And then, as if nothing happened, the man stands up and leaves.

Now he has to think about how to clean this up. Minhyun supposes that maybe the rain would wash the blood away but it hasn’t rained in a week and it doesn’t look like it will rain anytime soon. He’s still crouched on the ground when his vision darkens, the light from the streetlamp through the slit of the alley is being covered. There is someone behind him and Minhyun feels his whole body tensing. There’s that smell in the air, something he hasn’t had a whiff off in a long time. A familiar smell that he was hoping he would never encounter ever again.

He turns around, but he doesn’t get to see much before he’s slammed against the wall, his hands are held above his head and he can’t seem to move. He’s come face-to-face with the very person he has been dreading.

Ong Seongwu.

He looks a little different; his hair much shorter, waves that flop onto his forehead, covering his eyebrows. His clothes fit the times as well, blending well into the crowd. The look in his eyes is different too — a little more crazed than it was the last time they met.

Seongwu is grinning at him now. “Did you like my little surprise? Though, I’m a little disappointed you didn’t eat the meal I left out in the open for you. I practically offered him up like a gift. You’re really good at pretending to be a normal person. A job. A car. Human friends.”

Minhyun wills himself to calm down when he remembers that Jonghyun is somewhere in the vicinity. He sighs, mustering an even voice, “Are we playing games now?”

“I’m not playing any games. I’m celebrating your birthday with you,” Seongwu says, his grip on Minhyun’s hand wrists tightens, the other vampire’s daylight ring seems to burn against his cold skin — he remembers how he had to find a shaman for Seongwu to do it. “You didn’t think I’d forget, did you?”

Minhyun tries to pry his hands out of Seongwu’s hold but it’s no use, the other vampire won’t budge and he almost looks bored at the way Minhyun struggles. He really has grown weak.

“Our birthdays are only a few weeks apart. I honestly think it’s fate. And this year, you became an angel. So, I had to make it special.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Minhyun spits.

Seongwu’s nails dig deep into Minhyun’s skin and he winces in pain. He’s sure he has started to bleed again. “I’m saying that it’s only started.” He leans in closer to Minhyun’s ear and whispers, “I’m going to teach you how to be a vampire again, just like how you taught me that night in the woods, _Jeonha._ ”

A shiver runs down his spine at the weight of Seongwu’s words. For the first time in a long time, there’s a tinge of pure terror that creeps into Minhyun’s core, a drop of ink onto white parchment that slowly spreads throughout the page.

“What are you -” he couldn’t ask as a pair of lips press themselves against his own. He wants to break free, but he feels the energy drain from his body the more Seongwu holds him like this. He feels disgusting. He tries to turn his head but Seongwu brings down a hand to grip his jaw in place.

This is wrong.

This is so _wrong._

Minhyun feels nauseous once Seongwu pulls away. And the other vampire has the gall to whisper in a soft voice, “Happy birthday, Min _-ah._ ”

“LET GO OF ME!” Minhyun yells, secrecy be damned. He needs to get out of here, else he’s sure this wouldn’t be the worst of it.

Shockingly, Seongwu does.

“I have another present for you,” Seongwu says.

And before Minhyun can even ask, he’s being rammed in the chest with something long and sharp. At first, he doesn’t feel anything, nothing but numbness at the sensation but then it is quickly followed by the most excruciating pain Minhyun has ever experienced in his one thousand and four years of walking the earth. He looks down and sees the wooden stake in his chest. He feels it so deep inside of him, it barely grazes his heart that beats next to the thing that could have killed him.

“You missed,” Minhyun gasps, belatedly realising that his mouth tastes suspiciously of his own blood.

“I didn’t,” Seongwu says, leaning into his ear again. “My gift to you this year is your life.”

And just as Minhyun blinks, the man in front of him disappears. He falls to the ground now, in a pool of his own blood.

He has to get the stake out.

Minhyun puts his hand around the wood and musters all his strength to pull it out. A surge of pain engulfs him as it leaves his body. It seems to be burning his chest and he can’t seem to breath even when it’s fully out. He’s been punctured so easily, like he’s the most fragile being in existence. He feels like it too. The stake clatters when it hits the ground, his grip on it loose, and he barely lays there, arms having no more energy, outstretched beside him. He needs to heal but his body is refusing to. 

He needs blood to heal.

But he can’t drink blood, he doesn’t trust himself to, not directly.

He closes his eyes. Minhyun is sure he’s going to die now and he finds himself remembering that night he turned. His second birth.

_“Ashes to ashes. Nature calls for balance.”_

At the time, he didn’t understand what that woman was saying, but now he knows that it’s only fair. To be immortal, you have to take the life of mortals. To be invincible, you have to be weakened by sunlight. To be able to compel humans, you can never enter their homes. To be impervious to metals, you have to die by wooden stakes.

In his exhaustion, Minhyun’s mind wanders to his sister. He remembers how she tried to stop him and how he refused to listen to her.

And then someone else walks into his mind just as his sister leaves.

He thinks of dark short hair at a bridge. The man was slightly shorter than himself and looked at him a little shyly, cheeks a little pink, eyes hidden behind eyelashes. Something about the sunset and the way the river flowed in front of him that day is still painted so vividly in his memory. Every time he thinks of that time, there’s a visceral need to run. He’s not entirely sure where, but he knows it’s ahead.

Minhyun remembers wanting to live.

_“My gift to you this year is your life.”_

He heard. Seongwu heard everything that transpired between him and Jonghyun. He must have been close by and it’s only a matter of time now. Minhyun hopes that Jonghyun managed to run away and stay locked in his home for the time being. At the very least, Seongwu wouldn’t be able to get him then.

Minhyun hears footsteps approaching. _It’s over now,_ he thinks.

He is still weak when he tries to open his eyes, only managing to barely peek through his eyelashes but he sees it: the _chima_ of a hanbok. It looks eerily familiar, like he has seen it multiple times before. He’s almost too weak to squint at it, to focus, but he goes through the files of his memory and then he realises: it’s the _chima_ his sister often wore when they were children. Intricate embroidery, silk, red — suspiciously, the blood stains on it wouldn’t have been obvious.

“Min- _ah,_ ” he hears a familiar voice say. “How can I help you?” A hand on his cheek, callused, rougher than he remembers them being.

“ _Nu-i,_ ” he manages to say. It’s more like that is what he manages to grunt out.

Then, there is a hand on his shoulder, gently shaking him, almost like his sister wants him to wake up. “What do I need to do?”

_Wake up, Minhyun._

He doesn’t understand any of what his sister is saying now, so he just shakes his head. He can’t even say anything. This is a weakness he has never felt before, not even when he starved.

_Wake up._

“There has to be something,” the voice says, more distressed now than before.

“I want to go home,” he says between coughs.

“I know. I know but I don’t know how to get you there. I can’t carry you… You’re too heavy.”

Minhyun wants to say ‘no’ and reassure the person but instead, he feels the stake slip out of his hand and hears some faint rustling. A gasp. And soon after, the smell of fresh blood wafts through the air. Sweet, something attractive and makes him want it more and more. The kind of scent that is enticing and only fatigues, slowly but steadily turning spicy, bitter. A rose. He looks down and he sees a drop of blood on a wrist, like his sister pricked her skin with something sharp (the stake?). It’s being handed to him like a silver platter. Minhyun doesn’t really know what to do but the scent stings his nose. He _needs_ blood.

“Drink it,” the voice says. The wrist is right at his lips now.

Tentatively, he laps the drop of blood and it immediately invigorates him.

More.

Minhyun needs more.

He grabs the arm with the newfound sense of strength he feels, a gasp of pain being let out as he bares his fangs, biting into the flesh of the human. He drinks and feels himself more and more revitalised. It’s so sweet and warm. It makes him feel so alive. He has never tasted blood as sweet as this before and he wonders how he has gone without it for his entire life. Now he has the strength to open his eyes.

So he does.

And he’s looking straight into a familiar set dark brown eyes, eyes that are filled with as much warmth as the blood tastes on his tongue.

Jonghyun. 

Quickly, Minhyun pushes the human away, with more force than he intended to — hearing a grunt as the man hits the wall — and spits out the blood in his mouth.

Then, the blood that he just drank… 

He needs to vomit it out. He has to. Minhyun grips his stomach hard, forcing the blood out of him, the gaping hole in his chest being squeezed so tightly that it makes tears form in his eyes. Then he feels it, the blood that rises like bile and leaves his stomach.

Minhyun is still panting hard when he looks up to see Jonghyun’s eyes on him again, wide, his eyebrows disappearing under his fringe. He looks afraid. Too late, Minhyun realises that blood is everywhere, not even entirely sure whose it is, and he can still smell Jonghyun. His eyes travel downwards from the human’s eyes to the source of the scent that engulfs their surroundings and sees the bite mark there and the blood that drips from it.

He’s done it now.

“M-Minhyun- _ah,_ ” Jonghyun whispers, he rises from the other side of the alley, a slight limp as he makes his way to the vampire again.

“Don’t come any closer,” Minhyun says, the bitter taste in his mouth is still thick and heavy like lead that weighs him down.

The human flinches, the hand he tried to reach out is retracted in hesitation. And Minhyun’s vision starts to blur. He needs to get out of here.

It hurts.

“Minhyun- _ah,_ ” Jonghyun says again, with more conviction this time. “Let me help you.”

“Go away, Jonghyun.”

“But -”

“I SAID LEAVE!” He hates having to raise his voice like this, it uses up too much of his energy and it makes him feel guilty too. But he needs Jonghyun to leave. He can’t let Jonghyun see him like this — like a monster whose only purpose in life is to harm and kill. Minhyun was stupid in thinking that this was something that he could pursue. And now this will hurt them both, he needs Jonghyun to get as far away from him as possible.

But Jonghyun doesn’t, instead he crouches in front of Minhyun again. His hand is placed on the vampire’s arm when he whispers in a gentle voice, “Minhyun- _ah,_ let’s get out of here, okay? You’re hurt.”

“You’re the one who’s hurt, Jonghyun.” He breathes slowly through his nose, trying to soothe the pain that’s been rapidly creeping from his chest through his entire body. “Please go.”

“Let me get you out of here first -”

“I can help myself. Leave.” Jonghyun’s blood smells so good. He’s sure he can just rip the human apart if he lets himself go. But no. He can’t. He has to be in control. His whole body trembles as the human inches closer, the grip on his arm tightens and Minhyun starts to feel like a crumpled sleeve. He can taste salt in his mouth, tears that stream down his face, trickling drop by drop, a measly attempt to drown his lungs.

Jonghyun is quiet for a few beats, seemingly in deep thought and then he says quickly, “Minkyeung! We can call Minkyeung. She can get you out of here if you don’t want me to help. Where’s your phone?”

“Jonghyun, stop.” It comes out like a little gargled, a loud whimper, a strangled sob. And the human freezes. Minhyun takes a deep breath and in an even voice, he says, “If you want to help me, then leave. Go.”

“Minhyun- _ah,_ you’re crying -”

“Please. Go, Jonghyun.”

He soon finds himself alone again, the stench of blood surrounds him. He wishes it would rain soon to wash it all away.

Minhyun closes his eyes.

* * *

_BANG._

_BANG._

_BANG._

Jonghyun brings his fist onto Minki’s front door once more. His entire body is still shaking. What he saw happen in the alley doesn’t even feel real, it almost looked like a dream he once had about his own attack, like he’s looking into something that shouldn’t have. And the way Minhyun tried to keep him away — like a feral animal afraid of human touch — it makes him all the more terrified of what’s to come. He knows now that there is more to this than he ever thought possible.

“Come on. Come on. Pick up. Pick up, Minki. Pick up.”

He calls Minki again for the upteenth time, but it leads to voicemail again. At this point, he feels like giving up, but he can’t seem to even do that when his heart is beating at a mile a minute. Jonghyun can’t calm down. He just can’t. If he did then it would almost be an act of betrayal in his head. Jonghyun is still knocking on the door, his knuckles red, skin starting to rip by the time Minki opens it.

“What the hell, Jonghyun?!” Minki whisper-yells, his eyes red from being disturbed from his sleep in such a loud manner. “Do you know what time it -” And he stops in his tracks upon seeing the look on Jonghyun’s face. Minki’s face falls and he steps aside from the doorway, making room for Jonghyun to enter without a word.

He rushes into the apartment, kicking his shoes off and heading straight for the sofa. Minki hasn’t even turned on the lights yet when Jonghyun plants himself on the seat, his knee shaking, his hands gripped together tightly.

“Where’s Aaron- _hyung?_ ” Jonghyun asks, looking around the desolate apartment, only the pictures on the wall stare back at him. Some of them included a younger Jonghyun, an ignorant Jonghyun, a Jonghyun he wishes he was right now.

“He’s asleep. It’s two AM, Jonghyun,” Minki answers, sitting on the chair opposite of him. He stares at Jonghyun for a while, frowning, noting the way his whole body seems to tremble. In a softer voice, he asks, “What’s wrong? You’re- you’re a mess.”

“I -” Jonghyun starts before swallowing his words. He doesn’t really know where exactly to begin. “I met Minhyun.”

Minki squints. “And you got _this_ shaken up because of it? Did he do something to you?” he asks, his voice laced with a tinge of panic and anger.

Jonghyun shakes his head. “No, he didn’t. He just- I think he’s in trouble.”

“What do you mean he’s in trouble?” Minki frowns. “Like… is he involved with the wrong people?”

“No, it’s-” Jonghyun sighs. He can’t explain. He can’t when he’s keeping so much of the truth hidden. There’s no other way around this anymore. Jonghyun has to tell something that isn’t his to tell. “Minki- _yah,_ ” he starts again. “Do you think monsters are real?”

His friend only stares at him. “Monsters,” Minki repeats, trailing off at the end. “Like what? Frankenstein? Zombies?”

“Like vampires.”

“Vampires.”

“Yes, vampires.” He’s not even looking at his friend anymore, Jonghyun just can’t bear to look. He knows he sounds crazy, even more crazy than his appearance right now.

“Okay.” Minki pinches the bridge of his nose, his shoulders droop in exhaustion, arms crossed. “A simple question: are you drunk?”

“I’m not -”

“Then what the hell are you talking about? Did you really wake me up at two in the morning to debate the existence of vampires?” His voice raises the longer he speaks and Jonghyun would regret it if he didn’t think this was necessary.

“Minki, I’m serious -”

But Minki isn’t listening to him anymore. Instead, his eyes travel from Jonghyun’s face to his sleeve and then they stay fixed on his forearm. His eyes widen. “Is that-? Is that blood?”

Instantly, Jonghyun’s hand shoots up to cover the wound but it’s too late. Minki gets up from his seat and makes his way to Jonghyun, crouching down so he's at eye level to Jonghyun's arm. 

“Let me see,” Minki says as he pushes Jonghyun’s sleeve back. He gasps at the bite; it’s ugly and deep, the blood has since dried and covers the skin around it in black splotches. Jonghyun feels so exposed. He didn’t feel like this when Minhyun bit him, but now he feels like all eyes are on him, even the pictures of his past self on the walls. They all judge him for his crime.

Minki furrows his eyebrows, his mouth in a tight line. The more he looks at the wound, the more red his face gets. Jonghyun has never seen him this angry before. “Did Minhyun do this to you?” 

* * *

The vampire opens his eyes after what felt like years of slumber. He’s in a new set of clothes and on his bed with sheets that have recently been changed. He frowns. He doesn’t quite remember how he got home last night… 

He doesn’t remember what happened. He searches his head — his memories — trying to weave through the events of last night to remember but he can’t seem to recall. It’s like it all comes up blank in his head. More than starting to forget, it’s more like the memory is completely wiped without him ever realising that it was there in the first place. And suddenly it feels like his ribs are collapsing into his chest, brittle bones that poke into his lungs and his heart. His heart seems to be pumping but there is nothing in his veins, the throbbing of his heart is just too much for him to bear, he can feel it pounding against his fragile ribs, trying to bust through his chest. He feels so empty, void of anything and everything.

He can’t breathe.

Minhyun can’t seem to breathe even if he wanted to stop.

He gets out of bed, staggering on his feet, a hand gripped tightly on his chest - where his wound is hastily covered up - his footsteps sounding like thuds against the floor, and he makes his way to his desk on the other side of the room. He yanks open the wooden drawers.

_The letters._

_The letters._

_The letters._

The words are stuck in his head like a mantra, white noise that he can’t seem to filter out as he pours his eyes over the parchment in front of him. Then something like relief is poured over his entire body.

He remembers now.

There’s a low rapping on his door and he turns around to see Minkyeung by his doorway, holding a glass of what seems to be blood. He didn’t hear her come in. Minhyun frowns.

He didn’t hear her come in?

“You’re awake,” she says.

He stands up, albeit a little unstable, from the floor where the paper is littered on. “What happened?”

“Hell would I know.” Minkyeung places the glass on his desk, harder than necessary. It makes a loud sound that echoes through the room as it hits the surface. “I was just at home waiting for you to buy burgers and ended up being worried sick. And then you were gone for three hours without even a text to tell me where you were, I knew something was wrong. So I decided to go look for you, only for you to be at the front door, unconscious, covered in blood. You looked like an idiot Newborn. What grocery trip from hell did you go on?”

“Seongwu.”

Minhyun watches the way she flinches slightly before relaxing her whole body. She pulls the chair at his desk and sits there, not looking at him, her hands balled up into fists, clenched tightly as she forces out a breath. “So he’s not even trying to hide anymore.”

“Seems so.”

“He’s such a fucking pussy.” Minkyeung tilts her head back to face the ceiling, eyes shut tightly. “Coming back after so long just to ruin everything. I thought he might have gotten a new hobby but I guess not.” She opens her eyes. “What’s with the uh -?” she asks, waving a hand towards the letters that are strewn in front of his desk.

“I had to remind myself.”

Minkyeung makes a noise of acknowledgement. “Hm,” she hums, not commenting any further at his statement. Minhyun guesses that she thinks she doesn't need to. For some reason, he’s starting to get annoyed. “It’s not the only thing you're worried about, right? Earlier, while you were sleeping, you- you were sweating and crying. You know? The works.”

“Why didn’t you just come in then? Don’t you barge in anyway?” he asks, not even trying to hide his annoyance.

But she pays him no mind. “Well, I would have. But you wouldn’t have liked it,” she trails off.

“Since when have you ever cared about that?” he snaps. His chest is starting to hurt again.

“Since you came home drenched in blood!” she yells through gritted teeth, her hands clenched. “It wasn’t even yours! I smelled multiple people on you and you were so out of it too. How could I? How could I barge into the last piece of normalcy you would have tonight? How _dare_ I let you sleep like a normal person, right?”

They stare each other down, sparks of electricity flare the more they hold their gazes. It’s cold but burning with anger. Both of them spitting out unnecessary words but holding back those that are needed. They hardly ever fight, never an actual argument that gets heated to the point where they can say nothing to each other. It was something they both wordlessly promised all those years ago. It’s something Yaebin would have wanted. The only way they can with this fight is to lose the battle.

Minhyun sighs. “I dreamt about my sister.” Instantly, Minkyeung’s eyes soften at his words. “I still can’t remember her face but… I do remember that she was crying.”

“Why was she crying?” Minkyeung asks.

“She said the song I wrote for her was beautiful.”

_“What do you think? I practiced really hard this time!” He grinned at his sister while she stared back at him in silence. Moments passed and the prince started to wonder whether or not his song was actually good. He remembers how the anxiety started to fill his body like a cup that one pours hot tea in, except no one was waiting for the tea to cool, his body only got hotter the more the quiet stretched between them. It was almost visible to the eye for him. Similar to how he could almost see a note waft through the air after he strummed his daejaeng, the way the silence was like two leaves that fell from the same branch of the same tree was seen with his eye too. They would fall closely, before slowly drifting apart, further and further away._

_Minhyun remembers how he suddenly felt lonely._

_But then he heard whimpering._

_His sister was crying._

_“Nu-i!” he called out as he rushed towards her. She tried to push him away but he stayed next to her, his arm was on her back rubbing circles as she cried. He looked at her chima, it was her favourite. Red and tearstained._

_“Nu-i, why are you crying?” he remembers asking._

_She turned to him and placed a hand on his cheek. “It was beautiful, Min-ah,” she said before she leaned in to place a kiss on his forehead. “I loved it. It’s a song I will always remember.”_

Minhyun sighs. “I dream about that often but then, every time I raise my head to actually look at her face, before I can even set my eyes on it, I hear a doorbell ringing.”

“A doorbell?” Minkyeung repeats, an eyebrow raised.

“Each time, it was you. But that wasn’t the important bit because we never actually end up opening the door. I always wake up at the exact same moment. It was always that one Christmas we celebrated together. And I would be too busy cooking to answer the door. So I would tell Yaebin to answer it, only for it to keep ringing. And then when I go out to the living room, she’s just sitting on the sofa — remember? That leather one I had back then — and she just stares at me. And before she can say anything, I wake up. Every single time. It’s frustrating.”

“Not knowing what happens next?”

Minhyun shakes his head. “Forgetting what happened before.”

Minkyeung stares at the older for a few beats and then slides the glass towards him. “Drink.”

He grabs the glass, brings it to his lips to take a sip before immediately spitting the drink out. It smells strange. Minkyeung observes the way he takes another whiff of the glass. He wonders if he looks mad now but the smell only gets stronger. It’s foul, he almost needs to vomit again. “Did you put something in this?” he asks, still a little agitated from before.

Minkyeung raises her eyebrows. “No? I opened a new bag for you. Fresh from the hospital.”

“Why does it smell like this?”

“Like what?”

“Like last month’s _japchae._ Here.” He passes the glass to her.

Minkyeung sniffs the liquid tentatively and shrugs. “Doesn’t it always smell like this?”

Minhyun can do nothing but stare at her. “What the hell? I can’t- I can’t drink this!”

She leans back in her chair. “That’s why I told you to stop drinking this shit. It’s disgusting, _oppa._ Like, genuinely.” She rests her head on her hand, upright, and looks up at him. “Who knew that blood that _isn’t_ thirty-six degrees at two hundred bpm would be so terrible to consume?”

“Are you messing with me right now? After surviving a stab through the chest?” he asks in disbelief. He starts to feel that anger pooling in his stomach again. He hates this so much.

“Yeah, but I’m also giving you advice. Stabs like that,” she nods towards his chest, still a gaping hole, “would have already healed by now if you drank from a human regularly. Your body doesn’t function like it’s supposed to. The first rule of vampirism: to stay alive, you have to take from what is _alive._ What’s the point of just _barely_ getting by? This hospital shit just doesn’t cut it, _oppa._ I’m pretty sure you know that. And I know Seongwu knows it, too.” Every single one of her words is making his anger rise from his stomach like bile.

“Enough.” It’s right at the back of his throat. “I don’t need advice from the likes of _you._ When have you ever taken being a vampire seriously? Hasn’t this all just been fun and games to you?” It’s on the tip of his tongue. “You’ve liked being like this — this monster since the moment you turned!”

She looks away from him but he can still see that eyes a little teary now. Suddenly he feels a tinge of regret in his heart before he quickly snuffs it out. “How could you say something like that?” she asks.

For some reason, he can’t seem to stop. “How could I not? All you do is post videos about being a vampire online and then complain about not having the food that you like!” He grabs the glass of blood again and before he could even think, it crashes to the ground. Blood and glass splattered everywhere. “Maybe, I’m just trying to survive in a way where I don’t potentially kill people! I don’t know about you, Minkyeung, but the worst thing about being a vampire for me is the fact that I constantly want to rip the next person’s throat out just so I could have a drop of blood. The worst part is taking more lives than you will _ever_ be able to give. If my way of living sucks so much for you, you can leave anytime you want! But you don’t, you just stay here. And for what? Don’t you hate me? At the very least, don’t you resent me for what happened to Yaebin?” She meets his eyes now, their gazes locked again. “I bet you blame me. Isn’t that why you went AWOL for years? Four years ago, you didn’t even bother coming to her anniversary. You’re not the only person who lost her, Minkyeung.”

_SMACK._

Her hand is still raised from where she slapped him across the face. It stings.

“That’s enough,” she says, panting. “Can’t you see that he’s trying to tear us apart?”

Minhyun frowns, watching her as she slowly walks away to leave the room. Just as she’s about to step out the doorway, she turns around and faces him.

“I know you didn’t mean it, but is it so bad to have people that care about you?”

He’s far from being done. “If you cared so much, how come you didn’t ask?”

She freezes. “What?”

“You didn’t ask how I got home,” he says simply. Minhyun doesn’t know where this need to test her suddenly came from but now it feels like his trust is starting to waver. It’s being weathered away like rocks on the sand of the beaches, the edges turned dull.

“I figured you would tell me when you felt like it. I didn’t want to pressure you when you were already distressed.”

And he finds himself laughing, void of warmth, cold like ice. “Ask me now and I’ll tell you.”

“ _Oppa,_ I-”

“Ask me!” he yells and her whole body stiffens.

“I don’t- I don’t want to,” she whispers.

“Why not?”

“Because you’re scaring me.”

He makes his way to her — stepping on the glass and blood without a care — and takes a good look at her face. She looks younger now, like a child. Minhyun supposes she’s always been one. “Sorry for making you uncomfortable,” he says flatly.

“You’re being mean,” she says, voice low and a little stangled. _Is she crying?_ “If you have a problem, then say it.”

“Oh, I did say it but then you slapped me.” 

“You didn’t mean that.”

Minhyun frowns. He’s hated this conversation since the moment it began. “I’ll tell you how I got home.” He places a hand on her shoulder.

“No -” She tries to shake him off but he holds her there tighter.

“I kept waking up and going back to sleep. Drifting in and out of consciousness,” he continues anyway. “And then, when I finally came to, I had my hand around someone’s neck. I was choking her.” He lifts his hand and shows her the culprit of the crime. “I don’t remember why, but I wanted her to be quiet. You’ve never really killed anyone before, right? You were always a good student. I’ll tell you what that’s like — to have power over someone else’s life.”

“I don’t want to know -” 

“It’s intoxicating. It can make you forget about so much. It makes you feel so strong. That moment when they realise they’re going to die, that look in their eyes that shows us who they really are? I was attracted to it. I was obsessed with it. So I held her by the neck, I could hear the blood pumping through her veins, her heart beating rapidly and the gasps she could barely give out. She didn’t smell that enticing but I needed the blood.”

“ _Oppa -_ ”

“And then I let her go.”

She looks up at him, eyes trembling. “What?”

“I compelled her to forget and I walked back home. By the time I reached the door, I was so tired I passed out.”

She pushes him away. “What the fuck, _oppa?_ ”

He stays quiet.

“How could you scare me like that?” she yells before finally leaving the room.

Minhyun stands there for a while before his knees finally give in and he’s sat on the floor again. That same floor that is littered with letters, blood, broken glass and now, the tears that stream down his face.

* * *

Jonghyun has been staring at his phone for five minutes now. Someone has been trying to get a hold of him, he's been letting it go to voicemail seven times now. The caller ID says it’s Minhyun. His first instinct would be to pick it up but he can’t help but be cautious. After what transpired last night, he wonders if it’s a trap. He’s still internally debating when it rings again.

Jonghyun finally picks it up.

“Hello?” he asks nervously.

“It’s me,” says a familiar voice and he realises that it’s Minkyeung.

And he lets it all off of his chest. “Is Minhyun okay?! Did he get home safely?”

“Yes, he did.” Jonghyun doesn't miss the way she ignores the first question and his heart drops into his stomach. The line goes quiet for a while and there's some faint rustling before her voice is back. “Listen, I need your help.” Her voice sounds so loud, like her lips are pressed onto the phone. 

“Help?” He's dreading this already.

“It’s Minhyun- _oppa._ He- he’s not himself.”

Jonghyun immediately stands up. “What do you mean?” _Was he hurt more than he let on? Did he not give Minhyun enough blood to heal?_

“He hasn’t been eating. Actually, he hasn’t been doing that properly in a while.”

“That- that doesn’t make any sense. ‘A while’? Hasn’t it only been two days since I last saw him? Why would he stop eating? Wouldn’t he die because of that? He wouldn’t do that on purpose, right? It doesn’t make sense. I just- I don’t understand a word you’re saying.” He can hear them being spoken but he can’t seem to make sense of them. They’re void of any meaning. His grip on the phone tightens. “Is it- is it because of me?” he asks in a harsh whisper. 

Minkyeung doesn’t answer the question and instead, stays quiet for a few beats before speaking again. “In any case, can you come over? He keeps refusing me every time I try to feed him. Most of the time he’s out of it too. He listens to you, right? Just,” she sighs. “Just get here. Please?”

The words escape him before he can even think about them properly. “Can you put him on the phone?”

“He’s asleep. Anyway, I gotta go.”

“Okay.”

And Minkyeung ends the call.

She must be lying. Maybe, Minhyun didn’t want to talk to him after all? But then again, why would she tell him to come over? Is this supposed to be a secret?

Jonghyun takes a deep breath and steps out into the living room, padding towards the entrance, completely ignoring the way Minki has been watching him from the sofa ever since he left the guest room. He doesn’t get that far though because there’s a hand on his shoulder now.

“Yah,” Minki says, spinning Jonghyun around. “Where do you think you’re going.”

“I need some fresh air,” Jonghyun quickly says.

“Do I look like an idiot to you?” Minki asks, annoyed. “Do you think I didn’t hear the fifty calls you got the past hour? Jonghyun, who called you?”

When Jonghyun doesn’t answer, Minki snatches his phone from his hand. He unlocks the phone and scrolls through his caller history and his eyes widen at the screen. He looks up, frown deeper now more than ever.

“Really? Minhyun? Are you actually insane?” Minki asks, his voice raising.

“It was his younger sister calling me. She said she needs my help,” Jonghyun answers, already slipping on his shoes and then there’s a grip on his arm, keeping him from leaving. He winces. “Minki, you’ve kept me locked up in this apartment for days -”

“No, I’ve been keeping you alive for days!” Minki yanks Jonghyun towards him. “I can’t let you leave. If what you told me last night is real, that crazy fucker saw you. He _talked_ to you, Jonghyun.”

_Jonghyun was running down the streets, his mind going back to Minhyun’s car. He hasn’t driven in years but at the time, he thought that he would at least try to do so. He slipped a hand into his pocket to make sure that the key he had taken from Minhyun’s pocket was still there and that he still had some cash on him to buy something that could cover Minhyun’s wound, but before he could even try to help, his path was blocked._

_A man Jonghyun had never met suddenly appeared before him. He was handsome — his face seemed chiseled, his eyes dark and piercing, he was only an inch or two taller than himself. He looked familiar but Jonghyun wasn’t sure from where. He looked at Jonghyun curiously, eyes searching his face for something. And then he spoke with a voice that sent chills down Jonghyun’s spine._

_“You’re Jonghyun, right?” the man asked. “Kim Jonghyun?”_

_His throat ran dry, sirens were blaring in his head. This man was dangerous from the moment he spoke. Jonghyun felt his whole body tighten into itself, like snakes were wrapped around him, straining him more as time passed._

_“I- I-” he stammered._

_“Oh, don’t worry.” The man smiled at him knowingly. “I’m an old friend of your boyfriend’s -”_

_“I don’t -”_

_And then a hand was on his jaw, gripping his cheeks tightly. “Don’t be rude! I’m speaking to you, and when someone is speaking to you, you shouldn’t cut them off.” He smiled again, and still it didn’t reach the man's eyes. “You’re trying to help Min, right?”_

_Fuck._

_Minhyun had told him only a handful of people called him by his actual name. The only person who would have known this name and used it so casually would be someone who was alive around the same time as him. Jonghyun’s brain finally supplied a name to the face, and that scared him even more._

_Ong Seongwu._

_The pictures in Minhyun’s apartment flew through his head. He should have known._

_“Hey. Answer me when I’m asking you a question.” The vampire’s grip tightened and Jonghyun was sure that his jaw would break or shatter. Tears started to form in his eyes and he suddenly found himself not being able to breathe. He couldn’t speak anymore, so he merely nodded as his answer._

_“Hm.” Seongwu stared at him for a few moments and then something strange happened; his eyes shifted from their dilation to pinpoints even though they were still standing in the darkness of an unwell lit street. “Do you know what I am?”_

The ring, _Jonghyun realised. It was still snug on his finger in the pocket of his jeans._ He’s trying to compel me.

_“Yes,” Jonghyun answered, face as unreadable as he could make._

_“What am I?”_

_“You’re a vampire.” He decided he was grateful he never got to check how much money he had, because that hand started to tremble and he couldn't afford to let it show._

_“Where do you live?”_

_Seongwu knew his name. He knew his_ full _name._ Is he trying to bait me? _Jonghyun wondered, so he told him the truth._

_The grin on Seongwu’s face stretched and Jonghyun had half a mind to drop everything and run, but he knew he wouldn’t do that so he stayed put. The vampire slid the hand to his shoulder and leaned in closer to him. Seongwu’s nose touched his neck then and he took a deep breath, breathing in Jonghyun’s scent, his entire being._

_“You smell good. I can see why Min likes you,” he whispered into Jonghyun’s shoulder._

_Seongwu leaned back and looked at him one last time._

_“You will forget we ever spoke.”_

_“I will forget we ever spoke,” Jonghyun repeated. He closed his eyes and felt a gust of wind before he opened them again to see nothing before him._

Minki is still staring at him, brows furrowed and face starting to get red. “Don’t go to him, Jonghyun.” His grip on Jonghyun’s arm tightens and the man gasps. The bite from that night still hasn’t fully healed.

“You’re hurting me,” Jonghyun says.

“Sorry,” Minki quickly says before he lets his arm go. “You still shouldn't see him. What if it’s a trap?”

Jonghyun scoffs. “It’s not.”

“And if it is?” 

“Then he still needs my help, doesn’t he?” Jonghyun asks back, voice almost pleading, desperately trying to make Minki understand him. “I have to. Please, let me go.”

“Jonghyun- _ah,_ you might not care if you die, but I do. Especially because you got involved in some crazy shit like this? You should have taken up the offer to forget! That bastard probably knows that you know now.” Minki shakes his head. “Why do you care so much about what happens to Minhyun?”

Jonghyun stares at him, long and hard. “Isn’t it obvious?”

For a terrible moment, Minki looks horrified, like he can’t fathom how it could all still be true, like the most unbelievable thing about all of this is the fact that Jonghyun’s feelings never wavered, not even in the slightest. “You’re insane.”

“And I’m going. I’ve decided.” He turns around, not wanting to see the look of disappointment he knows is on his friend's face.

He wordlessly slips on his shows and is about to open the front door when a hand catches hold of his jacket. “Wait.”

Jonghyun sighs, still not turning around to face him. “What is it?” 

And then Minki says something he truly didn't expect. “I’ll take you there, okay?”

Jonghyun has only been to Minhyun’s apartment once, but he remembers the roads there like he lives there too. They go through the city, the ride isn’t even that long but the thick silence in the car makes him feel like they’ve been driving for hours. When they reach the apartment Minki just stares at it.

“What the fuck?” he says after a while. “He lives _here?_ ”

“That’s what I said,” Jonghyun trails off.

He unfastens his seatbelt and is about to leave the car when Minki stops him again.

“Wait,” his friend says before he sighs. “I’ll see you soon, okay?”

“Okay.”

Stepping foot into the building after so long almost feels like foreign land to him, but he remembers these paths like yesterday. He remembers being pulled by the hand into this very elevator, he remembers waiting to reach their floor destination, he remembers waiting outside the door as Minhyun keyed in the password. It feels so long ago.

Jonghyun has been standing outside the door for five minutes now. Should he knock? Should he ring the doorbell? If Minhyun is asleep, he wouldn’t want to wake him…

He brings up a closed hand and is about to knock on the door when it opens and he's stood face to face with Minkyeung.

“Why were you standing out here for so long?” she asks.

“You knew?”

“Yeah, I heard the elevator ding and I figured it was you,” she says as she steps aside, allowing him to enter the premise.

The apartment isn’t that different from last time, it’s still barren and filled with the barest minimum of furniture, but for some reason, it feels a little more lived in. Maybe it’s the fact that there's a blanket on the sofa, an empty cup of noodles on the breakfast table, and a phone charging in the corner of the room, that the place feels alive. Maybe it’s Minkyeung herself?

But there is one stark difference though; the curtains are completely drawn and the lights are all on even though it's broad daylight.

Minkyeung must have caught him staring because she says, “The reason I called you is because I need you to look after him while I'm gone tonight.”

Jonghyun turns away from the curtains towards her. “You’re leaving?”

“I need to get _oppa’s_ car back. And I haven’t been able to go because,” she brings up an empty hand, shimmering her finger, “I don’t really have those nifty little daylight rings they do. And _oppa_ is awake at night, so I would have to look after him.”

“But you don’t have the key, right?” Jonghyun asks which earns him a raised eyebrow from the woman.

“So you _were_ with him that night?”

Jonghyun nods and takes the key from his pocket to pass to her. She doesn’t question him further and he can’t help but wonder why.

“Minkyeung,” Jonghyun says. “When was the last time you went to sleep? You look exhausted.”

There are dark circles under her eyes, and she looks so tired. He’s only seen her once before but this is not the Minkyeung he knows.

“I'm fine,” she says, smiling at him but he doesn’t buy it. “Anyway -”

“Minkyeung _-ah,_ ” a voice calls from the other room and Jonghyun freezes. He hears footsteps approaching them from the hallway and now he wonders if he should hide. “Who are you talking to?”

Minhyun appears at the mouth of the hallway, his hand placed on the wall like he was balancing himself as he walked, and he stares at them, completely dumbfounded. The silence stretches over them for a few beats before the shock quickly wears away and then anger clearly etches itself on Minhyun’s face.

“WHAT THE FUCK, MINKYEUNG?” he yells.

“ _Oppa_ -”

“How dare you? How could you bring him here?” he asks, panicked, and Jonghyun can now see that his eyes are starting to water.

“Minhyun- _ah,_ ” Jonghyun says gently, trying his best to diffuse the situation. “It’s okay -”

“How is any of this okay?” Minhyun laughs. “Is this a death wish for you?”

Minkyeung walks towards the older and places her hands on his shoulder. “ _Oppa,_ you need to calm down -”

“Calm down? How can I calm down when you brought _him_ here? Did you ever think about how I would feel? Is this a fucking game to -”

But before Minhyun can finish the sentence, Minkyeung places both of her hands on his face, turns his head and snaps his neck.

His body falls to the ground in a thud, completely lifeless.

Jonghyun rushes to him, pushing Minkyeung aside. He tries shaking the body but there's no response. It’s like Minhyun is really dead. Can vampires die of a broken neck? It feels absurd, even the question itself feels absurd.

Jonghyun turns to Minkyeung. “What did you do?”

As if this is nothing, she shrugs. “He’ll be up in a few hours, don't worry.” She checks her watch and frowns. “Sunset is in half an hour. I'm gonna get ready to leave now.”

She steps over Minhyun’s body and is about to disappear into one of the rooms when Jonghyun decides that he’s had enough of it.

“Yah!” He calls to her. “Don’t you think you're being a little rude here? How could you walk over him after literally snapping his neck? At least help me move him back to his bed.”

She scoffs. “Trust me, after the shit he’s been spewing these past couple of days, I deserve to be a little rude to him.” But Jonghyun doesn’t really care and she can tell now with the way she sighs when she looks at his face. “God, fine. I’ll help you move him.”

Once Jonghyun hears the front door click, he knows that she really has left. He stays by Minhyun’s side, crouching next to the bed and stares at the vampire’s face. Even dead, he seems exhausted. He brushes a hand through Minhyun’s hair and finds himself smiling. It really has been getting longer. He had thought so when he saw him at the supermarket, but Minhyun really needs a haircut. Jonghyun looks to the nightstand and sees an empty glass, toppled over on its side and when he inspects the floor, he sees that the carpet is spilled with red liquid.

Blood.

  
Minhyun hasn’t been eating. Minhyun has been sick. Minhyun is dead. And Jonghyun doesn’t really see what he can do to help. So he does the only thing he _can_ do; Jonghyun holds the vampire’s hand and waits for him to wake up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chap is over 9k words long... this wasn't planned...
> 
> anyway i hope you enjoy!
> 
> stay safe everyone <3


	13. in tongues and quiet sighs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His cheeks must be stained from all that crying but Jonghyun still manages to look at Minhyun like he’s glowing. He wonders if the human’s eyes are rose-filtered for everything he does, but why does that make his chest squeeze at the thought of it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw// nsfw  
> for anyone who wants to skip: it's *** to a line

Minhyun opens his eyes gasping and sees the human by his bed, clutching his hand tightly, like he was holding it the whole time the vampire was asleep.

He yanks his hand away.

“What are you doing here?” Minhyun asks, sitting up so fast he almost gets a little nauseous. His neck aches and his chest stings badly at the sudden movement. He’s still weak from lack of feeding but he can’t _do_ anything about it when everything tastes revolting. And now Jonghyun is here where he isn’t meant to be and Minhyun can’t help the feeling of panic that starts to resurface as soon as he sees the human’s face. This isn’t supposed to happen. Jonghyun isn’t supposed to be in his room.

“Minkyeung asked me to.”

“I meant why.”

Jonghyun shrugs, like this isn’t a big deal to him. “I’m worried about you,” he says simply. The last time they saw each other, Minhyun screamed at him. He cringes at the memory.

Minhyun brings his face to his palms and lets out a heavy sigh. “You don’t have to be.”

“How can you say that? After everything that’s happened?”

And the vampire ends up laughing. “‘After everything that’s happened’?” he spits out. “I really was right back then, we _don’t_ know each other and there’s no more reason for us to know. I don’t even understand why you’re _here._ ”

“Yah. You -” Jonghyun takes a deep breath. “Can you not talk to me like I’m an idiot? Like I don’t know what I want or what kind of risk I’m putting myself in?”

“Jonghyun,” he starts, “How can you stand here in my room, completely vulnerable, after knowing what I did to you? _Are_ you an idiot? Where I bit you, it can’t possibly have already healed, right?”

He watches as Jonghyun’s hand instantly shoots up to grip his left forearm, the movement is unconscious, natural and terrified. He’s wearing a long sleeved shirt but Minhyun knows what’s under there: a deep bite mark that almost left Jonghyun in true danger.

“What about you?” Jonghyun asks. “You got hurt, too.”

Minhyun stiffens for a split second but quickly recollects himself. He sighs and stands up, forcing his feet to bring him to the kitchen. He feels so weak. He needs to eat. Jonghyun follows him and Minhyun can’t help but notice the distance he’s keeping as he does it. Of course he would, Jonghyun is not an idiot. He knows that Minhyun can hurt him but the knowledge of it sends spikes to his own chest. Minhyun is so stupid.

When he enters the living room, he’s hit with a realisation: the apartment is clearly empty. There’s no sign of his friend anywhere and she’s not one to be quiet.

“Where’s Minkyeung?” the vampire asks. 

“Minhyun- _ah_ -”

“Tell me,” he cuts him off.

Jonghyun sighs and relents. “She needed to head out. It was -”

“- Suffocating,” Minhyun finishes and the human falls silent. It’s happening again.

Minhyun makes his way to the fridge and opens it to see the many blood bags stacked on the shelves. When he takes one of them out, he sees from the corner of his eye that Jonghyun is staring at him.

“Is that…?”

“It’s human blood. From a hospital.” Minhyun locks his eyes onto Jonghyun’s who quickly looks away when he sees Minhyun opening up a bag. The vampire scoffs, “It’s gross, isn’t it?”

“No, I’m just -” he pauses. “I’m not used to it yet ‘is all.”

“Liar.” And Jonghyun turns to face him, brows furrowed, mouth in a straight line. “You can say when I disgust you, Jonghyun- _ah._ I wouldn’t take it personally.”

_That’s a lie._

He takes a swig of the blood.

“That’s not -”

And then he spits it out immediately. He tries to balance himself on the kitchen counter, gripping the edge as hard as he can. His hold on it is so tight that he’s sure that it might shatter but it’s no use. He falls on his knees coughing and Jonghyun rushes to his side.

“What’s wrong?” the human asks, his voice clearly panicked. He reaches out a hand, seemingly to pat the vampire’s back.

“I’m _fine,_ ” Minhyun says, slowly getting up, not letting Jonghyun touch him. “I’m just not used to it yet.” He keeps his palms flat on the counter, shutting his eyes as he breathes in and out slowly. When will he get used to it again? Ever since he fed on fresh blood, he can’t get the taste of it out of his head. Even now, he knows that he’s capable of ripping Jonghyun apart just so he can feed. He hates this about himself.

And then Jonghyun does something that Minhyun didn’t expect, but really should have if he knew the human well enough: Jonghyun wraps an arm around his back, as his other hand grips between the gaps of Minhyun’s fingers on the counter. Jonghyun is standing so close that the vampire can hear his heart beating in his ears.

Minhyun is starting to lose all sense of himself again.

“Let go of me, Jonghyun,” he whispers harshly, his body unmoving. Even now, he still doesn’t want to be the first to let go.

“No,” Jonghyun mumbles, eyes closed. He rests his head against Minhyun’s shoulder and sighs. “I won’t leave you. Not again.”

But he has to be.

He slips his hand out from under Jonghyun’s and carefully detaches himself from the human. The gap between them grows wider and wider as he backs away. “We can’t do this anymore, Jonghyun. I’m tired of it.”

“We aren’t doing anything -”

“Yes, we are!”

“We aren’t doing anything _wrong,_ Minhyun!” Minhyun stares at him, tight lipped and still. “I’ve thought about it again, about _us._ And you’re right, it _is_ tiring.” Jonghyun’s fists are balled up and shaking the more he yells at him. And Minhyun wonders if he might just throw a punch. He wouldn’t mind if Jonghyun does. “It’s _so_ tiring! Exhausting, even! The way we keep punishing ourselves for every single thing we feel is so tiring. We can’t live like this. _Who_ can live like this?”

He takes a step forward only for Minhyun to take a step back.

“Minhyun- _ah_ ,” Jonghyun says, gentle now, and the vampire can see in his eyes that there are tears threatening to push through, “Please, stop this. I can’t let you hurt yourself.”

_The woman grabbed his hand before he could run away from her, run away from the problem. “Jeonha, I cannot allow you to hurt yourself like this.”_

_The crown prince whipped around, frustration clear in his eyes, “Nu-i, this is the only way we can save father — the only way I can save father.”_

_“But you do not know that! How can you trust such evil?” His sister’s voice was starting to raise, an inappropriate way to address the crown prince, but he didn’t mind, he never minded when it came to his sister. “A shaman’s spell? That only breeds danger, Jeonha. We don’t know if it will even cure all ailments like how that woman claims!”_

_“That is why I must be the one to do it first, nu-i. The Emperor is far more important than the crown prince.”_

_“But this is your life you are playing with, Jeonha! Your life is more important than an assumption. I cannot allow this!”_

_“That’s treason!”_

_“Is it treason to say that our father has lived his life while yours has barely begun?” She questioned him. Quiet for a few moments, she started to plead, voice cracked, “Min-ah, I am begging you. Please stop.” She gripped his hand even tighter, as if she was trying to transfer all her thoughts to him with a touch. He knew that this would pain her but he could not stop the words that tumbled from his lips._

_“I won’t stop and you can’t do anything to change my mind.” He forced his gaze to turn cold, telling his sister that there was a finality there, trying to scare his sister so that she would stop hurting herself by begging. But she took on his gaze, unafraid and stared back at him._

_“Then, I will not be there,” she said curtly before she turned around and left his study._

“When you’re a vampire, every feeling you get is amplified,” Minhyun laughs, though there is no warmth in his voice. Jonghyun freezes at his words. No, that’s wrong. It’s more like the human freezes at the harsh tone of his voice. “Fear becomes terror, anger becomes rage, sadness becomes despair, pain becomes agony. Everyday, I live my life like this, Jonghyun. And I deserve to. I’ve caused so much pain throughout my life, this is the least I could go through,” he spits.

“Then what about happiness?” Jonghyun asks, voice completely even.

“What?”

“What does happiness become? And what about love? What about those feelings, Minhyun? Feeling too much doesn’t mean you deserve to feel only the bad things. You shouldn’t feel guilty for not suffering.” Jonghyun walks over to Minhyun who flinches when he reaches out a hand. “You shouldn’t be afraid of me,” he says before pulling Minhyun into his arms. He holds him, close and warm, enveloping him like a cloth of warm water being placed on his forehead when it’s cold. It’s like a hand that holds his own tightly when he’s unknowingly being cared for. It almost brings him to tears.

And then he realises that it does.

When Jonghyun pulls away, he cups Minhyun’s face just like how the vampire did to him so long ago. There’s that sense of déjà vu again. “Look at me,” Jonghyun whispers. Minhyun refuses to meet his gaze. He knows his resolve will falter as soon as he does. Instead he tries his best to save the both of them.

“I can hear the blood pumping through your veins,” Minhyun says, and it’s true. He hears it pounding in his ears, and it terrifies him. “I can almost smell it, too.” It smells just as sweet as it did on Jonghyun’s birthday. Maybe even more now than it did then. “I don’t want to lose control. I can’t lose to myself. I just- I’m so _hungry,_ I could kill, Jonghyun.”

“But that isn’t you.”

The vampire stills. “What?” _What is Jonghyun talking about?_

“Your hunger isn’t everything that you are.”

Minhyun stays silent so Jonghyun presses on, still as gentle as ever.

“Hey,” Jonghyun whispers. “Look at me. Please?”

And he does.

It’s those eyes again. Those eyes that make him feel like he’s being seen through, like Jonghyun is the only one who can actually read him. He’s drawn to those eyes like gravity — like they’re two celestial bodies stuck in an orbit together, their destiny in circles. And Minhyun is falling for him and into him — like a comet whose sole purpose is to fall and to never let go, it falls almost too far away to be seen, only to be ricocheted back into the orbit of the Sun. It’s more like he knew this kind of love would be painful for both of them and that made him want it even more.

His cheeks must be stained from all that crying but Jonghyun still manages to look at Minhyun like he’s glowing. He wonders if the human’s eyes are rose-filtered for everything he does, but why does that make his chest squeeze at the thought of it? Jonghyun reaches out and pulls Minhyun into another hug, wrapping his arms around him. And Minhyun finds himself shaking again and he rests his head in the crook of Jonghyun’s neck, dampening his shirt there.

“I’m sorry.” His words are muffled as Jonghyun pats his back, hushing him.

“It’s my fault as much as it is yours, Minhyun.” The vampire shakes his head. “God… Will you shut up?”

Minhyun suddenly laughs, he feels it well up from deep inside of him and escape like he’s doing something as simple as letting out a breath. He wonders how Jonghyun manages to do that to him even now. “I didn’t even say anything, Sweet One.”

“That’s the problem, isn’t it?” Jonghyun mumbles. And this makes the vampire pause for a few beats.

“It’s difficult being with me, isn’t it?”

Jonghyun stills at his words.

“I’m no easier.” Even when they break apart, Jonghyun keeps his hand on Minhyun’s sleeve. Maybe he’s still subconsciously afraid that Minhyun might try to run away again. It makes him feel guilty again. “I understand why you’re so convinced that you ruined my life but whatever happens to me when it comes to you is because I _chose_ it. You gave me that option. You didn’t destroy anything for me, my life was already hard even before I met you. Frankly speaking, you’re the reason why I’ve been so happy — something I haven’t been able to be in a _really_ long time. I looked forward to being alive and living my life because I was hoping that you would be part of it. And I want you to be, I really do.” The vampire becomes more sullen the more Jonghyun speaks. Admitting this must be embarrassing to him but it seems like the human needs Minhyun to understand this, like he can’t afford to be cryptic now. Jonghyun speaks like he has to tell him everything he’s been meaning to say. He speaks like he needs to be known. “So you should stop trying to get me to hate you. It’s not working. Honestly, it even has the opposite effect.”

“You can’t do that, Jonghyun,” Minhyun says, a little louder than necessary. He almost winces at his own volume. Suddenly, he’s scared of what Jonghyun might say, no matter how much he might melt at hearing it.

No, he’s scared because he _knows_ he will melt at hearing it.

“Do what?”

“Don’t let me hope for something. The way you’re talking, what you’re saying… it scares me.”

“Is it that strange?” Jonghyun lets his hand fall from Minhyun’s sleeve and slip through the vampire’s fingers instead. Minhyun keeps his hand still, not returning the squeeze of his hand. “I didn’t think I could feel this strongly about someone. But I do. And I thought that if I were to ever fall in love again, then I would like for it to be with you. You can’t be surprised that I feel this for you.”

Minhyun shakes his head. “Jonghyun- _ah_ ,” he whispers quietly, “It’s going to be dangerous. I - I could hurt you. And I _have._ ”

“And _I_ have hurt _you._ We -” he sighs. He rubs the back of his neck, frustrated that he can’t seem to get the important words out. “We need to be more honest with ourselves and with each other. So,” Jonghyun says, raising his head to look at the vampire directly in his eyes, “What are your feelings towards me?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Minhyun replies, exasperated. “You already know!”

“No, I don’t! I need you to _say_ it.”

“It doesn’t matter how I feel -”

“Yes, it does! It matters to _me_ because it’s about _you._ So tell me clearly.” The vampire slowly shakes his head. “ _Please,_ Minhyun,” Jonghyun ends up begging.

He looks at Minhyun expectantly, but the vampire stays quiet. Moments turn into minutes and Jonghyun’s face slowly turns into an expression akin to disappointment. Now Minhyun feels that guilt creeping in again. They’ve been going around in circles the whole time they’ve known each other, maybe their fate really is like this and that makes his insecurities start to creep in. Minhyun knows he needs to say something but his throat starts to dry.

“Please.”

He has to say something.

“Minhyun -”

“I’ve been trying to sort out my thoughts for a while, so forgive me if I am a little late,” Minhyun says in a low voice, getting Jonghyun’s full attention. “I’m attracted to you, undeniably,” he adds, a small amused smirk playing on his lips before he goes back to pulling a straight face. “And I thought that that was enough for me. You’re human and I’m a vampire. You’ll grow old and I’ll stay stagnant. You’re alive and I’m not.” He takes a brief pause, mulling over his thoughts once more before he finally admits his biggest worry. “I can’t ask you to do the unthinkable for me no matter how much I like you. It would be selfish because your life, it -” He musters up whatever courage he has left. “Your life has barely begun.”

Jonghyun frowns. It looks like he wants to say something but Minhyun cuts him off before he can even think to speak.

“But now I wonder if it’s okay for me to be selfish, just for a moment.” He stares at Jonghyun now, he feels his eyes turn golden and the human doesn’t seem to be afraid of their otherworldly gleam. Maybe, it’s always been the vampire who was scared. “So I’ll say it — the words I didn’t allow myself the luxury to even think.”

“Minhyun- _ah_ -”

“I like you,” Minhyun confesses. He says those three words so simply because it _is_ that simple. It’s a fact. “I like you so much that I ache.”

As soon as those words leave the vampire’s mouth, Jonghyun crashes it with his. He kisses Minhyun like he’s drowning, almost like he can’t breathe without the other. His hands start making their way to wrap themselves around Minhyun’s neck, almost as if he’s trying his best to make their bodies closer — like he wants for them to have no more distance between each other. There’s an urgency in his movements, maybe Jonghyun never realised the extent of his _hunger_ for the vampire until just now. Minhyun doesn’t really know how to process all of this. Quite frankly, it doesn’t feel real. The way Minhyun can _feel_ the weight of Jonghyun’s emotions from this one kiss doesn’t feel real.

But it feels so good, so _right,_ that Minhyun wonders how he ever lived before this without Jonghyun here kissing him like he’s breathing the life back into his cold body. Jonghyun’s tongue slips past Minhyun’s lips, massaging his own languidly, and the human opens his eyes ever so slightly only to realise that Minhyun has been staring at him, frozen with wide eyes. At first, Minhyun is too shocked to respond but he soon recovers and returns the sentiment; he kisses Jonghyun back with the same enthusiasm, the same desperation, the same need, and the same _want_. They’ve never kissed like this before. Maybe he’s been holding himself back every time he stares at the human’s lips when Jonghyun isn’t looking. Maybe Minhyun has always stared at him a little longer than necessary. 

The vampire can hear all of it. The way Jonghyun’s heart is pounding so hard against the cage of his chest, begging to escape. Opening his eyes again, Minhyun peeks at the human who’s kissing him like his life depends on it, only to see that he’s blushing, like he’s shy that Minhyun might hear the sound of his hammering heart.

Well, Minhyun definitely can and he can’t help the smile that starts to form on his lips as he’s kissing the other back. Minhyun finds Jonghyun’s hand and places it on his chest, and hears the human sigh at the contact. He knows that Jonghyun can feel the same heart against his palm. 

Something inside Minhyun is slowly unraveling, he’s being stripped bare of his being — of all his secrets — and the craziest part is that he doesn’t mind. He wants to be known. He wants Jonghyun to discover the deepest and darkest corners of himself just like how he wants to learn the other’s.

He wants.

“Minhyun- _ah,_ ” the human whispers breathlessly against his lips. His hand makes its way to the hem of Minhyun’s shirt and Jonghyun looks up at him as if trying to detect anything in Minhyun’s eyes that would tell him to stop. There isn’t any. “Can we?”

Minhyun looks down at him. He stares at those eyes that are a little dazed, and those lips that are slightly bruised, and those cheeks that are dusted pink, and wordlessly nods.

***

Minhyun bites into his hand, his teeth digging deep into the flesh. He must be bleeding but he can’t really tell, not when he’s trying to control his moans and his gasps even though he knows that he really can’t, not when Jonghyun is fucking him with this fervour. The bed shakes with every thrust, headboard hitting the wall rhythmically. Minhyun has never been more grateful that his apartment is soundproof. He didn’t expect this when he told Jonghyun that he didn’t really mind however they do it and truthfully, he really couldn’t care less as long as they’re together. But he never could have predicted this kind of passion burning his room.

He can’t deny that there _is_ a primal desire in himself to pin the human down and have his way with him but Minhyun knows that he can’t do that. He can’t help but remember all those times before when he hunted humans just like that and he’s still unsure if he can truly stop himself if he starts. It haunts him. That monster of Minhyun’s past only follows him around like a shadow. The vampire almost feels guilty that he got so attached to Jonghyun. Someone like Jonghyun who is so good and kind, probably shouldn’t be with someone as dangerous as himself, no matter how much they yearn for each other. Despite what the human said before, maybe Minhyun really is ruining his life -

“Minhyun- _ah,_ ” Jonghyun pants, resting his forehead on the vampire’s, it’s wet with sweat. And his hips are still not letting up. “You’re not focusing on me.”

“I am, _ugh-_ ” he groans when Jonghyun thrusts into him particularly hard. “I’m always thinking about you,” he says in between his gasps. His fingers twist the sheets beside him, he’s almost afraid to have his hands on Jonghyun’s bare skin. What if he scratches him hard and the human bleeds? What if he can’t control himself and his desire for the human turns into lust for his blood?

Jonghyun doesn’t seem to be listening to him anymore, his eyes are shut tight and he groans and gasps with each buck of his hips. The human’s face is so red, he’s blushing from his ears down to his shoulders, and his movements are so frantic that Minhyun is kind of shocked at the desperation but he also feels proud that Jonghyun looks so spent because of him — because he _wants_ him. And what’s even more surprising is that Minhyun wants Jonghyun to take him. All of him. Every inch of his body, he wants it to become Jonghyun’s. He has never wanted to be swallowed whole like this before, like he’s the prey to someone else’s predator, and especially not by a human.

But he wants.

Oh, he wants.

Minhyun puts the back of his hand over his mouth again, trying to stifle the sounds he’s making but it’s no use when the slapping of their skin against each other echoes throughout the room. It’s ringing in his ears and he really can’t believe that this is actually happening. Minhyun has high pain tolerance so being entered from a place he hasn’t used this way in a while doesn’t really hurt. In fact, sex has hardly ever hurt for him. What he can’t handle, however, is the mind-numbing pleasure of Jonghyun’s relentless rhythm that hits him exactly where it needs to each time. He feels the heat pool at the base of his stomach and it’s so intense that he thinks he might really get drunk on this.

Jonghyun runs a hand up Minhyun’s body and rests it just below where he was stabbed. Because he hasn’t been eating properly, he hasn’t been able to heal properly, too. Jonghyun stares at the deep gash, brows furrowed with what Minhyun would imagine as concern. He wishes Jonghyun didn’t have to worry about him, he hates seeing that look on his face. Jonghyun leans down and presses his lips right by where his hand rests before lifting his eyes to meet the gaze of the vampire. 

“God _,_ you’re so beautiful,” Jonghyun mutters.

Minhyun has never been insecure over his looks, and he knows that the human is probably just saying it to comfort him, but being regarded as such by Jonghyun makes him feel a little shy. Minhyun must be falling for him more and more. He doesn’t understand how he fell so fast or why he held on so tightly but that’s just how it is now. It was all beyond his control. He has never let people know too much about himself, not even Seongwu, but somehow Jonghyun managed to bring down all the walls and it terrifies him. It almost makes Minhyun want to write a song about him — with words that only he could pen, in a melody only he could hum, in a song that only he could listen to. Everything about Jonghyun could be a lyric he could write in detail; how his hair sticks to his forehead as he sweats; how he grits his teeth in an attempt to control the sounds he’s making; how despite everything, Jonghyun still holds him with gentle hands and caresses him with tender touches. Everything about Jonghyun is music to his ears.

Belatedly, Minhyun realises that he’s crying again. His eyes start to prick as the tears start to form. It’s not that he’s sad or that it hurts, Minhyun just feels like he needs to cry. He forgot what it feels like to be overwhelmed with so much emotion that you’re moved to tears. He’s been living so mutedly for so long that now it feels foreign to him. And just as much as it stings, it also makes him feel relieved. Because these aren’t tears of sadness. For the first time in a very long time, Minhyun is happy.

“Why are you crying?” he hears a whisper and it honestly makes him want to cry even harder. Even as a hand reaches out and wipes the tears from his cheeks, Minhyun can’t seem to answer the question, so instead, he focuses on what’s in front of him.

The sound of wet skin against wet skin is so loud and Minhyun watches it happen — the way Jonghyun’s length would disappear when it buries itself into him. He feels himself being stretched wider and wider as Jonghyun pushes him to the brink in needy movements. It’s so hungry and wild and animalistic by nature, something he never expected to come from the human before. Deeper and deeper, Jonghyun forces himself into the vampire and forces Minhyun to unveil everything about himself. Minhyun’s body seems to burn up with each drag of Jonghyun’s member inside of him. He hasn’t felt warmth like this in a long time; his body is always cool to the touch but now it’s being rammed with something of undeniable heat. Minhyun almost wonders if the human actually does feel good like this.

And then the man answers with a moan, loud and desperate, as Minhyun clenches around him. And even as he’s spilling himself, Jonghyun continues to move his hips, chasing the wave of pleasure Minhyun just sent him through.

Jonghyun leans into him and whispers against his ear. “Don’t cover your mouth,” his lips pressed against the shell. “I want to hear you.”

Minhyun can’t help but get aroused again by the lowness of Jonghyun’s voice but he also can’t seem to say anything back, he can’t do anything but shake his head. And that’s not a good enough response for the human.

“Here,” Jonghyun says, pulling Minhyun up from the bed and making him sit in his lap, facing each other, his member still buried deep inside the vampire, unmoving. Jonghyun places a hand on Minhyun’s waist, while the other wraps around Minhyun’s own half-hard length, stroking it lazily. He leans in to give him an open-mouthed kiss, tongues dancing and lips moving in a frenzy. When he pulls away, he sucks on the vampire’s lower lip before letting it go. “Look at me,” he whispers, almost too innocently.

Minhyun shudders. He really can’t take this anymore. It’s so hot and his body feels like it’s on fire, he can’t tell if it’s because he’s embarrassed or if it’s because of the desire that’s seeping through his skin. His knees start to shake and now he needs to find some form of stability. He wraps both his arms around Jonghyun’s neck, resting his head on the human’s shoulder, their body flush against each other, sweat and slick mixing into one. “Jonghyun- _ah,_ ” he manages to say, his voice coming out a little raspy. “I don’t know about this anymore.”

“Why?”

“Aren’t you afraid of me? I would be afraid of me,” he whispers.

Jonghyun laughs, the vampire can feel his whole body shaking as he does and it makes Minhyun whimper slightly at the sensation. He takes a deep breath as Jonghyun gently pats his back, completely ignoring the fact that he is _still_ inside him. He can even _feel_ the human pulsing. Minhyun might go insane. “You don’t have to worry about that. I’m not scared,” he says softly as he leaves a kiss on Minhyun’s shoulder.

“I can smell you.” The words escape his mouth before he can stop and reconsider the implications, and Minhyun starts to panic because it’s _true._ He can feel Jonghyun _everywhere_ with _everything_ , in all senses of the words. He can see him, he can touch him, he can taste him and he can even smell him. Minhyun is engulfed by the human and there’s no means of escape this time. “The scent is so strong and I- I really might hurt you. What if I bite you? What if I -”

“You can,” Jonghyun suddenly says and Minhyun quickly lets the man go, just so he can look at him in the eyes properly. He searches Jonghyun’s for something, hesitation maybe, but the human looks back at him with surety. “You can bite me, feed from me. I don’t mind if you do.”

“B- but wouldn’t that remind you of that night? I don’t want you to see me like that. I don’t want to hurt you -”

“It’s okay. I’m okay.” Jonghyun leans in and presses his lips to the corner of the vampire’s mouth. “I don’t want you to hide yourself from me. Let me see all of you.”

Minhyun’s throat runs dry again. He knows his eyes have turned golden yet again out of pure desire, his gums that have turned numb to the feeling suddenly start to hurt as he feels his fangs descend. He grabs Jonghyun by the shoulders and kisses the space between his jaw and his collarbone as softly as he can before he finally sinks his teeth into the human.

* * *

Jonghyun stirs in his sleep and feels a sharp pang of pain shoot up his neck. Where Minhyun bit him is still as fresh as ever but the vampire did try his best to clean it up. His hand reaches to his neck and he touches the cotton pad that is neatly covering his wound. It hurts but Jonghyun doesn’t hate it. He still keeps his eyes shut, trying to fall back asleep when he notices a hand lightly pushing away the strands from his forehead. Jonghyun opens his eyes. Minhyun keeps running his fingers through his hair absentmindedly even when he can see that Jonghyun is clearly awake. Instead, he stares at the human’s face, seemingly in disbelief that he’s actually still there.

“You’re awake,” Jonghyun whispers. He knows they are alone in Minhyun’s apartment but he feels as though this is his own little secret to keep. 

“So are you,” the vampire softly replies. And then he glances at the covered wound on Jonghyun’s neck and frowns. “I hurt you again,” his voice comes out shaky, a pained expression plain on his face.

“I’m okay,” Jonghyun says. “I’m the one who told you to.” 

He tries to give Minhyun a reassuring smile but he guesses he isn’t doing it that well because the vampire still looks guilty and unconvinced. He lowers his eyes and stops in his tracks at the vampire’s chest. At first he thought that his eyes were playing tricks on him so he blinks and blinks but no, what he sees is real. The wound is completely gone now.

“Your chest…” Jonghyun trails off, lifting a finger to point at where the wound is supposed to be.

“I couldn’t heal for a while, but I guess I can now,” Minhyun says, seemingly distracted by his own thoughts. “It still hurts though, so I wonder if I’ll ever fully heal. It’s been hard to sleep.”

“You couldn’t sleep?” The human frowns. It’s still dark out and Jonghyun wonders what time it is now. It can’t be past three AM.

“I don’t really sleep well normally. Not lately anyway, and it’s not necessarily because of what happened. Sometimes I can sleep, but it’s pretty rare.” Minhyun pauses for a few beats before continuing, “I often get nightmares, you see.”

Jonghyun remembers Minhyun’s peaceful sleeping face from some time ago. “You do?” he asks and the vampire nods once. And before Jonghyun can stop himself -

“About what?” He instantly winces.

The room falls silent for a few beats and Jonghyun wonders if Minhyun is just going to ignore that question altogether. He curses inwardly. Maybe he should have tried to ease into it a little more. Even _he_ realises how rude he just sounded. But before he can continue mentally panicking, Minhyun answers his question.

“About everything. Everyone — Yaebin, my sister…” The vampire looks away and takes a deep breath. “You.”

Jonghyun frowns. “Me?” The vampire nods. “What about me?”

“Most of the time it’s pretty vague, I can just feel you in pain, hurt… Maybe because of me, I don’t know. It probably _is_ because of me, actually. Sometimes, I go back to the day I let you go without trying to know who you were. That day at the bridge, so long ago.” Minhyun doesn’t seem to be speaking with a clear purpose, more like he’s loudly mulling over his thoughts. Sometimes, the way Minhyun talks really makes Jonghyun wonder if memories work the same way for vampires. Minhyun seems to always speak about their encounters with an air of heavy nostalgia. He still combs his hand through the strands, eyes closed as if picturing his bad dreams all over again. “Other times I go back to the night I saw you in that alleyway. You were dying.” The vampire lifts his eyes to finally meet Jonghyun’s gaze and a shiver runs down the human’s spine.

“You saved me that night.”

“Did I?” Minhyun laughs, void of warmth. He’s still holding everything in and it makes Jonghyun’s heart ache the more he watches this. “I’m not too sure about that.”

“I am,” Jonghyun says. “You seem to like playing with my hair. You’re always touching it.”

Minhyun hums. “Hm. Well, it was a lot shorter back then. I was always curious about how it would feel to run my fingers through it.” The patting on Jonghyun’s head is so gentle that he might fall back asleep. “You were younger then too,” he adds as an afterthought.

This gets Jonghyun’s attention. He grabs Minhyun’s forearm and the caresses cease. He inches nearer to the vampire, their faces are so close but Jonghyun keeps his eyes locked onto him, Minhyun doesn’t even try to back away. Something about their whole relationship has been strange to Jonghyun, the way Minhyun was so angry when he laid eyes on him only to leave a ghost of a kiss on his cheek moments later, the way Minhyun spoke to him with familiarity soon afterwards despite acting like he never wanted to see him ever again, the way Minhyun sometimes looks at him or speaks to him like he’s afraid that it would shatter any minute. The strangest thing is that Jonghyun had always felt a force inside him that pulled himself towards Minhyun and compelled him to meet the vampire at any chance he had.

There’s an unspoken understanding between them that Jonghyun barely understands _why_ is there.

And Jonghyun has decided that he can’t let this moment slip through his fingers.

“Minhyun- _ah,_ ” he whispers, their lips only a breath’s width apart, “Have we met before?”

He knows his question comes out vague but there is a look of acknowledgement in Minhyun’s eyes and it tells him that he is perfectly understood. 

“Yes, we have,” the vampire answers, his voice equally as hushed. And then fear instantly flashes on Minhyun’s face as he realises what he had just said, and he tries to turn away, embarrassed, afraid of what the human might think but Jonghyun quickly places a hand on his cheek and turns Minhyun’s face towards him. Their gazes meet and Jonghyun can see that Minhyun is still panicked by the way his eyes keep darting around. So he leans in and presses a soft kiss on the vampire’s trembling lips. They shouldn’t hide from each other any longer.

“It’s okay,” Jonghyun says, his lips still on Minhyun’s as he speaks. “I’m not upset with you. I’m just a little confused. When did we meet?”

Minhyun looks down, refusing to meet his eyes when he answers. “It was around four years ago.”

_Four years ago?_ Jonghyun thinks, _I was still in the military then._

“We didn’t really talk for that long but you had a lasting impression on me.” He still doesn’t raise his head, and Jonghyun can almost count the eyelashes that barely touch his cheeks. He realises too late that Minhyun’s eyelashes are wet again.

Jonghyun recalls something Minhyun had said to him in the past. He whispered it on a night similar to this one, voice quiet and bodies close. But their roles seem to be reversed this time because Jonghyun is now the one coaxing the other to look at him.

“Does it have anything to do with me saving your life?” the human asks.

Minhyun nods.

“Why don’t I remember any of this? I’m sure that I would have never forgotten your face if I saw it and actually spoke to you. I mean, it doesn’t make any -”

And Jonghyun stops in his tracks. He tilts his head and looks at Minhyun quizzically, asking a question he knows Minhyun understands. The vampire nods again.

“I’ll tell you about it another time. That day isn’t really something I like to talk about,” Minhyun whispers and Jonghyun takes his word for it. He’s sure that Minhyun will eventually explain. But then the vampire says something really strange. “You took care of it well though.”

Now Jonghyun is even more confused. “Took care of what well?” he asks.

“My guitar,” the vampire simply replies.

Jonghyun sits up abruptly and feels a sting shoot up his neck. He groans. Minhyun quickly sits up too, his smooth hands grip Jonghyun’s bare shoulders. He looks at Jonghyun with concern laced in his eyes, frowning.

“Are you okay?” Mihyun asks, his voice going up in the end, even more panicked than before.

He takes a deep breath. The pain is a little dizzying but it soon subsides. “I’m fine, it’s just -” he sighs, “Just. God. Minhyun- _ah,_ what the fuck?” 

“I’m sorry -”

“No, you have nothing to apologise for. I’m just… a little shocked and… I’m kind of in awe…?” He looks up at the vampire whose frown only deepens. _He’s confused,_ Jonghyun realises. So he continues with his loud thoughts, “It’s kind of crazy to me how that guitar has been a source of comfort and I never knew where I got it. I was always so confused how I suddenly held it in my hand — this thing that I never thought I could own suddenly came into my possession and it was _you?_ This whole time?”

Minhyun stays quiet.

“Has it always been you?”

Minhyun shakes his head. “No, we only met that one time.”

“That’s not what I mean, Minhyun.” Jonghyun reaches out for Minhyun’s hand and clasps it with his own. “I mean that, in a weird way, you’ve been there for me — during some of the hardest moments of my life. So, can I just ask something of you?”

“What is it?” Minhyun asks cautiously.

“Can you let me be that for you?” His heart starts to speed up as soon as the question leaves his tongue. And Minhyun stares at him, wide-eyed like he never expected this outcome even when they held each other in their arms only hours before.

“Are you sure?” he whispers, so quiet that Jonghyun could mishear it. He doesn’t.

Jonghyun can’t help the smile that spreads across his face. “Of course I am. That’s why I’m asking _you_ if _you’re_ okay with it.”

Instead of an answer, Minhyun pulls Jonghyun towards him, his head buried in the crook of the human’s neck. Jonghyun feels an ache there but he doesn’t mind. His own arms wrap around Minhyun’s middle and Jonghyun plants a kiss on his temple. As soon as he does it, he feels Minhyun’s whole body shudder as a sigh leaves the vampire’s mouth — like a breath of relief, something that has allowed him to let go.

“I hope I can take this as a ‘yes’,” Jonghyun jokes, rubbing his back.

Minhyun laughs, a hand in Jonghyun’s hair again, gripping him tight but not enough to hurt. “You’ve always been so sweet to me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah... uhhh let's pretend i never wrote that portion... this is extremely awkward for me bc i've never written something like that before in my life so uh. yeah.
> 
> thank you @ my beta reader for powering through my awkwardness like a champ
> 
> this is the end of act 2. idk when i'll come back with the interlude but i will eventuALLY.
> 
> until then, take care everyone <3


End file.
